So Jenny started the Good Wolf Lunch, which was perfect for her. We all have our character flaws, and one of Jenny’s worst is her tendency to beat up on herself (she’s made that clear to everyone so I’m not being indiscreet). She’s waaaay too hard on herself, and therefore the Good Wolf/Bad Wolf analogy made a lot of sense. She needs to listen to her Good Wolf and ignore that scroungy bastard.
When she got overwhelmed with stuff she asked me to take over, and I said sure. Only one problem. The analogy doesn’t work for me. I don’t beat up on myself (well, very very seldom). I do keep thinking of things I could have done differently when it came to my mother, but when I look at it clearly I realize that there really wasn’t anything I could do. Things that I could have changed (gotten her into some kind of assisted living) probably would have killed her even sooner. And damn, the woman was one month shy of 98 and still independent. Trying to find guilt is purely self-indulgent.
So each time I try to come up with a Good Wolf/Bad Wolf post I get sort of tangled in the metaphor, and it loses its point. So we’ll leave Good Wolf lunch for whenever Jenny feels so inspired, and on Fridays I’ll talk about whatever I feel like. F’rinstance, how the week has gone.
Which is okay. I’ve gotten some writing done. On Monday and Tuesday I was feeling weepy and anxious — on Wednesday and thursday much more cheerful Part of it was looking at some amigurumi patters for Final Fantasy characters. Because we’re going to Disney World in December (my 65th birthday present to myself) we’re having a really scaled back Christmas. And last year’s presents for Kaim were a huge disaster, and I’ve finally gotten it through my thick head that I shouldn’t buy her presents. She’s changing her name, and we’ve been marginally resistant (feels a little like a rejection of us as parents) but we improved over it so I ended up getting her name stuff. A mug with her new name on it. A new sign for her door (it had said “Kate Street” and I got a new one that said “Kaim Street.” A silver necklace with the new name. And maybe a Christmas ornament with the name.
I thought I was being lovely and assuring her of our total acceptance. (Loud rude buzzer noise). The mug was nice. The rest was stupid, no one wears a necklace with their name on it (yes, in retrospect I realize that but her name was symbolic of her new identity that were were accepting and loving and I thought that was different. Nope.
She’s bitched about silly stuff I’ve put in her stocking in her past, etc. Not much in the Christmas spirit, I’m afraid.
So this year she was getting only gift cards or exactly what she listed at Amazon.
But with the cost of Disney, which is our present to each other (I’m taking everyone — Kaim, Tim, Erin, Alex, me and Richie) then Christmas will be very lowkey and homemade.
But Kaim adores Final Fantasy (and other anime stuff) and I can crochet her amigurumi. Which she might reject as well, but at least I’ll have fun doing it.
It’s kind of a drag, because I really love giving presents, and it’s hard with a child who doesn’t want them and doesn’t seem to understand the spirit of the thing. But c’est la vie. I can also make her fingerless gloves, which she likes, and I’ll make a hat which may or may not be a reject. And that’ll be it.
So looking at the amigurumi photos made me smile. Here are a couple of them: That’s the Black Mage, and he’s fairly easy.
Kaim’s always loved Chocobos, so I thought I’d try this one:
And the biggest challenge will be Vincent Valentine, a luscious vampire. Here he is as amigurumi, and here he is from the video game.
So this makes me happy. I’ve already finished three shawls (got one more to make) and then I’ll start in on other ideas, but in the meantime I’m going to try to think of stuff that cheers me up. After all, the weather is gorgeous, the book’s keeping be emotionally invested, and there’s a baby coming!
Nothing but good times ahead. How’s your week gone? It’s been wretched for people close to me, so I wonder if there’s stuff in the air.
As Florence (of Florence and the Machine) would say, “Shake it out.”