Krissie: Banging my head against the wall

Photo on 3-19-13 at 11.11 AM Sorry I’m late — I overslept.
Okayy, just about nada yesterday.
Oh, I should mention I’m not depressed. Cranky and frustrated but not depressed. The Big D lifted sometime in the new year. You can never pick an exact date — just one day you notice that life has colors again.
But I digress.
1. Didn’t get into my office until noon because my BFF came over (and I was thrilled to see her, since she’d been gone for a while, but it threw me off)
2. Wasted too much time food shopping and forgot (misplaced) the papers for the bank.
3. Forgot to pay for the storage areas
4. Bought a morning glory muffin
5. No exercise
6. Grumble grumble
7. Wrote about 250 words (if that).
8. Slept in til after 10 o’clock

However. I only ate the one muffin, and didn’t buy chips or coffee cake or cinnamon bread (I can go through a loaf in two sittings)
I did actually get 250 words done.
I was happy to see Sally.
I’m making real progress on my office.
My son is still missing and a wonderful adult has taken his place. This is months now.

So, there are two things I need to do (I’m trying to simplify.)
Eat right, so I don’t ruin my life.
Once the writing’s done I can do anything else.

Yeah, that’s it. There’s a great feeling of accomplishment and freedom once I get my writing done. That’s when I give myself permission to have fun without guilt.

So I’m paring down. Those two are the basics, anything else is gravy.
Remind me to talk about self-discipline (can’t right now — I have to write a book).

Krissie: Frustration

Is it going to be one of those weeks? I am so not in the mood.
Yesterday I woke up at 5 something and couldn’t sleep any more. So I dragged my butt out of bed, did the blog and played on the internet, and then decided, hell, I’ll go swimming before I do anything else. Not only do I need to swim because my body needs it, but I need it for brainstorming. Waterwalking for an hour does wonders for my writing.
So I trundle into the car and drive forty minutes to the pool in the pouring rain. Now the pool is at a private and public high school. And guess who was holding graduation? And guess whose pool was closed?
So I filled the car with gas, bought a cup of coffee (I don’t drink much coffee) and drove home, still in the pouring rain. Was feeling punchy so gave Richie the rest of the coffee and went to bed, could barely manage to sleep, and rose in a funk (a sleep funk, not a depressed funk).
I keep forgetting to set the oatmeal, and I decided I needed some. I had a box of McCann’s fast steel cut oatmeal, so I poured 1/4 c. in a bowl with 3/4 c. water and put it in the microwave. Opened the door to stir it and found oatmeal all over the microwave. With cries of despair I pulled it out, mopped up all the oatmeal and, undaunted, I started again, this time with a big-ass bowl that could hold it. Put the same amount in, opened the door at halfway point and found it only slightly slopped over the sides. Okay. Stirred it, put it back in. Pulled it out when it was supposed to be ready and found oatmeal sludge. Ate it anyway.
Went to my BFF’s and decided I was too tired to write. Wrote a couple of pages anyway, but I’ve been heading in the wrong direction. Fortunately I have two very smart sisters. So I’ll brainstorm with them tonight and we will Fix This Book. And I will Love This Book. It’s just taking a little time to shift gears, and my focus is all over the place.
Which isn’t surprising, given the emotional upheaval in my life. I see my shrink on Thursday and I only have an hour. I don’t think that’s enough time.
Losing my son’s relationship is vast enough. Yes, I know I get to keep a relationship with my grandson and Erin, but it’s been irrevocably changed. They’re not a family unit any more, and that family unit was part of my family unit. So something’s been torn away from me, and I have to deal with it.
Plus my daughter, who was always so close to me, is annoyed with me and distant and in many ways that’s a good thing. Children have to make their own way, and it’s past time she did. But I have to work through that, figure out what part of my reactions are reasonable and what aren’t.
Then there’s the fact that I might stab my sister-in-law, who has arrived in town to squat for most of June. I’ll tell you about that some other time, once it’s clear we don’t have to sue her ass. Or stab it.
Plus there’s something going on with Richie in regards to said evil SIL, and I have to figure out how to best approach it. After all, he loves his sister, pain in the ass though she is. Hell, I’m very fond of her too when I don’t want to kill her. And he’s terribly afraid he’s going to lose her.
Which I can understand. But you can’t lay down and let people bully you. Where’s my knife?
But I digress.
So. The oatmeal. So yesterday I then decided screw it, I’d just crockpot it during the day (how’s that for a verb?). Sprayed the crockpot with Pam, then found I had only a small amount of oats. Went out shopping and found Richie had put the crockpot in the sink and filled it with soapy water because he thought it was greasy.
So. Last night I washed the crockpot again, sprayed it, put the oatmeal and the water in, turned it on and went to bed.
Woke up this morning to find a crockpot full of water and slightly cooked oatmeal.
Clearly God doesn’t want me to eat oatmeal.
I have no idea why the world wants to frustrate me. And it better stop. I have too much on my plate (except for oatmeal) to deal with roadblocks wherever I turn.
Plus I’m eating too much. Gotta stop that. All good things — I went by McDonalds twice yesterday in a frustrated, tired mood and considered whether I should relax my ban. Decided no McDonalds.
But hey, they have oatmeal!