Here’s AKA the Mona Lisa. Yeah, I’m wearing the same shirt — it was still clean and I have to take a shower later so I threw it on. Different glasses, though.
So I wallowed all yesterday. Son left (and he wasn’t that bad, but complaining about life but it upset me). It just set the day off on a downward trajectory that I couldn’t shake. I wept, I brooded, Richie finally took me out for retail therapy and lunch, but I just kept feeling down. I came home and read for a bit (sweet Richie made dinner) and went to bed, and that was enough. Time to pull myself together.
I probably should have tried to kick my butt yesterday, but I just felt mournful. Nothing could cheer me, not even buying new, smaller bras and buttered popcorn jelly bellies for Tim’s fiancee (who searched through Alex’s jelly beans for them — she adores them).
Here’s the plan for today. Gotta see if I can meet up with Crusie and Lani in campfire today to help me with brainstorming on one book and find out where they are on FTL (the thing we’re working on together).
Do a little cleaning in my room.
File income tax extensions.
Send off estimated payments. (Money came in yesterday, just in time!)
Pack for trip (I’ve flying to Richmond tomorrow, coming back on Sunday).
Visit the mother. Cancel the PT appointment (I’ll get to swim at the hotel this weekend).
The only thing that sounds like fun is meeting with Crusie and Lani, and every time we try to plan it something comes up with one of us (lately, me).
Ooops, that’s wallowing again.
Gonna eat a shitload of bran cereal (literally), go in and straighten my room a bit. Plan the nice time in a hotel room away from responsibility, and the fun of meeting with writers at the local chapter meeting. Figure out how to be more positive while I’m balancing financial stress.
Still sounds like I’m wallowing, doesn’t it? At least I’m trying.
I know. I’ll work. That’ll make me feel better. I’ll go in my office, find out what Jenny and Lani have brainstormed already, then looked at what I’ve got on my current thing (I’ve had to switch horses mid-stream).
And all will be well. All shall be well, all manner of things shall be well.
Nothing but good times ahead.
Hmmm. I’m having a wrestling match with the blues. Can sheer force of will banish it?
Wrenched from sleep at 5 am with a bad stomach. Probably the fault of stress and eating salad fifteen minutes before I went to bed. That’s diet Ginger Ale I’m holding aloft this time. Continue reading
Here’s a thing you may not know about me if you’ve never met me before, or read anything I’ve written, or indeed heard of me in passing.
I’m a big ball of stress.
It’s not an attractive quality, and I own that. I worry, I fret, I take every negative thing inward and wrap myself around it, obsessing over how I can make it better, or how I could have prevented it in the first place. A lot of my energy goes toward prevention; looking at every possible situation, all the ways in which it can go wrong, and how I can prevent it. When I was 11, I was worried about my father’s health. Looking back, I’m not sure why, but I remember making him buy tunafish, thinking that would save him. He died suddenly of a heart attack three weeks after my 12th birthday. Somehow, instead of sending home the healthy and realistic message that I do not, in fact, control the universe, it made me more determined than ever to see the bad things coming and head them off at the pass.
Kind of like Gandalf.
Since Krissie mentioned The Chair, and I need a post for today before we go to Staples and JoAnn’s (bliss), I will show you the The Unfinished Chair. What happened was that the day after I realized I probably had AMD and found the letter from my doctor confirming that I had diabetes, I started doing laundry obsessively (which was good because I had mountains of it). And in between loads, I decided to reupholster the entire house. Well, a lot of the dark furniture in the house. It was too damn depressing. Since then I’ve painted a lot of it white–more to come–and Alastair painted all the woodwork in the living room white because I was coming unglued and it helped (it’s fabulous)–but that night, I wanted to do something right away, something that was hands on, something that I wouldn’t have to think about but could just do by instinct, aka “That looks right, that doesn’t look right.” Kind of like collaging a chair. Continue reading
I feel guilty.
I feel guilty because Lani’s driving me to all my doctor’s appointments even though she’s swamped right now.
I feel guilty that I didn’t put an interview up on Argh today. Lani’s swamped because she’s launching her first Lucy March book, A Little Night Magic (which is out today so you should go buy it right now. Thank you) and I was supposed to do an interview with her and I didn’t get to it. Continue reading
So I’m a little stressed. I was stressed before I hit the deer, discovered I’m probably going to be looking at people sideways in a couple of years, and found out there was no cake in my future. Now I’m interacting several times a day with an app that yells at me (figuratively speaking) if I don’t eat breakfast. I’m making progress, my numbers are coming down, but they’re not coming down fast enough, especially that bottom line blood pressure number. I should be seeing better results. I’m Jenny Crusie, damn it, I do everything well. Okay, not relationships or housecleaning or cooking (the smoke alarm went off last night while I was making salad), but a lot of things. THIS thing. THIS THING I SHOULD BE DOING WELL.
Okay, I’m a little more than a little stressed. Continue reading