So. Oh, shit, you know, I was going to start complaining about all the things I have to do, but that’s so bogus. Yes, I’m doing a million more things than I do in the winter, but I’m loving them. There are three reasons I love the theater. I think the major one is that after a winter of isolation (truly — at this point there are no friend here I can ask to go out for lunch or to the movies or shopping – they’ve all moved or developed a deep dislike or me or we’ve drifted so far apart it would be strange) I get to be around thirty or so people, all of whom I like a lot. Then again, I’m someone who generally likes people. I’m interested in them, like talking to them about themselves, about stuff. The second reason is I love singing. For some reason my singing voice for musicals has gotten loud and strong and on-key. And higher than it used to be — I can hit an F without much problem when my voice always used to crack on Es. Plus it’s lower than it used to be too. I don’t seem to have my country or folk voice any more, which was passably good (not professional, but good enough), and I hadn’t been singing in years, so that part’s glorious.
And I kind of like to act. Er … overact. I don’t try to be the center of attention in any circumstance — if someone else wants it I can be very cheery and quiet. Which can be a problem if I’m with someone who always craves attention. It can get … annoying. But I like to act, to fling myself around on stage. In this one I get to fondle a handsome young man and get kicked in the bustle by him. And I’ll probably cry when he dies. (Jesus, just started crying now — it’s so sad). So we’ll see how much I like sad acting.
It’s exhausting, a tremendous time sink, and my favorite thing to do. At least here, where everyone is fabulous and there’s no star-drama etc.
Plus, I love my book so much I take any time I can to write. Some of my other stuff is getting behind, but basically it’s glorious.
So, no complaints. I’m in a lot of pain but I’m seeing the chiropractor today (a holistic one) and I think they’ll help a lot.
The main worry is Tim. Erin kicked him out and said he had to get therapy, which is all good. But I’ve listened to their one way phone calls and she yells at him when he’s trying to be calm and nice. Tim’s ready to try, but he has to go through certain things (the therapist for one) before she’ll let him back. And there’s the on-going problem of where they live (in a trailer right next to her very toxic parents who have always hated Tim and most of the in-laws). And she needs to learn to share the baby — Tim’s fantasy was they’d both wake up in the middle of the night and change the baby and rock her etc. but Erin doesn’t want to let go. She had her first baby on her own and I think part of her wants her second baby on her own.
And I’ve got to figure out just how much I can interfere, which is pretty much not at all. I go down to see the kids and Erin dumps on me and I need to respond, but I try to be noncommittal. In the past when they’ve broken up (they’ve broken up a lot in the last six years) I’ve been very careful because I wanted what was best for Alex, and I couldn’t say whether having Tim in the picture WAS the best. Alison’s arrival changes everything, and they need to exhaust all possibilities before they give up.
But I gotta keep my mouth shut.
I know most of you with grown children have some who are divorced. Any advice on how to deal with this. I know it’s not my business, and I can’t fix it. But I’m not sure how much I can say when they talk to me. I say counseling and the kids and give a little. The thing is Erin’s pretty low on compassion and affection. When Tim’s feeling anxious or blue and asks for a hug she says “Grow up.” Which he needs to, but if someone asks for a hug it should always be given (unless it’s a pervert).
Any advice on how to deal with this mess?