Lani: WTFW Want

decide that you want it_thumb

This is what it really comes down to, isn’t it? What do you really want, and what fears are you willing to face to get it?

This week, be it fucked or be it fab, what do you want? And how far are you willing to go to get it?

77 thoughts on “Lani: WTFW Want

  1. This is a great quote – puts it in a nutshell.

    This week, what I want is to be at peace with myself; to relax and enjoy the things I need to be doing at the moment. I’m editing an interesting book on Gandhi, but it’s 250,000 words long, including more than 1,300 notes. I’m worried I won’t be able to meet the deadline of mid April, and so am pushing myself and feeling inadequate.

    My fear of relaxing and trusting myself to do the best job I can is that I’ll be too slow and disappoint the publisher (my only client); and also that I’ll then not have enough time to redo my website and publish my book before Open Studios in June. So survival stuff, really.

    This is a very familiar script, and always makes me mad. I need to take some time out to breathe and get my head straight!

    • Neil Gaiman said that to make good art you need three things – to be good at it, to submit it on time and to be a likeable person – paraphrased. He’s found that 2 out of 3 is acceptable. If your work is good and you’re nice, people don’t mind if you submit late… Etc, etc.

      Methinks you’ll be fine. (((((Hug)))))

      Btw that’s from his “make good art” commencement speech.

      • Hah! Love that quote and it applies to everyday life too. I always reassured myself that if I showed up on time and was pleasant to be with, my coworkers and supervisors would be more inclined to be patient with me while I was learning something new or needed a favor here or there.
        And I’m feeling the same editing crunch because I got an email today that my publisher has assigned an editor to my second book and now I have to work my MS into the house style guide and get it in. Eek!

  2. This week, I want to meet the deadline on this editing gig so I can go to see Grandboy next week with only a small amount of stuff left on my plate. I’m willing to put in the long hours it’s going to take to do that.

    In the bigger picture, I want to be courageous about putting my books out there–believe that they are good and that people will want to read my stories. Fear of failing has held me in one spot for too long. Succeed or fail, I’ll never know until I try, so I’m determined for 2013 to be the year I try my damnedest.

  3. Rose says:

    This quote is perfect for how I felt when I got up this morning. I don’t even want to talk about it. I’m just going do it.

  4. stephanie says:

    Definitely a wonderful quote. Very similar to the theme from ‘Who Moved My Cheese?” — ‘what would I do if I weren’t afraid?’ I think that would make a very good ‘resume-style’ list. It works well in a corporate environment and I think it helps get at what our values and desires really are.

    Okay, I’m done.

    My week isn’t F-ed or Fab. It’s just okay. But it’s only Wednesday. I wonder what the rest of the week will bring.

    • Reb says:

      About 10 years ago, we had a corporate shark come in, fire a good managing director and turn us upside down. They did “who moved my cheese?” seminars that did NOT go down well. Some of us still make snarky comments about where our cheese might be.

      I do like today’s quote. A lot of what stops me seems to be fear, though I’m not sure what I’m afraid of.

  5. Today I’m celebrating that I’ve lost enough weight to have moved out of the morbidly obese category into the “only” obese. (Just posted about BMI, categories, etc., on my Weighty Matters blog.) Honest, this is a big deal for me and totally fab.

    I want to continue and be strong in my efforts so that I can lose the remaining 70 or so pounds as efficiently as possible and hit my goal. I will achieve this goal!

  6. Office Wench Cherry says:

    Fab – the in-laws left today for Japan. They will be gone for a month. That means a month of peace. No one telling Tall Boy what he can and can not do (except me).

    WTF – snow. Snow, snow and more snow. For one glorious, shining moment the forecast wasn’t calling for 30-40cms but now they are again. And it’s snowing.

  7. chris says:

    I do know that I DO NOT WANT the giant possum on my deck and I want it to go away. And I am afraid of it.!!!! (and mind you I live in the big city)

    • Maine Betty says:

      How big is giant? I know they are unattractive beasties, but somewhen along the line I picked a fondness for them.
      One day when I lived in Cambridge, Mass, I was grilling some ribs, standing in the drived way by the 3-decker’s rotting old garage. I was spacing out, then looked down at the cat, which turned out to be a possum, quietly lapping up the broth from the bowl I had used to carry out the meat. She gave me a look back with her black button eyes to make sure I wasn’t going to make trouble, then went back to lapping. We hung out for a while: it was a moment.

      • Learn something every day. I’d no idea you had possums in the US – did some mad fool introduce them as pets, like grey squirrels in the UK?

          • stephanie says:

            oh, we got possums and you can learn how to cook ’em up right. I have an old “Joy of Cooking” with recipes. No Joke.

            I only need a cook book because my people aren’t from around here.

          • Tried another dictionary: ‘possum’ on its own is the Australasian animal, which is what I’d come across, having lived in Oz for a while. But it can also be short for ‘opossum’, which is an American mammal.

            We don’t have either in Britain, hence my confusion.

            In any case, good luck in fending off the giant one, Chris.

    • I’ve always had a soft spot for opossums. They seem so awkward and ill equiped to live in the modern world but of course they have been around for tens of millions of years and adapt just fine to living in suburban areas.

      • chris says:

        the giant possum, I would like to say man-eating size. But accourding to my children, it is bigger than a cat but smaller than thier friends lab. I guess I thought (but never experience one) were small, like squirrel size. And the worse part – the tail. it looked like a stick. A big stick. And it sat there on the deck cleaning itself like a cat. ICKKKK!!!! And it had a baby in its pouch. It is winter, cold and please nurse your baby else where. And no I wouldn’t let my kids leave it bread. I don’t want it hanging out. Go back where you came from and please look both ways crossing the busy CITY street I live on.

    • Amie says:

      I was out at my parents one night and there was one hanging out on a cat tree that was outside. Then, it ran under the porch and started hissing at me every time I took a step. She sounded like a crazy, evil creature, but I’m sure she was just scared and being protective. She didn’t bother me, but I didn’t want her to have any conflict with the cats. I brought all the cats inside for the night and told my mom not to leave the cats toys and food outside anymore.

  8. Well, I’ve had WTFab when I went out to lunch with a close friend yesterday; I only have a few more weeks before I move, so every chance to see him is great. I don’t think I’ll manage to see anyone else. There’s just not much time and I have a lot to do.

    The rest of it is just neutral: packing, last medical appointments, arranging things, and watching my money diminish for the move. (That’s just simply a F**k.) But my attitude is mostly good anyway!

  9. Redwood Kim says:

    WTFab: The husband got a completely unexpected bonus for 2012. $5k, due in our account on Friday! WHOOOHOO! We have been so strapped for such a long time. We aren’t suffering anymore, but we are juggling when to replace the tires or get new running shoes, not to mention barely functioning appliances and my husband’s 17yo car. $3k extra post-tax dollars gives us a decent emergency cushion, definitely new running shoes, maybe even a new dishwasher! (Ours is about 60% efficiency, which means I’ve handwashed 90% of our dishes for the last 3 years. Hardly tragic, but definitely tedious and time consuming.)

  10. Mary M. says:

    I want to be in Ireland with the man I love. I am willing to quit my job here and take ANY job I can get there. Being away from him and not being able to truly share our day-to-day lives sucks. It sucks great big rocks.

  11. My WTFab Wednesday continues to amaze me and it has only just begun. : ) I don’t want to use this forum for advertising but will just say if you want to find out about my book which is free on kindle this week click on my name and head to my website. Unlock the Truth cracked the top 100 in kindle store this morning. I’m grinning wide and really, really goofy. : )

    I’m not good about promoting myself but this has been an awesome experience that has taught me to believe in myself and my dream. I’m willing to put my faith and energy and positiveness behind that dream. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel just a bit queasy today…but still.

    • Tanya (Wandering Betty) says:

      Robena –

      Clicked and DONE! Can’t wait to read it and that must be SO EXCITING to type in your name and see it come up on Amazon! Congratulations.

    • Cindy says:

      Thanks for posting about the freebie! I downloaded it to my Kindle. And I’m so glad that you are pursuing your dream.

      • Thank you all so much. It’s really appreciated. And yes, about knowing not knowing people, I feel like I know all of you at Re-Fab and Argh Ink and BettyVerse. Such great communities.

  12. This quote found me about three years ago: “Whatever if is you want; however you want to have it, no matter why you want to have it, you can have it faster if you can first be happy without it.” For about fifteen years, I’ve wanted to be a published author. I was never actually able to get to the “be happy without it” part, though. I think that’s why I’m finally achieving my dream (my book will be out later this year!). I never gave up. I moved on after every rejection. I didn’t let the fear stand in my way. I think it’s fear and desire that push us to change.

  13. stephanie says:

    I think my lunchtime yoga instructor must be a Betty since this was the theme today. Or maybe it’s just that I was finally hearing what she’s been saying for months. Anyway, I was not timid today and I flew. For all of about 10 seconds I was buoyant [okay, one leg was on the ground and I was in warrior 3] and I did not fall – as is what typically happens to me. It was absof-ing marvelous.

  14. Jennifer says:

    I don’t knoooooooooow what I really want.

    Well, I do, but I don’t. I am pretty much Belle here: http://seananmcguire.tumblr.com/post/45264129715

    But what I REALLY want is not under my control to actually GET. So I need something else to actually want, that I can do and is practical.

    You can’t hurry love (for example). I can’t force that to happen and I don’t think I am meant to have it anyway. I’m just as independent as I am codependent and there’s good reasons why I don’t have it and shouldn’t settle down anyway. And while I wish I could be a performer, I don’t have performing talent worth a damn and nobody wants to put me on a stage. I’d sing, but I can’t sing. I’d dance, but I can’t even touch my toes. When I act, all I am is just me while being loud and showing off. My instrumental skills are “meh.” I’ve pondered trying to get into local theater, but I don’t have a car to commute out and am not a student (college town), so….so far it’s not really happening. Even if I had talent, which in all honesty I do not. I think I just want to be a diva with no talent and all ego or something.

    I have been trying to come up with Something Else To Want that isn’t any of the things that I can’t get and am not suited for. Why can’t I just want to write books like everyone else? Why isn’t that a burning desire? Why aren’t I super motivated for that to keep writing and re-editing and sending it out? Instead, I feel like my writing falls flat and I truly don’t care if it gets to live out in the world. Why don’t I actually want to have a craft business instead of hating the selling process? Is there something else out there that isn’t any of these options? Preferably that don’t involve me being a shitty entrepreneur and have a steady paycheck and health insurance? I…don’t think there is that I’ve seen. And I suspect both of those options just don’t have enough uh, “show-off” potential to satisfy me anyway.

    I think the answer to the question is that I don’t know, but apparently I’m not willing to do much of anything in order to chase after…whatever. Or at least I can’t get myself on board with chasing stuff I won’t and shouldn’t be getting, and so far I haven’t found something I want to go through hell and high water for. Feh, but there it is.

    • That’s such a hard place to be Jennifer, but you’ll get through it. The funny part is that I LOVE my provintial life! I want to get rid of a few things, is all.

      Is it possible you are depressed? Depression can make everything seem Meh. Also, could you partner with someone who likes doing the parts that you don’t like?

      One more suggestion – music/singing/dancing/acting lessons. Fun, and improves skill. Back to minding my own business now!

      • Jennifer says:

        I’ve been meh for…forever, I wouldn’t say it’s any more meh than usual enough to need drugs for it. Plus I have pill-swallowing issues, so I’d rather not go there.

        I do plan on taking guitar lessons when the instructor I want opens up again. Hopefully this spring.

    • MJ says:

      Jennifer, does the college in town offer a vocational evaluation service? Maybe a chance to take the Myers Briggs Type Indicator and talk it over with someone? Getting to know yourself in new ways could help you find new wants. Or uncover your real wants. You can do it!

      • Jennifer says:

        Vocational evaluation stuff says I like writing and art. This was…not remotely a surprise, somehow. I’ve taken Myers-Briggs multiple times and I come out with different answers each time–I’m not sure what it helps!

        Mostly I think I just need to find some practical/semi-dull way to do writing/art for money for some corporation. That may be my best bet.

        • Chris S. says:

          There’s actually good money to be made that way — and it’s not all boring. Freelancing itself requires a bit of hustle (and a LOT of follow-up reminders about payment), but the chance to do a bunch of different things for different clients can keep your work life interesting.

    • Amie says:

      Jennifer – I have the same problem. There are only a few things that I’m passionate about, but there is no way I could do them for a living. I LOVE animals, but there is no way I could be a vet because I can’t divorce myself from their pain. There is no way in hell I could euthanize – I can’t even kill bugs. I just pick them up and take them back outside. I also love books, and I had girls in the basement that talked to me from age 6 to 15, but they went silent and the only stories that ever come to me are in dreams (which seem really awesome when they are happening, but then I wake up and I’m like WTF??) I envy those who have drive and passion to accomplish something. I figure until my moment comes, I’m just going to plod along doing accounting and read and crochet at home for fun.

      • Jennifer says:

        Pretty much….I call it the “Harvey Pekar Life Plan.” Have your life on your own time.

        Too bad it’s getting…like it’s not working any more. I have a more draining job now than I did before, so that doesn’t help.

  15. I brought this up in philosophy class a few weeks ago. We are afraid of what we want caused one of the students to stop and make me repeat it. He was really struck by it.

    What do I want? The peace of knowing that anger is an illusion and all really is well.

    What it is that I want? I want to buy a small (two-bedroom) fixer-upper that doesn’t need much fixing up, that I can convert to green building – airflow for summer cooling and closed heat (underfloor mat and insulation) for winter. And then I want to sell it to a young Mr and Mrs (or Mr and Mr or Mrs and Mrs) for their first home and watch their joy as they take the key and start anew, while I move to another one.

    I want to attend welding classes and make practical but whimsical furniture out of wood with re-used and recycled bits that give it charm and uniqueness. And I’m scared to do it because I want to travel and I’m not sure this is the time to start something that works better in a fixed location (well, it does, for me, now.)

  16. Earworm time!!

    “Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. So tell me what you want, what you really, really want? I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. I wanna, I wanna, I wanna ha, I wanna ha, I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah” – Spice Girls.

    You’re welcome. 😀

  17. Maine Betty says:

    Hmmmmm…what I want, what I really really want: some self confidence and ease with my own decisions, so I can actually MAKE some.

  18. Cindy says:

    We’ve touched on this lately. Last year was really bad for a lot of us, and this year is a lot better. Well, for me it was 3 years of hell, and then suddenly everything is good. I spent 3 years with a goal of making my daughter better. And now she’s better. Suddenly I’m at a loss. I need to find a new goal.

    I have a job. But I don’t find fulfillment there. I used to, but I think my purpose has shifted so much. Looking for my daughter’s diagnosis, trying to make her heal, that was so much greater than anything. And now, I’m kind of lost. Don’t get me wrong, I’m THRILLED with life. But I need to find a new purpose.

    And I need to figure out what that should be.

  19. G and T says:

    WTF**K: Everything on my desk today (except my printer) has crashed to the floor — including laptop, external hard drive and afternoon snack. Really? ‘Cause I got stuff to do today.

    As for what I want:
    I just want to do the next thing that gets me down the path to where I want to go. I want a bunch of things — big, big life-changing things. But I am not going to get it done today, this week or even this year. So today, it’s a bit of writing and planning. This weekend, a photography class. Planning for taxes, which may kick my ass comes after, and then travel in May. I can’t do it all now, and I have to be OK with that.

  20. Micki says:

    Oh, I am here to kvetch about my WTFW. I visit classes and teach English for a period, then move on. I’m doing the 3rd and 4th grades today, and yesterday (Wed.) one of the teachers came over and said, “One of my kids really doesn’t like you.” Oh? “Yeah, you used his (common) surname when you teach courtesy titles — he thinks you shouldn’t do that.” Oh, really? Sounds like he has a problem. “I’ve tried explaining things to him, but he still hates you.”

    OK, so what am I supposed to do about it? “Oh, nothing. Just wanted to let you know. I won’t be able to help with the class much because I’ll be sitting on the kid.” (She’s also got a helper.)

    Great. I remember her class, and I remember that kid (I’m pretty sure). I’ve spent all of last night and my lovely drive this morning worrying about how to handle this kid — and trying to remind myself that discipline is the home room teacher’s problem.

    It just makes me a little crazy that the 30-some kids who WANT to study can’t because of one disruptive kid.

    Grrrr.

    Now, back to you . . . . Love that quote.

  21. Barbara Cameron says:

    Maine Betty wrote:
    Hmmmmm…what I want, what I really really want: some self confidence and ease with my own decisions, so I can actually MAKE some.

    You’ve got it backward. You have to make some decisions FIRST and once you see that most of the time they work THEN you’ll have confidence and you’ll make more.

  22. My WTFab this week is all the fab stuff that people here are doing and planning and overcoming fears of. I feel inspired to keep going with my own scary dreams.

  23. Kieran says:

    My WTF moment was that my parents’ jack Russell Charlie was hit & killed by a kid on a dirt bike on the isolated dirt road where my parents live. And the worst part was that this dog belonged to my late uncle, the priest, and the dog was my mom’s last connection to her brother. It was horribly traumatic, but I’m thankful my sister just happened to be visiting with her husband and two teenaged boys, so they helped my 80-year-old dad and my 77-year-old mother get through it, burying Charlie for them and sitting with them for hours on the front porch in those initial devastating hours.

    Sorry I don’t have time to read the rest! Back to the deadline. :>)

    • Kelly S. says:

      Oh, Kieran! That is so sad and horrible!! Was the kid on the bike at least remorseful? Sending {hugs} and sympathies to your family.

      • Kieran says:

        Thanks, Kelly. Yes, the boy was sorry. He was only 12 and a visiting friend of a neighboring family. It was the mom of that family who was defensive, even as she came over to tell my parents Charlie had been killed. They didn’t even get to process that fact before she launched right into defense mode. It was too much for them–my sister had to tell her to stop and let my parents first get through the shock of finding out Charlie was dead. She never even said, “I’m so sorry this happened.”

  24. Reb says:

    I spent today straggling through a long production process for a book that’s due tomorrow. Got to the final make-the-PDF stage and discovered that Acrobat 8 barfed. Googled and discovered that it’d probably help to update to the latest version. That means updating to the 10 versions in between … one at a time. Sent unrepeatable WTF thoughts in Adobe’s direction. Downloaded the first of the updates … and it failed.

    AAARGH!!

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