Krissie: Well, duh

So I went to see my shrink yesterday. Actually I have a shrink and a therapist. The shrink does the meds, the therapist does the therapy. Anyway, I went to see adorable Dr. M, who wears a polka dot bow tie and smiles and is a sweetie, and I talked about how I was feeling a little depressed, but that it was the time of year my mother went into the hospital and subsequently died, leaving me the last one standing except for Mini-me, so it was reasonable that I’d be feeling down. So his first response was that my reaction was entirely reasonable, and we should see how I do when the anniversary is passed, see whether the doldrums had gone.
Made sense. So then he asked me what I enjoyed doing. Uh — I couldn’t think of anything. Well, I could think of floating in the pool listening to audiobooks, but it’s in the 60s and the pool isn’t up yet. I don’t do any of the other things I used to enjoy. I haven’t sewn or quilted, I haven’t done anything with the house (overwhelmed by it). #1 sign of depression: check.
Then he asked how I was sleeping. Terribly. #2 sign of depression: check. I told him I can’t keep anything in my head. I’m doing a couple of on-line interviews and I read the email at least half a dozen times and yet I still thought they were both today instead of one today and one Wednesday. Fuzzy thinking = #3 sign of depression: check.
How’s my relationship with my husband? Do we go out and do stuff? He’s wanted me to and I haven’t been in the mood. #4 sign of depression.
I cry. #5. I sleep during the day (all day on Sunday). #6. Afraid this isn’t going to get better? #7.

So sweet Dr. M said, is it possible you’re more depressed than you realize?
Yup. He said he didn’t want to talk me into it, but what I was describing were all classic signs of depression.
And in fact, that makes me feel better. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so punky, because the last increase in meds is keeping it from spiraling down to the very bottom. It helps to realize it’s just the usual, complicated by a really tough year and the first anniversary of my mother’s death.
So, now that I know, I can start figuring out how to make things better.
I don’t have to feel shattered because two of Adam Levine’s singers got voted off The Voice. (I was taking it very personally). I can curl up in my book and enjoy it, knowing things are going to improve.
It’s funny that I didn’t recognize the obvious.
Anyway, I have a plan. I’m eating better. I’m getting a new cpap mask, which I desperately need. Tim’s visiting friends for ten days, so that will be nice for Richie and me to be alone for a while, and then I’ll take the luxury bus down to see Crusie. It will all be just fine.
Deep breath. I wish these things weren’t coming so often nowadays, but life has been a challenge the last few years. However, tomorrow I’ll tell you about the movie that’s going to change my life.
In the meantime, I’m taking more effexor.

26 thoughts on “Krissie: Well, duh

      • Deb says:

        Hi Kieran. Were you the one who wrote about “Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead”? I know I first heard about it here but couldn’t remember who mentioned it. Thank you! I don’t know about Krissie, but I watched it this weekend, bought a book on juices last night, and am about to order a juicer. I’m kinda psyched to try this.

        • Kieran says:

          Yes, Deb, and I was almost embarrassed to mention the title because it’s so cheesy–and a lot of the graphics in the movie are, as well. But it was really inspiring to see those two guys take back some control.

          My sister is like a new person now that she’s juicing–brighter, energetic, and at a much healthier weight–so I’m starting it, too. You can’t eat that many vegetables in one day unless you want to be constantly chewing!! But with juicing, you can get all their micronutrients (you’ll have to find your fiber elsewhere).

          I also watched FORKS OVER KNIVES, which is really good. I can’t go all vegan. But it really brought home the need for veggies and fruits as mainstays of our diets, rather than as afterthoughts. There’s another one, too, a reader told me about, called HUNGRY FOR CHANGE. I watched the trailer, and I can’t wait to watch the entire movie.

          • Deb says:

            The title certainly got my attention. Funny, I was a little leary at the beginning with the graphics but it soon sucked me in. Truly inspiring.

            I’ve seen Forks over Knives too and found it eye opening but I’m too much a carnivore to ever go completely plant-based. I like Joe Cross’s idea of jump-starting a healthy lifestyle with the juicing.

            Thank you very much for mentioning it! And I’ll keep an eye open for Hungry For Change too!

          • ChelSierra Remly says:

            Kieran: What do you do with the fiber/meat? I like the idea of getting my veggies from juicing, but I don’t like the idea of wasting the ‘fiber/meat.’ If I could use it in soups or something, I’d think more seriously about juicing.

            I love to eat apples and the like too much to just throw all that good chewing stuff out. LOL

  1. Deb says:

    Sounds like you have a good Doc. Also sounds like you’ve got a good plan. Hope you’re feeling more like yourself soon. Best Wishes!

  2. Mama_Abbie says:

    I have, thank God, not had to deal with a serious bout of depression for years, but I do remember that I would never realize that I was depressed until I was on my way out of it. It’s such a nasty sneaky disease. Good on your Doc on catching it relatively early.

  3. Auntie JB says:

    Isn’t it strange how you don’t realize you’re depressed until someone (a therapist in my case) says, “it sounds like you’re depressed”. I figured, hey – I’m on antidepressants – I should be “fixed”. But a change up in the meds really helped. I hope they help for you too.

    Kudos to you for continuing to invest in your mental health care – even when $ is tight.

    You go, girl!

  4. Hugs, Krissie. It sounds like your doctor is really tuned into the subtle changes in you. Sounds like he’s a friend as well as a doctor, and that’s the best kind. So glad he upped the meds because even the tiniest increase can have a great affect.

    Hope you’re back to your energetic self real soon.

  5. Redwood Kim says:

    I took The Voice a little too personally, too. SeriouslY? those two were great!
    I’m glad the shrink asked all the right questions. I’m hoping it’s a move, too. ANd the luxury bus sounds like just the ticket.

  6. Therese says:

    Hooray for doctors who actually know stuff! I drive 100 miles for that because the local (very small town) docs have screwed up so badly and so often — it’s like they don’t expect folks in small towns to get anything serious.

    Good on ya, Krissie, for tuning up the meds and making sound, happy plans! Sending you warm, summery vibes!

  7. Lynda says:

    Hugs, Krissie. But congratulations on having such a wise doctor. Never forget, depression is a disease, not a moral failing. I hope the meds kick in very soon, so you can relax and enjoy your alone time with Richie. Love to you both!

  8. I love the idea of a luxury bus. How fabulous. Can’t wait to hear about the movie and isn’t it always the way that once we realize we have something, we feel better. It’s as if our minds and bodies start to heal as soon as have a name for the seething abyss.

    Go doc, go Krissie, go movie.

  9. Michelle says:

    Good luck, hope you feel better. Make sure you get your B12 and Vitamin D levels tested. If they are low it can really exacerbate mood disorders.

  10. Micki says:

    Sounds like good starts!

    It’s so nice to leave the driving to someone else . . . hope the luxury bus is nice. I used to ride the express bus quite a bit when I lived even further out in the wilds of Hokkaido. Chandeliers, red velvet, and a TV. I remember getting bus sick while watching “A Taxing Woman” but I couldn’t ignore the story (-:.

  11. I love mental health professionals who are tuned in to the little stuff so they can help us better! You have an awesome doc there. My therapist in Houston is that way too. And it’s always nice to be able to name something so we know what we are dealing with. Hope the depression eases soon and you can get back to enjoying life!

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