I’m hoping we’ll be getting some more Brene Brown from Alison, but I’m just popping in here too. Minus three today — could be worse. I’ve been feeling a little morose, so I thought I’d list things that make me happy and things that I’m worried about. I have all these friends who devotedly follow the Law of Attraction and lots of good things are happening to them, and I always feel guilty that I can’t really buy into it or if I do, I can’t spend the time on it. The problem with the things like that (which is a sort of visualization) is that you then are guilty if things go bad. You didn’t visualize enough, you lost your focus, etc. It doesn’t have anything to do with life just handing you hard blows at times. Sigh.
So listing things that make me anxious would be a big no no. But by naming them I can figure out how to deal with them, I can face them instead of pretend they don’t bother me and have them eating away at me.
So here I go.
1. What’s going to happen to my daughter? In fact, what will happen if she can’t graduate is that she will come home and finish her degree locally and learn to drive and get to see her wonderful therapist. These are good things, even if I’m not crazy about a refilled nest.
2. I need a contract. Yes, I think it’s getting to be time to write all my books as Indie books, so I could completely follow my heart, but my income is our only income and has been for most of my married life. We chose to have Richie be the main childcare person while I wrote. And I never would have married an aggressive, driven to make money man.
3. The realtor is coming to look at our house so we can put it on the market. That’s scary. We’ve been in this house since we built it (1986), I moved to VT in 1971, and it was where we came every summer. This is the home of my heart, the place my grandchildren live. But I can’t afford to live here any more.
4. The mess. As always
5. My health and weight. As always.
6. My isolation up here
7. Tim really really needs a job
However, the good things are glorious.
1. We have a plan for Kaim, and I’ll be so thrilled if she can see Helene (her therapist) again. I think she has a lot to work through and I’d feel better if she was away from the influence of her roommate and lifestyle.
2. There’s a baby coming! Not only that, Tim is completely involved, he’s wonderful with Alex, and oh, my there’s a baby coming! It’ll push buttons for me, of course, and I need to remember it’s not my baby (I DO remember). And it’s a girl and I get to buy clothes!
3. I want a new house. I want to sweep this place clean and move to a brand new place, as scary as that thought is. Getting back east to my grandchildren and Crusie will be a challenge without much money, and we can’t find a place that’s right and cheap enough and blah blah blah. But I really want a new house to play with. Seeing Crusie play with hers inspires me.
4. Stories are bubbling around me. I came up with a good tweet yesterday (always a challenge), which was “Ideas are like bed bugs — they’re always bothering me, particularly when I’m in bed.” I’ve got so many ideas, things I want to write. It would be wonderful to have the financial and time pressure off me, so I could just write.
5. Tomorrow is my 39th anniversary. I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii to renew our vows and get new wedding rings (I don’t wear mine any more because Richie didn’t buy it for me and he’s never worn one). We’ll find someplace to go out to dinner. I really really wanted to see Richard Thompson, who’s in my area for two different shows, but they’re both sold out. Sigh. Richard is the soundtrack to my contemporaries.
6. I’ve been good with my eating, so that’s a step in the right direction.
7. I have lovely quilts to make.
It’s going to be all right. Gotta remember Dame Julian of Norwich. “All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.”
Or, as Jenny would say, nothing but good times ahead.