Krissie: Okay, Enough Wallowing

Here’s AKA the Mona Lisa. Yeah, I’m wearing the same shirt — it was still clean and I have to take a shower later so I threw it on. Different glasses, though.
So I wallowed all yesterday. Son left (and he wasn’t that bad, but complaining about life but it upset me). It just set the day off on a downward trajectory that I couldn’t shake. I wept, I brooded, Richie finally took me out for retail therapy and lunch, but I just kept feeling down. I came home and read for a bit (sweet Richie made dinner) and went to bed, and that was enough. Time to pull myself together.
I probably should have tried to kick my butt yesterday, but I just felt mournful. Nothing could cheer me, not even buying new, smaller bras and buttered popcorn jelly bellies for Tim’s fiancee (who searched through Alex’s jelly beans for them — she adores them).
Here’s the plan for today. Gotta see if I can meet up with Crusie and Lani in campfire today to help me with brainstorming on one book and find out where they are on FTL (the thing we’re working on together).
Do a little cleaning in my room.
File income tax extensions.
Send off estimated payments. (Money came in yesterday, just in time!)
Pack for trip (I’ve flying to Richmond tomorrow, coming back on Sunday).
Visit the mother. Cancel the PT appointment (I’ll get to swim at the hotel this weekend).
The only thing that sounds like fun is meeting with Crusie and Lani, and every time we try to plan it something comes up with one of us (lately, me).
Ooops, that’s wallowing again.
Gonna eat a shitload of bran cereal (literally), go in and straighten my room a bit. Plan the nice time in a hotel room away from responsibility, and the fun of meeting with writers at the local chapter meeting. Figure out how to be more positive while I’m balancing financial stress.
Still sounds like I’m wallowing, doesn’t it? At least I’m trying.
I know. I’ll work. That’ll make me feel better. I’ll go in my office, find out what Jenny and Lani have brainstormed already, then looked at what I’ve got on my current thing (I’ve had to switch horses mid-stream).
And all will be well. All shall be well, all manner of things shall be well.
Nothing but good times ahead.
Hmmm. I’m having a wrestling match with the blues. Can sheer force of will banish it?
We’ll see.

35 thoughts on “Krissie: Okay, Enough Wallowing

  1. AuntieJB says:

    I can relate to the “wrestling match with the blues.” The fact that you’re aware of the blues and are working to combat them is the best you can do. You may not get everything done on your list today because that little voice that controls the blues will be chattering away all day, but you’re working to shut her up and that counts.

    Good luck with the wrestling match. My money is on you!

  2. I used to set a time limit on wallowing, Krissie. I’m glad that you’re pulling yourself out of it and moving forward. Onward, onward, Sister Krissie! You shall prevail!

    Congratulations on smaller bras. I’m between sizes and can’t quite fit myself right. I’m thinking I’ll suffer through and, when I’ve lost another 40 or 50 pounds I’ll actually go to one of those places that professionally measures and fits.

  3. stephanie says:

    The weather in Richmond is lovely this week – if a bit cool today. Saturday is supposed to be sunny and 76. Doesn’t that just sound perfect! And yes, I am just more than a bit excited that you are our speaker on Saturday;)

  4. I wallowed a bit yesterday but my friends cheering me up via email really helped. So I say no matter what, make that time to connect with Crusie and Lani. If those two aren’t the cure for the blues, I don’t know what is.

  5. My cognitive-behavioral therapy book has a mantra that might help you: I don’t like it, it’s okay, I can stand it anyway. When our minds are going “I hate this” or “I can’t stand it”, well then everything is worse. I’m working on learning to say the mantra. I hope it helps you. I think it’s great that you are choosing to go on, blues or no blues (to choose is power and it’s action, which is also power .. per my therapist). Go you! I hope you feel better soon.

  6. Lynn says:

    I am avoiding the wallow today too. The week started off with a scary crisis, and although everything is fine now, I think that all that anxiety & adrenaline is taking its time draining away. Lack of sleep not helping either.

    Good luck and strength to you, Krissie!

  7. Lynn says:

    I like the playground-chant quality (gets stuck in the head very effectively!).

    When in need, I also quote the little blue fish from Finding Nemo. “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.”

  8. Yep, I’d been a bit out of sorts for a few weeks. Last week my friends elderly dog died suddenly after being attacked and bitten by another dog. She’s all alone. Lost her mother and brother a year apart only a couple of years ago. And this came just as I was putting myself together after losing my nephew. Then my big boy fish went belly up, and that left me with one lonely bottom feeder. Then another friend was in a traffic accident. (All are uninjured, thank goodness, but cars are damaged.) I don’t know what the phase of the moon is but all I can hope for is that I’ve turned the corner and will now see an upswing.

    A couple of nights ago, I opened one of Deepak Chopra’s books and read his words about creating every day as a new day with a clean slate: “I want to be new today.”

    Choosing those words and saying them with conviction somehow helps. And yesterday, I bought a new fish and named him Tequila Sunrise. And now Old Man (the bottom feeder who is 22 years old…I kid you not) is extremely happy, and they make me smile. So if all else fails, buy a fish. ; )

  9. So sorry you’re down. I think of it as “Having the Blues” which, to me, is different than being depressed. I find that when I “Have the Blues” if I keep moving, doing the things that I both want and need to get done, it keeps me involved in my own life and even if “The Blues” are still hanging around at the end of the day, I feel good about what I’ve accomplished. Damn, that was one long sentence. Ha! Laissez le bon temps rouler!

  10. Maria says:

    Well isn’t that horrible! I say change your plans and make the meeting. So what if your daughter is getting married or you’re burying a loved one {wink} I am sure that all concerned will understand that a dear friend came in from out of town unexpectedly and you must meet with her after all she’s a nun!

    Here’s to hoping that you can make it the next time Terri.

  11. Robena! I do fish, too. What is your bottom feeder? I’m assuming a catfish or algae eater of some sort since you’ve had it so long. And who’s the new guy? For one of my tanks I just bought a baby calico oranda goldfish to replace Pip who passed last fall. Merry just hasn’t been the same since she lost her pal. Hopefully, this will help.

  12. Sorry your day went south. Emotional crap is more draining than the physical crap. You sound like you’ve got this by the tail, though. So give it hell.

  13. Maria says:

    So sorry that it all continues on. Darn garn it, you deserve for happiness to find you. Here’s the whole Hafiz poem:

    Several Times in the Last Week

    Ever since Happiness heard your name
    It has been running through the streets
    Trying to find you.

    And several times in the last week,
    God Himself has even come to my door-
    Asking me for your address!

    Once I said,
    I thought You knew everything.
    Why are You asking me
    Where Your lovers live?”

    And the Beloved replied,

    Indeed, Hafiz, I do know Everything –
    But it is fun playing dumb once in a while.
    And I love intimate chat
    And the warmth of your heart’s fire.

    Maybe we should make this poem into a song-
    I think it has potential!

    How far does this refrain sound,
    For I know it is a Truth:

    Ever since Happiness heard your name,
    It has been running through the streets
    Trying to find you.
    And several times in the last week,
    God Himself has come to my door-
    So sweetly asking for your address,
    Wanting the beautiful warmth of your heart’s fire.

  14. Oh my gosh! 22 years old! We have lost all but two of our fish, but haven’t replaced any because the children lost interest. But we have a giant bottom feeder, Jeff, who is at least 8 years old. It looks like he’ll still be with us when Five goes to college!

    You’ve been through a lot. I hope you can find comfort with Deepak and your fish.

  15. My son caught the fish at a school fair when he was 7 and he’s now 29. Of course all of those gold fish have long since passed but the little guppy guy has lived on and outlived all of the flashier fish. I’d recently kept the tank to one exotic goldfish and the guppy. My kids named him shit eating fish when they were younger. I’m more respectful. I call him Old Man. I keep waiting for him to die and then I plan on no fish. I’ve warned son that he inherits this guppy…it’s written into the will. : )
    This time I got a pretty little regular goldfish, a $5.99 special. I think she’s a girl. Old Man was a bit fiesty with her at first, and then he hid out for a while in his cave. She kept going back to him and shaking her butt and he got used to her. Now they’re swimming everywhere together.

  16. Danielle says:

    If anyone is in need of a pick me up I have a book I would love to share with you all: Bad Girls & Wicked Women. The most powerful, shocking, amazing, thrilling, and dangerous women of all time. Its non fiction which may be off putting to some but its a really interesting view on scandalous women of past generations.

    Hope everyone is having a better Thursday!

  17. I often find music uplifting, but there are some days when that won’t work either. Maybe Friday the 13th has something to do with it.. There’s not a superstitious bone in my body, but, my sister in-law’s plasma TV went on the fritz and a politician, who I had hopes for, sounded like a potato head—-full of starch and nothing else. 😉

  18. It’s not a guppy! Guppies only live 2-4 years. Is there a picture of Old Man on your website? I would love to see what you’ve got.

  19. Micki says:

    I’ve been measured at JC Penney and been happy . . . if you don’t mind a little extra work, I think you should get two bras now, and just handwash them every night. A good bra really makes things look a lot different (-:. Heck, you could probably toss them in the machine with your regular clothes, because before they have time to look like crap, you’ll be ready for the next size.

  20. Micki says:

    OMG, is it Friday the 13th? LOL, I’m not superstitious, I’m not superstitious, I’m not superstitious. See? I said it three times, and now it’s true!

    Keep plugging away, Krissie . . . sounds like a good weekend in store with a change of scenery. Richmond sounds like it might even have some spring . . . . (Woke up to more snow this morning, but I think it’s melted, and now working on the backlog of grey, icky snow.)

  21. Jill says:

    I need reinventing. Long post -sorry

    Tues a wonderful PEO Spring Dinner at a friends house.

    Wednesday -our weekly dine out with some of our HOG friends.

    Thurs. Went to the nursing home to put up an Easter decoration in my
    dear friends room. Catherine was 97, she has not know us for months but
    we still visited. We being her best friend, her nephew from Tulsa, and
    her wonderful care taker . Found that Catherine was being put on
    Hospice. After meeting with the Hospics nurse that night we all decided
    to go home . Went back at 10:00am. I never left her room until she
    passed away at 10:52 PM.-as I was holding her hand.

    In the meantime DDColleen and SILRob and the 2 grandgirls came to town.
    They went out to Rob’s parents and helped pack them up to move to
    Springfield and then drove to Springfield unloaded and drove back. The
    girls were asleep when I got home from the nursing home.

    Saturday DDCait arrived. And I went with the others I mentioned to help
    make funeral arrangements. We gave the girls their Easter Baskets from
    us. I went to Easter Vigil myself because I had to serve as Eucharistic
    Minister. The rest of them went Sunday morning. DDCait and I sat up
    until 3 AM talking. And drinking wine. [:D] She had some work issues
    she had to get right in her mind. And I had to start getting ready for
    Easter Dinner.

    Sunday Catherine’s nephew ate with us. I am a lousy cook to begin with
    add to that I was distracted. And it was chaos around here. Kids left
    that afternoon.

    Monday night was visitation and Blessing. I led the Rosary and did a
    reading. Then we went to Catherine’s for an Irish wake. Her maiden name
    was Tiernan. and that is what she wanted. And I had to fix 2 salads for
    the funeral dinner.

    The funeral was at 10:00am Tuesday. I was lector (as per Catherine’s
    written request). After Mass and graveside service we went back to the
    church hall for the funeral dinner. It was a beautiful day. That
    afternoon Joe and I rode the bikes to escort one of Catherine’s nephews
    home to Monett. He has a Goldwing (Honda bike). [:o)] Silly man.

    Got home and crashed.

    Today I was supposed to play bridge. Still not thinking clearly and
    since there were only 4 of us we visited and ate and played Sequence. It
    was a nice day.

    Tomorrow we are trailering the bikes to Joplin to have them worked on.

    Saturday I am helping host a baby shower. I have to fix food-but easy

    Sunday church and a scheduled ride. I am going to skip the ride.

    Monday we leave for Georgia for grandson’s Turning Blue ceremony and
    graduation. The we ride hard to catch up with our HOG group in Waco, TX
    and ride the Hill Country. Won’t be back until the 28th.

    Easter has been a basket of mixed blessings

    ps: my little finger is better but still swollen and painful to use

  22. Maria Powers says:

    I am not sure what to say. All loss is painful but there seems to be so much solace in this passing. Prayers and thoughts with you during this time filled with joy, sorrow, laughter, tears and family.

  23. I’m sorry you’ve lost your friend, Jill. It seems like she was well-loved, and she was definitely lucky to have a friend like you.

  24. Hugs, Jill. Just big hugs.

    Enjoy that ride through hill country. I’m envious. Go visit Fredriksburg and Luckenbach, we used to go there in the early 70’s.

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