I am truly bummed about Robin Williams. In fact, I’m grieving for him. He was fearless as an artist, and that fearlessness made him brilliant, even with missteps. If you don’t make missteps then you’re holding back, and I admire going for it more than anything else in the world, I think. That’s why I adore the movie “Tin Cup.” The ending to me is so triumphant and glorious — throwing everything away for the one perfect shot (and I don’t even play golf or like it much).
That’s the kind of artist Robin Williams was. And his death feels personal. Well, this is one of those weeks with one of those things I no longer mention because everyone says “why don’t you remember the good stuff?” and I can’t really explain that the good stuff hurts even more.
But I digress. I mourn today.
Oh, and remember I said yesterday that this time Erin and Tim were truly split. Uh, not so fast. I heard him on the phone when he got home and he ended it with “love you, bye.” And I asked him who he was talking to. Erin. She came over for dinner, Richie and I made ourselves scarce.
There’s a saying we learned in a parents’ support group back in the bad old days — don’t go on the roller coaster ride with them. I got Richie to take me out because I didn’t even want to stand by the ride and hear them scream. We went over to the lake (to the one house that remains in the family) and I sat out on the dock and wrote longhand and waited for the moon to rise while Richie went for a walk. I saw five loons glide in front of me and then dip into the water. Beautiful. Then we went and did grocery shopping at 9 rather than waste daytime doing it, and drove home looking at “bella luna” while I sang “Quando m’en va” (Musetta’s waltz from La Boheme – one of the themes from “Moonstruck”) and “That’s Amore.” Yes, I know some opera, and I sing it terribly, but I love it.
I got masses accomplished yesterday, mapping out the end of the book, and yes, I did swim in the lake and float in my pool. Tonight we’ll go see Guardians of the Galaxy, partly in honor of Robin Williams, who appreciated a laugh more than anything.
People don’t understand depression, don’t realize how awful it can be, how bleak. You get blinders on and can’t realize how loved you are. For today, for the week, for the rest of your life, I hope we all (me included) can try not to get annoyed with what we see as constant moping. Many times there’s no choice in the matter. Who would feel bad when feeling good is a real choice?
Enough of a sermon. Back to work. The cold weather is coming in, and I need to get to work (book due on Friday).
Go out and hug a depressed person, whether they like it or not. And if they can’t take a fuck, joke them.