So I’m in NJ, staying at Crusie’s while she goes and impresses at Princeton, which is the family school (father, uncles, BIL, cousins, cousins-in-law, BFF’s husband … plus my grandfather and BFF’s grandfather were professors there — mine was Classics, hers was Archeology). But I digress. While Jenny strides through my old haunts, which, until the time I was 18, were all male, I’ve been playing with the dogs and writing my ass off. The first thing I did, after she left, was strip down to my tighty-whities, put on “Old Time Rock and Roll” and dance around with a broomstick.
Then I wrote. And wrote. Jenny’s new computer arrived. And I wrote. And I went out and bought food. And I wrote. And then I watched three episodes of “The Originals” and I’m falling in love with Klaus, and three episodes of the original “Life on Mars” and then I went to bed with three dogs on the bed and Wolfie on a cushion on the floor. And we’re talking a twin bed, folks, with a large woman. We slept very well, thank you.
Now i’m up and writing like a madwoman. I want to see how much I can accomplish before Crusie comes back in the evening. I’ll go out to lunch to break it up, but right now it’s just me and the dogs and work work work.
And behold, life was very good.
Sorry I’m late — I overslept.
Okayy, just about nada yesterday.
Oh, I should mention I’m not depressed. Cranky and frustrated but not depressed. The Big D lifted sometime in the new year. You can never pick an exact date — just one day you notice that life has colors again.
But I digress.
1. Didn’t get into my office until noon because my BFF came over (and I was thrilled to see her, since she’d been gone for a while, but it threw me off)
2. Wasted too much time food shopping and forgot (misplaced) the papers for the bank.
3. Forgot to pay for the storage areas
4. Bought a morning glory muffin
5. No exercise
6. Grumble grumble
7. Wrote about 250 words (if that).
8. Slept in til after 10 o’clock
However. I only ate the one muffin, and didn’t buy chips or coffee cake or cinnamon bread (I can go through a loaf in two sittings)
I did actually get 250 words done.
I was happy to see Sally.
I’m making real progress on my office.
My son is still missing and a wonderful adult has taken his place. This is months now.
So, there are two things I need to do (I’m trying to simplify.)
Eat right, so I don’t ruin my life.
Once the writing’s done I can do anything else.
Yeah, that’s it. There’s a great feeling of accomplishment and freedom once I get my writing done. That’s when I give myself permission to have fun without guilt.
So I’m paring down. Those two are the basics, anything else is gravy.
Remind me to talk about self-discipline (can’t right now — I have to write a book).
That’s oatmeal and raspberries and splenda brown sugar. One thing I need to work on is finding healthy alternative sugars. But that’s for later.
I was over at Sally’s, writing (cause she’s out of town) but it didn’t work, and I came home and shoved just about everything in my office into a big box and covered it with a tablecloth. Hey, that’s what my sister used to do. So my office is relatively clean (You wouldn’t think so to look at it but for me it’s a vast improvement) because I discovered to my absolute delight that I only have 8k words to do. (at the least). I have to do enough words to finish the book, which will be more).
Easy peasy. I can have the draft done by tomorrow night, then have Thanksgiving on Sunday when Erin and Alex can come, and we’ll have a fabulous time.
I’ll do revisions and get the book off early next week and then I can dance all over the house.
I don’t know why … yes, I do know why I had such trouble with this book. I suffered a major life blow in the middle of it, when my mother died. It’s really thrown me. Someone mentioned yesterday that sometimes the grief is harder when you have a rocky relationship with your mother. I don’t know, I just know the past was very rocky indeed and I’m having a shockingly hard time. Part of which is she’s the last. This will be the first thanksgiving without anyone from my nuclear family — they’re all gone (and Mini-me is in Tahoe).
But I’m not thinking about that, I’m thinking about my office, and then I get to sew.
I think one thing that’s helped through all this is the handquilting. Not that the quilt is worth the effort, but I was with Crusie and she didn’t have a free motion foot. I have several, so I can remedy that (just as I had an extra walking foot for Lani’s bernina). Anyway, I bought this autumn fairies panel at Keepsake a couple of years ago, so last year I decided I had to do something with it. So I took all my extraneous autumn fabric and cut it into 2/5 inch strips and then sewed them together randomly, then cut those into 2.5 inch strips. I cut out the panels and then framed them with a soft green and the multi-pieces strips. I used the walking foot to outline them, but since it’s an autumn quilt that I wanted finished this season (blew that, but wtf) I worked on it down in NJ.
So, off to work. Well, here to work.
The rest of you can probably take it easy this weekend, but for me, I’m in full Maidens of St. Trinians mode.
I’m gonna start using photo effects like Crusie did, but in the meantime I thought I’d just put a different quilt on the back of my chair each day for a while. This one is flannel, and it’s gotten colder so I have it to wrap around me while I watch tv at night. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve moved my main computer into the living room and put the travel/work computer, aka BabyJenny, named after my niece Jenny, not Crusie (which is one reason I call Crusie, Crusie) in my office.
So the fuss of negotiations have settled down, and I have no more excuses. Time to figure out how I’m going to balance things. Because I had all these sweatshirts I needed to get rid of, including four really nice Eddie Bauer ones, and then I remembered I have a couple of books on redoing sweatshirts. And one of them was really great.
(for those of you who are interested, it’s dirt cheap at Amazon right now). So I really want to start transforming these sweatshirts (the sweatpants are beyond revising).
And the house is a wreck and I most definitely need to put my office in order. But I need to work. Soooo ….
What works best is to work first thing in the morning, get it out of the way, and then I can feel free to play. So here’s the plan:
Clean my office. Pictures coming. Sew in the afternoon. Eat well. Enjoy life. Things seem to have a way of working out, and I forget that. Oh, and I want to read. Lots and lots of wonderful books out there, and since I’ve started being able to read again via audio books, and then Kindle, and now the old-fashioned way. And there are great books to catch up on!
Hey, life is a banquet. Unfortunately, it’s literally been a banquet, in that I’ve been eating a little too much. Slightly more generous servings at dinner, which isn’t horrendous, but I also haven’t pooped in four days, so I’m not going near the scale. I really need a food scale. Maybe I need to bite the bullet and order one, but I’m trying not to spend any money.
Still on the scale of things (heh heh heh) this isn’t that bad, and I’ve been exercising and keeping away from unhealthy foods. And I’m in this healthy/weight loss thing for the long haul — there are little bumps in the road. This isn’t even a bump, it’s a pebble.
I think I’ll have bran cereal for breakfast .
So, I’m energized and ready to rock and roll.
(And before I could post this I was suddenly hit with the stomach thing that’s been plaguing me and I almost threw up. But I’m drinking ginger tea and I’ll be fine. Though maybe I’d better check in with my doctor).
But I digress.
I weighed myself before I read the suggestions that I give it up for a while and weigh only weekly. 243. I now understand why my sister jumped on her scale in a rage, destroying the poor thing.
So I’m breaking it up with it. No more daily meetings. Unless, of course, my rings are suddenly very loose . Otherwise that scale is gonna end up flatter than a pancake.
I was gonna write like a crazy woman yesterday (and indeed, wrote a lot of good stuff) before the Serpent’s Tooth arrived with Alex, in a nasty mood. So I shooed him out (making the mistake of saying “damn, he’s bipolar” when he was still in the house and I thought he was outside), but having Alex was fun anyway. Today I do nothing but write. Oh, and bring my mother the newspaper and visit. Sigh.
But that was interesting about writers needing to exercise. Maybe I’ll finally break the shrink wrap on the Richard Simmons DVD today and have a little break.
At least I had 12 hours (yes, that many) of deep sleep last night, so I won’t fall asleep while I write.
So. Hard work today. 5k words? At least? This isn’t about writing, but it’s about work and balance and getting things done. And if the Serpent’s Tooth comes over today I’ll make Richie take Alex while I work.
Remember that tomorrow is All About You. I’ll be posting what I need to do this coming week. Hell, I’ll start out now.
Gotta finish the draft, of course. But even with such a heavy load of work, I still need to swim three times this week. I won’t be able to swim and go to my shrink and work on Wednesday (maybe I’ll call it work and not writing?) so something’s gotta give. Or I can swim two days in a row. Or hell, four days this week and miss Wednesday. But I gotta finish … my work.
But I think maybe the really huge challenge for me this time is to finish it and not feel sick the way I did last time. I always finish writing in a white hot fury, getting a huge amount done in the last few days. That won’t change. What I need to change is the rest of the way I handle the week. I’ve long ago learned that food indulgences end up making me very sick, so I’ll keep eating wisely.
And damn it, I absolutely must do something for myself in between the hours of pushing. If I can make it through the week with mental health intact and not feeling like I’ve been kicked by a mule then I will have really triumphed.
If I can make it through the week with a finished book, a couple of days of swimming and only feeling slightly exhausted it will still be a triumph.
If I make it through the week with a finished book then hell, it’ll be a triumph. But I want to reclaim the rest of my life even while I’m writing, and that’s going to be my main plan. To write. And to live.
I’ll let you know how well I’m doing.
It turns out I have to go through all 70k words of my (praise god) recovered manuscript, and I had to whine to Lani and Jenny because revising never feels like work. The only thing that ever feels like work is writing new pages — nothing else counts.
Which is bullshit. As Jenny said, the words you put down are simply the raw clay — then you go in and shape it. (I’m paraphrasing her, and I know she’ll correct me, and then feel guilty … no, she never feels guilty when she smacks me down. I need to work on that — it’s not fair.)
So instead of getting the weekend to play and create I have to work.
But screw that. I need something beside work or I’ll go crazy. I went swimming yesterday (found a better time of day) but the weekends are full of kids and much as I love them and don’t begrudge them the pool, it’s not conducive to water-walking and thinking about the book when you’re being bombarded by … what’s that word when a kid makes himself into a little ball and jumps into the water, making the biggest possible splash? Anyway, no swimming.
But I’m taking an hour to work on projects anyway, and I have a steampunk earring update. Photos.
As you see, I have someone protecting my steampunk pieces. That’s the one who sleeps on my stomach and does “Hello Kittys” (bumping noses) all the time. He’s a found cat — showed up one day and we lured him inside with cheese. He hasn’t left since.
Anyway, here’s how I started.
I’m not very good at this — I tend to view crafts with a sort of “eyes are bigger than my stomach.” I see something, it looks simple, and then I create a terrible mishmosh.
But hey, if they make me happy then screw critics. They’re made for me, not to please someone else, so mission accomplished.
Here’s a step in the process.
I’ve got to add another jump ring so the elements face outward. I liked the balance and imbalance of the end result. I wanted more, but they’d be too heavy, which is often my problem when I make earrings. I’m a gaudy soul, a magpie, and more is always better.
But I’ll take a photo when I finish tonight, and I will feel good about the time I took to work on them and not feel guilty.