L’sTiF: Self Love

No, not that kind of self love. A) It wouldn’t be the first time and B) this isn’t that kind of blog. No, what I’m talking about is what this girl is talking about; having the ability to look at myself with love, accept what I am, and not associate myself with a thousand negative (and untrue) qualities I don’t possess because of the one quality I do possess.

So, this week, I’m just gonna listen, and let this chick talk. Because sister speaks the truth, and it’s important to shut up those evil voices. The most evil voice that must be squashed, however, is the one inside, and this girl has done it.

28 thoughts on “L’sTiF: Self Love

  1. Mary M. says:

    This was powerful for me. It’s something I struggle with daily as a fat girl. The negative voices are still trying to tell me that because I’m fat, I’m not good enough. And when I let those voices take over, I feel insecure about my relationship with my beloved, afraid that he’ll one day wake up and say, “What in the hell was I thinking??”, unworthy of the love he tries to give me, and just plain ugly. When society seems to constantly be telling us that to be ugly (there are so many pretty fat girls, but I don’t consider myself one of them) is the worst thing you can be, I start to believe it.

    I work daily at quieting those negative thoughts. Some days are better than others. One of the things I have found helpful is getting it out of my head. When I share my fears and negative thoughts with others and talk it through, the negative thoughts hold less power. When I keep them in my head, I kick them around and kick them around and then my thoughts spiral downward to where I begin to think crazy things like breaking up with my boyfriend is for the best. “He’s going to leave me anyway because I’m not pretty/interesting/thin enough; I might as well do it first and get it over with.” It hasn’t been that bad in a while and I bless his heart for being so patient with me and so understanding. But I also know that this is a pain I have to deal with and heal on my own. I have to believe I am good enough because all the reassurance in the world from others won’t do it.

    So I have learned to recognize the negative thoughts, look at them for what they really are (my hurt inner child trying to protect me from being hurt again), and replace them with positive thoughts. I either journal or talk with someone when I get too “in my head”. And I give prayers of thanks every day for the courage and strength to overcome these fears and doubts. And I say positive affirmations. “I affirm and know that I am enough right now.” “I affirm and know that I am loved.” “I affirm and know that I am worthy.” “I affirm and know that I am lovable.” “I affirm and know that I am deserving of love.”

    To all my sisters out there who are reading this and struggle with feeling as though they aren’t enough…know that we can beat this. We can get to the point where we see ourselves as perfect, because that’s the way we were created. No other reason necessary. I am perfect because I am perfect.

  2. My best fantasy is getting to heaven (50 years from now) and meeting our Creator. She’s a big presence, full of joy and laughter–a round woman. She greets me with a big hug and says, “Baby, why did you worry so much about the size of your ass? Your ass is perfect. Take a look around you.” And when I look around at all the angels in their “new” heavenly bodies,I see that every single one of them is as round or rounder than me and they’re all so gorgeous, smiling and welcoming me with love like I’ve never known. And finally, I see how truly beautiful I am.

  3. Everyone has their moments no matter what their size. I am in no way considered fat by society – in fact I am often “teased” (*cough*mocked/ridiculed*cough*) for being skinny but since I compare myself to my former self I often think I need to trim this or that part of me down. I normally get over it and tell that voice to SUCK IT (ha!) but it comes back. I’m trying to make sure my own daughter only gets positive messages from me about herself.

  4. Kieran says:

    Nan, I loved that image of your Creator!

    What I thought when I finished watching that video was this: isn’t it a shame we have to waste even a second of our day dealing with defending ourselves against mean people? And Lani, you talk about the voices inside, so there’s a double whammy–bad voices inside and out.

    It’s such a waste of our precious time. We don’t have forever to figure out why we’re here and what we should be doing–to become our very best selves! All this trash talk is just that–litter in our lives. It needs to go.

  5. Love it! I go through stages of self-loathing, but I’m pretty pleased with myself right now. And my self-loathing is never that bad. But lord, I have issues.

  6. That is one awesome young woman! There should be a fund so this could be played every night prime time. I’m going to remind myself to revisit this video because that is a message hearing many times.

  7. JenniferNennifer says:

    And she demonstrates so well that someone who likes themselves is so much more alive and attractive than someone who does not like themselves or their body.

    A perfectly fit beauty who hates her body gives off negative energy. I’d rather be actually ugly and enjoying life any time.

  8. Bethany says:

    How beautifully honest 🙂 Well said, sister!
    I understand exactly what you are saying. Especially the insecurities with the boyfriend. My guy is in the entertainment industry. So when I say i’m the heaviest girl he’s dated in the past decade, I am being completely straight with you. I am following in the wake of honest-to-god actresses, models, and magician’s assistants that make Barbie look frumpy. Way to give a zaftig girl a complex.
    Sometimes it’s so very hard to hear the voice of truth when our old wounds are busy screaming lies through our minds.
    You are far from alone. And yes, you are perfect.

  9. Micki says:

    LOL, I’m a little late this week, so I started with “Okay, sex”, and then I saw “Self-Love,” and thought: OH! Theme week!

    I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this video . . . she does a great job of squashing critical voices.

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