Krissie: More fun

Alex is coming for the day (at least, I think so). And he and I will back and decorate and have a fabulous time!
Talked to my therapist about the big horror scene, and she, like you guys, applauded me. I’ve been nervous about telling people we’e let him back in, but he not only apologized, he’s treating me with respect. I think that’s the word, and it shocks me. Well, I think I shocked him. Anyway, my therapist didn’t give me shit for letting him come home after the apology, just said I had to insist he had long-term therapy. And that’s what he wants too — when I left to see my therapist he asked me to get names of possible people to see.
So things are moving again in a surprisingly positive direction.
I just don’t have it in me to kick him out when he has no place to go as long as he doesn’t abuse me emotionally or verbally. I won’t put up with it any longer. Things have suffered a sea change, and I don’t think we’ll ever go back to the way things were, thank god.
About sales — when I shuddered at the thought of sales it wasn’t sneering at sales. Being a good salesperson is a real gift — being able to talk someone, figure out what they need, helping them avoid something shiny that they don’t need, is wonderful. I shuddered at the thought of me selling. It’s part of me having a hard time accepting help. I have a very very hard time selling anything, taking money for anything. I think it’s part of my need to take care of people. I’m also the person who insists on picking up the bill (unless I’m with Jenny, who’s got the same gene but even stronger. We finally worked it out that we alternate. Used to be I’d pick up the cheap places to make it easier for her to accept. Or at least I thought that was how she felt). Anyway, I’m just not a salesperson — it’s antithetical to my nature. So my shudder was for that, not for the job. But I’ll be careful with my shuddering, because I don’t want Tim (might as well start calling him by his name — I’ve accidentally used it a few times) to think I look down on it.
And the good thing about sales is it’s relatively easy to start in. It needs to be something he cares about though. Like Burton snowboards, or adventure travel, or outdoor equipment.
God, it’s Friday already? I lost the week entirely. Monday I finished the book and had … whatever it was.
Tuesday I was a basket case. Wednesday I was still shaky, rearranged the living room (those slidy things they advertise on tv are great). Yesterday I did some decluttering, went to the therapist and went food shopping. And there went the week.
Today I get Alex and declutter and then re-clutter, though I’m going to pare down my Christmas decorations and take a bunch of them to Goodwill.
Lots of things to do and happy to do them. Maybe the Cymbalta is working. Maybe finishing the book is working. Maybe finally screaming at Tim, after 25 years of frustration and hurt, worked. Don’t know.
Ooops, Alex is here. Can’t even proofread.
I thought I’d put this up but I hadn’t. Anyway, I had a great day today, even though both my coffee maker and my dishwasher broke.

14 thoughts on “Krissie: More fun

  1. Hey sucks about the coffee pot totally. On the other hand, your dishwasher may have broken but you let the kid back in (totally understandable & no judgment from me) so you still have a dishwasher (IMO). He lives there for free; he can do the dishes.

    Sales, if you are good at it, is an incredible job. I think I missed your shuddering at that. Oh well. It is always best to sell something that you believe in or at least can convince yourself is cool. Sounds like the holidays just might be bearable to the point of wonderful.

    Happy, happy. Merry, merry!

    • Barbara Cameron says:

      I had a friend who loved selling. He was making $100,000 a year selling timeshares before the economy went bad. He could sell anyone anything but he never took advantage of someone who couldn’t afford what he was selling. I, on the other hand, am uncomfortable with it as you are, Krissie.

      I did offer to let my son move in when he had a need recently but he and a friend are sharing an apartment instead. Home is my sanctuary. As devastated as I was over my divorce I still dearly loved the peace and quiet I got…even with two kids. Family (dad, mother, brother, sister) all moved in for periods and made me miserable when they brought their selfishness and drama. I was miserable and had to put a stop to it. A friend’s several month visit to avoid the cold weather (I live in Fla) sealed my resolution to say no to visitors who want to spend significant time in my house when she brought the same selfishness and drama. I won’t ever let someone disturb my sanctuary again — writers need more peace and quiet than most…

      • We do need more peace and quiet. It’s hard. I have very mixed feelings — I love when Richie has a trip but I also miss him terribly.
        I will admit I’d loooove an empty nest. Tim would love to live independently. We’re working at it.

  2. It was worrisome when you hadn’t posted. Glad you just forgot in your joy to see Alex! Sorry about the broken appliances; that just sucks, especially when you ant to use your money on gifts, not repairs.

    Sounds like you are doing better. I’m very glad. Happy decorating!

  3. jinx says:

    Coffeemaker: look for a drip device at a thrift store or local freecycle list. Dishwasher: When mine broke, we shifted to a large plastic IKEA salad bowl used as a dishpan, and it’s been a piece of cake ever since. Lower electric bills, wash things whenever you want. One door closes, another opens.

    But alas for all the pain you went through. Can’t have been fun. But it sounds like it was effective and bought you something they don’t sell anywhere — that whole “respect” thing. 🙂

    • Fortunately or unfortunately it’s not the dishwasher, it’s the drain under the sink. We’ll use liquid plumber and Richie has a plumbing snake. Otherwise it means the septic tank needs draining.

  4. Tracey says:

    Man, it nvr rains but it pours, huh? If Tim is handy, make him fix the d/w as penance. Glad you had a great day w/Alex, and delighted Tim is gettin’ w/the program. My Drsma Tween has two fiends — oops, FRIENDS — sleeping over tonight, and I’m wiped. But I’m lifing a glass of Shiraz to you and your achievements. Salud!

  5. I think it’s great Tim wants to do therapy as well. As someone who’s been myself, I know how effective it can be — well, when one wants it to be. No shame about taking your son in either. I know so many parents that have adult children staying with them, long term or short. We’ve certainly been there ourselves. Respect is good. So, well, even if it sounds cheesy, so is love. Hope you have had a glorious day with Alex.

  6. Micki says:

    Isn’t it fun to get started on the holidays? I want to do that this weekend, too.

    Glad things are taking a positive direction!

  7. Eileen A-W says:

    You do sound happier & I”m glad you were able to spend the day with Alex. I totally understand the letting your son back in to live with you. I have 4 adult children, of which 3 live with me & the hubby. We have the eldest, 29, who just started grad school after living on her on the pass 4 years. We have the baby, 20, who is still in college. These 2 are not the problem. They hold down part time jobs while going to school. We also have #2, 26, who graduated from college 5-1/2 years ago. He asked to live with us while he took a year off before applying for law school. Well, one year turned into 2 into…. You get the idea. No law school, he is blogging and tweeting about college hockey for an online sports page. It doesn’t pay & he has done some networking, but still no job. So he inhabits part of our basement losing more confidence about job seeking. This is an issue because he is not trying to find a way to support himself. So, life goes on as we try to figure out how to create some change within our household.

  8. It’s great to hear life is moving in a positive direction. Especially your son seeking help, that’s a fantastic step for him to take.

    Happy times with Alex … excellent!

    Nothing but good times ahead … definitely 🙂

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