Krissie: Interim

We get an extra day off from the play, which is a mixed blessing. It enables me to get work done at my mother’s house, and do the various other things like send out the obits, cancel insurance, find an alternative for the gravestone (the first place was outrageously expensive and they have a shoddy reputation) and start packing stuff for Goodwill, the food bank etc.
But I wake up in the morning, in a fairly good mood, and then a brown funk starts creeping over me. Not the blues — blue is too pretty a color, even in its darker, inkier shades. These are the browns — thick and foggy and slow-moving, settling over me like a … not a shroud. But a heavy mantle. And despite my darling Richie, it makes me feel very alone.
It’ll be all right. Once the play is over I’ll balance the work on my mother’s stuff with writing, and that will be a joy. I’ll get through it. Except — shit, the next three books are about three sisters whose parents have just died, including a difficult mother. Crap — there’s no way out of it. I could change the mother — make her nice, maybe. Or have her die earlier. Unlike Crusie, I don’t really have a problem with working out my issues in fiction. In my case it can enrich things, not distract from the story.
So we’ll see how things go.
And I’ll have to start watching food.
It’ll just have to be one day at a time.
Ah, but Kate’s coming to see the show tomorrow.
And Richie’s going to dress rehearsal to film stuff and take some new photos, so we’ll have fun stuff in the next few days.
The good things way outweigh the bad. You just gotta remember to look for them.

20 thoughts on “Krissie: Interim

  1. Tricia Halliday says:

    I think (not being an expert or anything) but writing a book with a difficult mother might just be the thing you need to help you with the grieving process.

  2. You hit it square on – the good nearly always outweighs the bad, but sometimes it’s so damned difficult to SEE the good, because we’re so focused on the bad.

    Focus on the GOOD and you’ll draw more of it into your life. (I say that as a reminder to myself, as well.)

    Hugs, dear! May the browns be swiftly reduced to the dust around your feet as you walk a sunshiny path.

  3. Tricia, I thought the same thing. Take all of those feelings and put them into your work and it will not only help you with grieving but it will be awesome on the page.
    I’m glad Kate gets to see the performance, and that Richie is taking photos. We want some. : )

  4. Don’t make yourself go through all this alone. Get someone in to help go through her things (your niece?). If you are going to have an estate sale, then keep everything because it will sell. I know because that’s what my estate sale guys told me and they were right. Very little was left for donation or trash.

    My sympathies for all the stuff you have to do now. It’s not pretty, it’s not easy, and it’s not fun. Take all the breaks you need. Drink wine afterward. 🙂 Be good to yourself. And remember to call your sisters when you need some extra “poor babies” and support and feel free to vent to us here because that’s what this blog is for.

    Take care of yourself.

  5. Marcia in OK says:


    My problem used to be FOG – Heavy, gray, damp, FOG. The kind the flashlight beam bounces back to you kind. Sometimes I needed a still minute to figure out which way to take the tiny steps. Usually, it was a smal sound that led the way. And, sometimes, I had to have a nap first.

    Sometimes we are alone with our “stuff”. But, those that care can be close to catch us up and remind us that we aren’t alone for always and we can step away from the stuff as we needed.

  6. pamb says:

    That heavy brown mantle is going to keep showing up for a while, but I promise it won’t settle permanently.

    One of the things I’ve long admired about you is you’ve always been extremely talented at finding ways to lift your mood.

    Winging positive vibes your way! {{{hugs}}}

  7. Tracey says:

    I found my fog — my thick, greasy, soupy, jello of a fog — only lifted permanently with pharmeceutical help, and the talk therapy that went w/it. I know you hv both but frankly, to this reader it hasn’t sounded as if they were helping you the way they should. Perhaps fine-tuning is in order?

  8. Ylva Hedin says:

    One day at a time and one step at atime! I think you beeing able to write is a blessing becouse I think it will help you. I always paint or sing and it helps me really well.

  9. I’m so excited! I’m bringing my youngest to see Krissie perform. For get that Broadway woman, I’m there for Krissie!

    Also if you need a hand I’m expert at hoeing out mother’s things. Did it myself a few years back. I’d be happy to drive up and help. Just say the word.

    Krissie and I have met before. She and Lani spoke at a conference I was chair of a year or so back. But there never is enough time at those things and I’m happy to be in the audience while she shines!

  10. The big takeaway after my mother died is a mother dying is like no other death. One experiences the grief alone. Friends and loved ones, hold them close and let them hold you close, but there are nuances to losing a mother unique to each daughter and largely inexpressable to the outside world.

    Down the line, amidst intervention by other events – also known as life goes on – the feeling which is simultaneously like a sharp-edged weapon and an anvil weight will shift. My hope is the shift leaves you in a better spot, one where you feel reconnected and full up on perspective. May take some time, but less time than you imagine at the moment.

  11. Micki says:

    Got nothing encouraging or bossy to say today, but it is so interesting to see how you work these things out. It’s not a fine situation — it’s an extremely *bumpy* one — but you are doing fine.

  12. No internet for a few days, so I’m catching up.

    Glad the play is going well. Wish I could be there to watch and cheer you on. And, oh, yes, pictures or video!

    I hope your doldrums go swiftly away and peace finds you. {{{HUGS}}}

  13. Kelly S. says:

    I really like the idea of an estate sale if you can accept it. Hire someone to go thru your mom’s stuff for you to arrange the estate sale and pay them from a portion of the money raised. This way you don’t have the burden of going thru everything and it may help your financial situation. Bonus is a reputable firm will be able to manage it better than a grieving family member can on her own or even with a wonderful hubby & niece.

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