Scared Straight (Krissie)

Photo on 1-26-16 at 10.07 AM Hey, I brushed my hair for you.
So there’s a silver lining to every cloud. After my intestinal explosion (made much more bearable by the fabulous nurse) I’ve been fairly terrified to eat. I pushed water and only ate things filled with fiber and then read the stuff they sent home where they said don’t add too much fiber at once or it could make me constipated again. Aiyee!

I would truly, happily, go through the surgery again than have that happen. And it seems only fear of acute pain can keep me from shoving garbage in my mouth. I’m also feeling vulnerable — having to have my shoulder replaced, having my knees get worse and worse so that I’m becoming less and less mobile. And I’m too young for that. Would have been nice to have a revelation 20 years ago (well, actually I did and lost a lot of weight then). But at this point I’m really at a fork in the road (if you’ll pardon the expression). I can do what I can to become healthier and more mobile, or I can indulge myself with comfort food that gives temporary relief and more pain. I can work on the alternatives to eating, and there are plenty of them. It’s a choice. And I’m tired of hurting.

Some things won’t be cured by weight. There’s just wear and tear on the body over the years, and I know that. But the knees and legs won’t ache as much if they’re not carting around as much weight – that’s a no-brainer. It’ll make recovery from knee replacement so much easier. And I’ll be able to go for walks with the love of my life (and shopping with Crusie, the second great love of my life. ¬†Crusie, not shopping. ¬†Shopping’s third ).

So it’s really begun already. As expected, I haven’t felt very hungry since the surgery, and the stomach upset made it even worse. So I’m heading toward Mediterranean plus extra fruit and fiber. I’m going to walk around the house five times every couple of hours as well as doing my rehab exercises, and as soon as I’m allowed back in the water I’ll be going (I’m still not allowed to drive). I’m going to get better, damn it! I’m too young to be so old.

So I’m using Refab, because that’s what I wanted in the very beginning. A place to hold me responsible. Ginger oatmeal, seltzer and black coffee for breakfast. Then Richie will help me shower and I’ll go from there. Shopping at the grocery store before I see my therapist, and suddenly, maybe, no, fuck it, definitely, hope for the future.

I’ll take all the suggestions, support, encouragement, participation anyone has to offer.


14 thoughts on “Scared Straight (Krissie)

  1. Eileen A-W says:

    You aren’t old, you’re experienced. I know people in their 50s & early 60s who have had knee replacement surgery. I don’t think it’s always an age thing. Keep up the good work Krissie and positive attitude!!

  2. Kieran says:

    Do not go gentle into that good night…rage, rage against the dying of the light!!!

    You’re not going to give in to comfort food and sitting around. Your spirit is too big for that. You’re going to rage, you’re going to burn, you’re going to obliterate the stiffness of your joints and the extra weight you want to lose. You’re going to fight, fight, fight every day, and the number one way to do that is to establish that routine…as few choices as possible so you don’t weaken beneath the burden of too many choices. Same breakfast and lunch every day–different dinner (but maybe predictable dinners, like Healthy Choice and a salad). And Richie and you will team up and walk, walk, walk.

    Do not go gentle, Krissie. Tell yourself that every day. XOXO

  3. Yay! Good for you Krissie.
    I’m going to jump on board with you. It’s time for me to shed a few unwanted pounds and stop sitting around stewing about selling my house/not selling my house. My default for stress has always been comfort food. I need to gradually increase exercise. The last shot to the knee worked some, but it still aches when I overdo. But I have to do. Something. Now.

  4. You can do it!

    I’m working on making myself get up and move again. Joined a gym in November and actually went until I hit the mid-December wall. Finally started up again last week and already have a minor injury, which just points out how much I need to do this.

    Hang in there.

  5. Lynda says:

    Good for you, Krissie! As soon as I get the OK from my doctor after my checkup
    next month, I’m going to trot across the street from the clinic and sign up at the gym, so that I can start using their pool. I’m not ready for water aerobics yet, but I want to just begin water walking. Last September when I was in Colorado I got into a pool for the first time in 30 years. I loved it! I loved it so much that I’ve thought about getting my own swimming pool, but my kids tell me my yard isn’t really large enough, and I’m not sure it would make a lot of sense to go to that kind of expense and hassle when the gym is only about five minutes away from the house. Anyway, sweetie good luck to you! I know you can do it. We both can!

  6. Office Wench Cherry says:

    I recently read Shonda Rhimes memoir and one of the things she said about losing weight really struck me. She said that once she accepted that losing weight, that not eating the comfort food, that exercising, sucked – and was always going to suck – she felt better about it. We are always told that losing weight is easy, so we expect it to be and when it’s not we give up. I think that if we commit to understanding that it’s always going to be hard, it’s easier to deal with. Maybe not enjoyable or fun, but easier.

  7. Cindy says:

    I love this post! I’m there with you. I’m on week 4 of a six week exercise transformation. This exercise routine is a bit more challenging than I’m used to, but it feels good.

    I started exercising back in 2013. I’ve always preferred exercise videos to going to the gym, it’s what works for me. But what didn’t work for me was the hard-to-do cardio, or the strength training for body builders, or the instructor being over-the-top bubbly, or an instructor yelling at me to work harder.

    In 2013 I discovered an instructor on YouTube who fit me perfectly. Her channel is JessicaSmithTV. She has all kinds of workouts- strength, cardio, pilates inspired, yoga, walking, stretch. Some are more intense (yet doable), and others are easier. I get up in the morning, and I do the video that sounds good that day. This has kept me motivated and exercising 15-30 minutes a day, 5 days a week for more than 2 years!

  8. Maine Betty says:

    Movement, it’s one of the great anti-depressants.
    I moved a little too much today, helping a friend move from a large house to a smaller apartment. But bed, it’s one of the great-well, it’s just great.

  9. Jill says:

    Go Krissie ! Post Op recovery can be hell !

    Walking is good , or other exercises ,that will strengthen the knees .

    Loved Dark Journey

  10. Kelly S. says:

    Losing weight will help with the knees but if you have the opportunity to get the knee replacement surgery, don’t wait until the weight is off. You’ll be able to move more and lose the weight easier if you can move. I know you’ve mentioned you aren’t sure you want the knee surgery, but I haven’t found a single person who had knee surgery who wasn’t happy with the results. Most question why they didn’t do it sooner.

    Recover first from the shoulder surgery, then as soon as you can tolerate it, seek out the knee surgery. No one said ever, wait, you’ll heal faster when you’re older.

    That all said, I should have read refab earlier. I wallowed in comfort food and Galavant tonight as the possibility came up today that I might be a candidate for hip surgery. We’ll see what the MRI tells.

    Good wishes for you!

  11. JenniferNennifer says:

    The one thing I like about the restrictive diet I do every January is that it makes me realize how often I use food to “fix” something…… and that it doesn’t really fix anything, at best it masks it. Better to come to acknowledge what is really going on, even if I can’t fix whatever it is.

    Best wishes for the life decisions you are making – may they reward you quickly and well.

  12. Lois says:

    I had a revelation while meditating one day – I realized that I was saying ‘I’m too old and tired’ but realized I could have 1/4-1/3 of my life left! I had started it as kind of a joke but it was turning into my self talk. No more. I am not to old do do anything I damn please! So I will be joining you on eating for health not comfort. Exercising in whatever way doesn’t hurt the places that already hurt.

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