I get tense before a big transition. We’re moving in about six weeks, and I’m really looking forward to it. Once I can take action, I’ll be good. But in the meantime, I’m just… waiting… and I’m not good at that.
I remember the last few weeks before leaving New York for Ohio, after The Event which put the last nail in the coffin of my marriage so I knew I wouldn’t ever be coming back, but before the kids finished school and we actually left. That was about four weeks, and I hated every one of them. There was nothing to do but sit there and worry about what might go wrong, and in a situation in which I was leaving my husband, my home and my life to start fresh in my best friend’s attic with no job, no money and two kids to take care of… well, that was a thousand times worse than this. Right now, I’ve got security, and everything that matters to me, I’m taking with me. Nothing else in my life is changing except my location, and I’m going to a place where I have friends and a history and a future.
Still. I’m tense.
Life changes on occasion. Sometimes because of us, sometimes despite us, sometimes immediately and sometimes at a painful, glacial pace. But it changes, and for me, it’s changing once again. I like change, I really do, but I like it better when it happens now. Waiting is not my strong suit.
So, what do I do? Do I find peace with waiting, or do I endlessly research the best way to pack, the best pediatricians in Syracuse, taking what action I can until I can finally start taping up boxes? Do I accept that I hate waiting and spend my time obsessing, or should I try to remedy this flaw in my personality and find my zen?
What would you do?