Aw, guys. I don’t need rescuing. That’s something we all need to fight against — we’re women, we’re hard-wired to nurture, to fix things. But I don’t need fixing. I just wanted the chance to vent, to moan, to wail.
This is a special, safe place for me, and I look for advice and support and a slap upside the head when needed (a gentle one). I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the offers of financial help, but no. No, no, no. It’s not that I’m unwilling to let people help me — I said yes when when Kate offered to come and declutter, I took Jenny’s Frequent Flyer Miles since she wasn’t going to fly again and I wanted to visit her. It’s not that I have to do everything on my own. I even let other people pick up the check sometimes, when I’m hardwired to do it. But truly, bless your hearts, I don’t need your financial help. Your emotional and problem-solving help is much more important.
That being said, things are never as bad as they seem to be. And even if they’re that bad, things tend to get better. They always do.
There’s a good chance the people who fixed our car after the accident (which is the root of what’s going on now) will fix it for free. We called and they have a guarantee. So Richie’s taking the car up there today and we’ll hope for the best. Even a discount on the work would help.
Though I gotta admit I did find a used bright blue Camry that I fell in love with.
So Richie’s dealing with it. While I was out he went and cut the tree that he grew and got it in the stand and even put the lights on. Made me sooo happy. I bought a freaking huge white poinsettia for the church in honor of my mother and the other dead ones, and even went to the advent meditation session (where I’m afraid I fell asleep but that’s okay).
I’ve been told I haven’t said anything new for a while (at least, not at Refab), so maybe we’re coming to the natural end of things. But I’m not going to worry about that now.
For today, I’m going to enjoy Christmas. I’m going to see if Alex can come over to bake, I’m going to wrap presents and decorate the tree and listen to Christmas music and maybe even curl up and read. It’s snowing, and we’ll get three to six inches on the weekend so that’s lovely. I think I’ll even go to the christmas eve service for the first time in many years.
I have some thinking to do. But I’ll stay warm and dry, drink Christmas tea and pick up a bit (the living area is staying in pretty good shape but I need to keep after it).
So all will be well. It’s a comfort day, the first day of winter, the end of the world?, the day after the solstice, which means the light is returning.
Here’s your assignment. This evening, after rush hour in your area, fill a thermos with hot chocolate or coffee or tea, load the dh or the kids or the dog into the car and drive around the neighborhoods and enjoy the lights. From the tacky to the elegant, enjoy them all. The solstice is light returning after the darkest day, and enjoy holiday lights is a great way to do it.
And Sister Krissie the impeccably demure blesses you all.
OH, and I found this great poem by Robert Frost, one of the few poets who made rhyming seem effortless. It’s in public domain, so we’re cool.
Fire and Ice
by Robert Frost
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.