Krissie: The Hills Are Alive

So Terri got it, of course. I thought I was being a lot cagier.
I just wanted to be a nun. I have a thing about nuns, always have. Turns out I’m Sister Margaretta and I have more lines than any nun but the Mother Abbess. It should be a hoot. I don’t get stage fright, and I’m basically just a very big personality, plus I can sing a bit, so it should be lots of fun.
However, I just got the rehearsal schedule, and it’s brutal. It’s 10 to 12:30 and then 2 to 5 every single day, with about half a day on Sunday. I already figured out how I was going to write — just get up at seven and write for a couple of hours before going to rehearsal. And I figured I’d visit my mother during the lunch break, because rehearsals will be nearby.
But that’s all changed. They found a bed in a rehab center in Barre, about 40 miles away, and I’m driving her there tomorrow morning. She’s fine with going, which is a relief. It means no quilt show for me (probably). I’ll take her over in time for lunch and get her settled, and there will probably be tons of paper work and maybe meetings and stuff.
So I know I should quit the play. It’s going to be crazy trying to visit her — I’ll have to go in the evening after a full day of writing and rehearsals. I don’t know how I’ll manage to bring her home (if I have to) before a bed opens up in the assisted living or nursing home. (Vermont has a strong program to help seniors stay in their homes so maybe they an help in the interim until a bed opens up). They’re going to want to meet with me, I’m sure, and I’d be tied up with rehearsals. It even cuts back the time I can spend with Alex (my fears were for naught (nought?) but I can work around that.
I’m crazy to do it, and I should back out right now.
But I don’t want to quit! I really want to do this – it’s something for me, something frivolous and fun and (gasp) social, which gets me out of the isolation. Oh, and I’m letting my BFF down, when I promised I’d write and sew with her every day to help her transition back to VT after spending the winter in NJ.
So I should drop it so I can do all these things for everybody else.
And I don’t wanna! I’ve even come up with a great justification. I think using that form of creativity will open up and feed all the creativity in my life. I think it will expand my writing, help me see new things. But you know, I don’t need that excuse. I just want it.
It would just be so much fun.
Richie’s all in favor of it. And I”m guessing the rehearsals aren’t really all day every day — the nuns are only about 1/4 of the play, if that. And it’s over by July 26, and I can get back to doing everything for everyone.
It would just be so much fun, being on stage in a nun’s habit, singing my little heart out.
I think I’m going to lose it, though. It requires a huge amount of strength and determination to hold onto this, just as it takes a huge amount of strength and determination to hold out against social workers and doctors who think my mother would do fine at home with me rushing there at all times of the day and night, doing everything for her, taking her everywhere.
So I don’t know what’s going to happen. Can I be selfish for once in my life? (I have lots of faults but I’m rarely, if ever, selfish).
We’ll see.