I’m having trouble concentrating. I know you gotta accept the things you cannot change, etc. but all this drama and uncertainty is making me a little … no, a lot crazy. I want to lose myself in my book but I have all these things dragging at me and now, for some reason Erin isn’t answering my phone calls. Maybe she thinks it’s Tim calling, or maybe she thinks I hate her or maybe she hates me because I …
well, fuck it all. I’m having a hard time trying to shed all this stuff. I can’t even run away because I have such trouble walking and even driving.
So I was going to talk to you guys about acting and the interesting aspects to it and how I think it’s widening my creativity (the only thing I want widened about me) and I was going to talk about weight loss surgery and eating (it’s 1:30 pm and I haven’t eaten yet and I don’t feel like eating. Don’t know what I want to eat).
But I’m just too scattered and anxious and blue and worried and … you know the drill. I could get all involved with a pity-party but I’ll spare both myself and all of you that particular irritation. Bad things are too bad to waste self-pity on. And if it’s not that bad then why bother?
I’ll figure out something to eat, even though I’m not hungry, and I’ll TCB for a while. Maybe that will help.