So I went to see my shrink yesterday. Actually I have a shrink and a therapist. The shrink does the meds, the therapist does the therapy. Anyway, I went to see adorable Dr. M, who wears a polka dot bow tie and smiles and is a sweetie, and I talked about how I was feeling a little depressed, but that it was the time of year my mother went into the hospital and subsequently died, leaving me the last one standing except for Mini-me, so it was reasonable that I’d be feeling down. So his first response was that my reaction was entirely reasonable, and we should see how I do when the anniversary is passed, see whether the doldrums had gone.
Made sense. So then he asked me what I enjoyed doing. Uh — I couldn’t think of anything. Well, I could think of floating in the pool listening to audiobooks, but it’s in the 60s and the pool isn’t up yet. I don’t do any of the other things I used to enjoy. I haven’t sewn or quilted, I haven’t done anything with the house (overwhelmed by it). #1 sign of depression: check.
Then he asked how I was sleeping. Terribly. #2 sign of depression: check. I told him I can’t keep anything in my head. I’m doing a couple of on-line interviews and I read the email at least half a dozen times and yet I still thought they were both today instead of one today and one Wednesday. Fuzzy thinking = #3 sign of depression: check.
How’s my relationship with my husband? Do we go out and do stuff? He’s wanted me to and I haven’t been in the mood. #4 sign of depression.
I cry. #5. I sleep during the day (all day on Sunday). #6. Afraid this isn’t going to get better? #7.
So sweet Dr. M said, is it possible you’re more depressed than you realize?
Yup. He said he didn’t want to talk me into it, but what I was describing were all classic signs of depression.
And in fact, that makes me feel better. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so punky, because the last increase in meds is keeping it from spiraling down to the very bottom. It helps to realize it’s just the usual, complicated by a really tough year and the first anniversary of my mother’s death.
So, now that I know, I can start figuring out how to make things better.
I don’t have to feel shattered because two of Adam Levine’s singers got voted off The Voice. (I was taking it very personally). I can curl up in my book and enjoy it, knowing things are going to improve.
It’s funny that I didn’t recognize the obvious.
Anyway, I have a plan. I’m eating better. I’m getting a new cpap mask, which I desperately need. Tim’s visiting friends for ten days, so that will be nice for Richie and me to be alone for a while, and then I’ll take the luxury bus down to see Crusie. It will all be just fine.
Deep breath. I wish these things weren’t coming so often nowadays, but life has been a challenge the last few years. However, tomorrow I’ll tell you about the movie that’s going to change my life.
In the meantime, I’m taking more effexor.