Krissie: Good Wolf Lunch

images-15 So we’re taking lunch literally again. 243 on the doctor’s scale today (241.5 nekkid at home). But I’ve been trying for a few days. Using My Fitness Pal on the ipad — super easy and I really like it. Been going over my limit, so that in five weeks I’d lose 9 pounds (ugh) but I’m getting more organized again.
1. No fried foods (I was out and so tempted. Some fried foods would have fewer calories than the healthy choices I made. But no fried foods.
2. A glass of water for every beverage (Tab, Diet ginger ale, lemonade, etc.). I’m still down to mostly one Tab a day, sometimes two if I’m tired.
3. More veggies, more veggies, more veggies.
4. Do not make excuses at Crusie’s. No pancakes and fries with gravy etc. Those things won’t disappear. At some point I can treat myself. But right now, nope.
5. No sugar. No morning glory muffins or doughnuts or cookies or … anything. I can get sweet stuff from fruit.
6. Start swimming again

Here’s the deal. I had borderline ovarian cancer six year ago. They scheduled a hysterectomy in 5 days and the doctor was convinced it was bad. Fortunately it hadn’t popped yet, but I’ve been getting follow-ups like crazy. I’m down to only twice a year, I’m good with mammograms and colonoscopies and breast exams and pelvics and CA 125s etc. But I’ve been feeling pressure and uncomfortable, and my CA 125 was up just a smidge (well below normal). But I had a … not so much as a bad feeling, but a more of a sense that I better watch things. The strongest I’ve felt those warning signals since I had the original surgery. And the doctor said it was a little hard to feel things when she did a bi-manual. Of course it is. I have so much pudge there that if there’s a growth there’s no way to feel it. So (thwap!) with the Salmon of Correction. I ache all the time from dragging this weight around, I don’t fit my old clothes (too big) and I don’t fit my new clothes (a little too tight). Enough is enough.

I always look at fall as a time of new beginnings. I’m nesting. I’m cleaning out my office, we’re going to Lowes and Home Depot to buy paint and a new front door and hand rails and handles and all sorts of things.

So I would say I need my slavering, devouring bad wolf locked in a kennel, but you know, that’s not true. We need our bad wolf as well as our good one. To balance us out. We’re all part devouring self-destruction and glorious redemption (I know I’m hyperbolic but that’s the way I roll).

So my bad wolf is on strict rations, while my good wolf is enjoying salads and avocados and applesauce and water. Bad wolf is whispering “you need comfort” and “one little bag of chips won’t hurt” and “there’s nothing here to eat.”
Good Wolf says “suck it.”

What have you guys been battling? Are you ready for the Great Fall Renaissance? I’ve pumped and ready to do this thing!

49 thoughts on “Krissie: Good Wolf Lunch

  1. I’m right there with you! I’m back up the 10lbs I lost last year. Have been eating horribly. Can still fit into most of my clothes, but few of them look good and I’m tired of the back and knee pain.

    So this weekend I join the rec center, and make time to go. I bought paint and supplies last night to get started on the living room. And last night I worked myself into a nasty sweat mowing the front yard and pulling the weeds that were taking over my sidewalk.

    I’m getting laser eye correction next week. I have a new book to write and a proposal to put together. I need to create my new office space, and make my house look like something I’m not embarrassed for people to visit.

    Good Wolf and I are getting down to business while Bad Wolf can take a flying leap along with these extra pounds.

  2. Lynda says:

    Good for you, Krissie! Enjoy getting ready for fall. Hell, just enjoy your Vermont fall, period. (I love autumn, but out here it’s not much different than summer.) And while it’s natural to be a bit paranoid after a health scare like you had in the past, I have to assume that if your doctor thought there was any cause for concern, she would have ordered more extensive tests, so don’t let your Bad Wolf get you all frazzled about that.

  3. If you are feeling kind of off, I’d say pursue it. Sometimes just because it’s not easily findable manually, y’know? It might at least put your mind at rest.

    I’ve been gorging on sweets and am starting to put back on the weight I lost earlier this year. Not. Good. And I’d really gotten quite good at not eating emotionally, which has been creeping back up. So I have to be more vigilant.

    And I need to exercise. My fibro is acting up, probably due to the weather getting wetter, darker, and cooler, and there’s another 8 months of this shit, so I have to do what I can to mitigate it. Plus, I want to be mobile as I get older.

    I think my wolves have been busy harassing each other, rather than bothering or helping me. Not sure if that’s a good thing or not, but I’m perfectly able to get myself into trouble without help. Getting back out requires more effort and help.

  4. I have been having a “craptastic” week. The bright spot, and really it is the only bright spot, is that for whatever reason I’ve stayed on my food and exercise plan. The good wolf is very happy and doing a Snoopy dance of Joy which is amusing as she’s so much furrier than Snoopy. The bad wolf is wondering what is wrong with me. Clearly, there must be something wrong with me. How can I deal with way too hot weather and craptastic behavior of others and still not be self-medicating with food?

    The bad wolf can “suck it up buttercup!”

    Oh, and I learned some stuff about me this week. I don’t want to dwell on the “craptastic” moments. I don’t want to discuss them. I want it to be enough that I simply tell people that it has been a “craptastic” day, week, etc… because reliving it through telling about it only puts me right back in the middle of that story and I hate that story.

    From now on, all anyone gets is the “I’m having a craptastic day.” I will not go back into the moment over and over and over.

    You know the good wolf really is funny looking when she does her Snoopy dance of Joy.

  5. My plan was to start drinking healthy smoothies (no fruit juice) for breakfast and to start making meals again (get the kitchen set up). Then the soreness in my mouth suddenly erupted into real pain and I couldn’t eat. So I’ve lost almost all the weight I gained, but I don’t recommend it. Right now I’m working with my dentist to reverse the pain using anti-inflammatories in the hopes that it’s just swelling because if that doesn’t work, it’s root canal. Also walked Milton one day and then the pain hit, so I’ll try that again now that the meds are taking everything back down to a dull constant ache. And clearing the yard, that’s gotta burn calories.
    The big plan is to get serious about that damn low carb diet which is what will control the diabetes. Considering how awful I’ve been about that, my counts aren’t bad but they could be much better. So healthy smoothies (if I can stand them) in the mornings, and then real cooked food for dinner. Not so many trips to the diner, more trips to the stove. Also get the place cleaned out so I can have heat put in. It’s getting colder here.
    But my bad wolf has been pretty quiet. I think even he shuts up when the pain gets so bad I cry. If we can get the pain thing under control, he’ll be back.

  6. jen wyatt says:

    Krissie, your doctor is more diplomatic than mine. All over my chart it reads “patient’s obesity makes pelvic exam difficult.” Nice.
    Jenny, tooth pain is probably a level in Hell. I’m so sorry and praying you can avoid the dreaded root canal.

    Serenity NOW!

  7. The wicked restlessness is creeping up on me as it is wont to do in the fall and I’m eating and drinking too much wine to keep it at bay. Is the BW responsible for the restless feeling? Hell, who knows? But I’ve been swimming, my gym membership is up for renewal and I’m going to do it since they just built a new facility two miles from my house.

    BW is whispering mean things in my ear about releasing the upcoming novels–you’re going to fail, you won’t sell any books, you’re a bad writer…I tell him to shut the fuck up, but when I’m sitting here eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, I’m inclined to believe him. What does one have to do with the other? This is truly stupid!

    Ok, just dumped the ice cream down the drain, rinsed the carton and tossed it away. No more in the house, so today begins low carbs and high protein and fiber. Oh, and there’s no open wine in the house either. I’m done…

  8. I had a root canal 6 1/2 weeks ago and the damned thing *still* hurts. But not nearly as much as the agony I had for the couple of months ahead of time. I feel your pain–hope it gets better fast.

  9. I’m wrestling with an extra 8 lbs–not much considering, but still enough that 90% of my (loose-fitting) wardrobe doesn’t fit well or at all any more. And usually I can lose weight in the summer, but between tooth issues and health issues that make exercising tough, well…

    I’m trying to get tough with all of it. And not let my agent’s edit notes on my current ms (which I need to revise before sending it to my editor at Berkley) make me decide never to write anything again. She really loved it…you know, other than those big problems with the plot, the romance, the main characters, and the fact that there is both too much paranormal and not enough paranormal. Sigh. She liked the funky bus the protagonist lives in. And the dog. That’s something, right? I CAN do this. I’m a damned professional. But did someone say something about wine?

  10. Debby says:

    I like the term craptastic. I’m going to use that. My week has been a combination of craptastic and good-tastic.

    My stupid arthritis is flairing for the first time in a year. In fact, my doctor is putting me on a prednisone “burst-taper” for nine days as of today.

    (Bad wolf whispered “You always gain weight on prednisone, so why even diet for the next couple of weeks? You won’t stick to it anyway.” Good wolf responded “Read the responses to the Good Wolf Lunch again. Others are struggling too, and not giving up. You are strong and stubborn, you can do this.”)

    The good-tastic? The blackberries are ripe in the woods. I plan to spend a lot of my weekend picking, juicing, and freezing. (Bad wolf says “you don’t want to do that. You hurt. Just skip the berry woods and sit and feel sorry for yourself.” Good wolf responds “You love being in the woods – it’s good therapy. And think of the wonderful jellies and pies that you will enjoy from these berries this winter!”)

    Good wolf wins again!

  11. Susanne says:

    Hang in there 🙂

    This story reminds me of the one Lisa Gardner tells about all the revisions she went through when she went to single title.

  12. Susanne says:

    At the risk of being thrown out on my ear, there’s a very good smoothie made with lots of greens, apple, pear etc.

    Hope this link works. Quick disclaimer, I don’t know Kim Snyder, the recipe was in Chatelaine magazine I think, or Canadian Living. It’s really, really good (my husband even likes it, well, without the celery). I freeze portions and thaw them during the night. For those who can take the greens (vit K), it’s worth a try.

  13. I never make my smoothies with fruit juice. I always just use water. Apples and berries and pineapple usually add enough sweetness all on their own. Carrots are another good source of sweet. Hmmm, let me see if I can find a “healthy” smoothie that doesn’t involve kale. Oh, and I love celery because of the natural sodium. I get sick of the sweet very quickly.

    This is my go to smoothie in the morning when I am doing smoothies.

    8 oz water, one apple cut in fourths seeds removed, 1 cup frozen blueberries, protein powder of choice. I will add a handful of spinach to this because I like greens. Additionally, you can add other spices. I sometimes add some hot pepper flakes because I like the kick. I have a friend who adds 2 Tbsp of Apple Cider Vinegar (yuck and to each his/her own0. Another friend adds half a frozen banana for a smoother consistency.

  14. My hormones — at least I think it’s hormones — went back out of whack this summer and that makes for misery. And because when my hormones got really screwed up a dozen years ago I went through hell for several years, the fact that I start to panic over a return visit doesn’t help any. But I have JUST started taking some estrogen again and I have my fingers crossed and big time hoping that I’ll feel better soon.

    And along with that, yeah, lose twenty-five pounds, eat better (and I eat pretty well already), exercise more.

    My bad wolf panics and, it must be said, is a hypochondriac (“Oh, nos, you’re going to die a miserable death!!!”). My good wolf, in full warrior woman gear, battling off depression and anxiety and general idiocy, throws up her hands and says, “For Christ’s sake, would everyone just CALM DOWN!”

    I say, “You get my hormones balanced and I’ll be calm. Until then, don’t you dare nag! And nobody better utter the words “Intelligent Design” in my presence because, really? Really?”

  15. With those covers, I have no doubt readers will pick up your books. And then when they read what’s inside, they’ll be back for more.

    As Lani would point out, you’re a great writer. 🙂

  16. julianna says:

    My little boy started kindergarten this week. Full day — with the bus ride, he’s gone for almost 8 hours. I miss him so much! I’ve been so focused on whether he was ready for kindergarten and whether he’d have trouble adjusting, it didn’t occur to me that life would be changing for me, too. I miss making lunch with him, playing with him, reading with him, art projects, etc., etc. For the last five years, I’ve known exactly what he did all day, every day, and suddenly that’s all gone. Forever, because obviously the older he gets, the more he’ll build his own life completely separate from me.

    And I realize that’s all good, and I’m thrilled that he’s happy and adjusting well (though very tired). I just didn’t really think about it ahead of time, so it’s been a bit of a shock. Plus, I’m sick, so instead of keeping busy with a million different projects, I’ve been lying on the couch missing him and counting down the hours till the bus comes. The bad wolf is having quite the buffet over here.

  17. julianna says:

    Sorry to hear about your tooth pain. Can your dentist prescribe something good so you can avoid even the dull constant ache?

    I’m hoping you’re also planning some healthy snacks between the smoothies and the cooked dinners. Because that is a long time between meals, and your blood sugar will get too low. Much better to have a few carbs (preferably with some protein) every few hours to keep it steady. (I’m guessing you already know that, but I thought I’d mention it just in case.)

  18. Redwood Kim says:

    My Good Wolf has been yodeling this week. Here’s why:

    -I had a horrific fight with my brother this summer. It’s been a while in coming, but it was ridiculous in origin and horrific in the things that were said, and I have been in full blown retreat, even after his apology. The thing is, my kids got after me to make up with him. So I reached out to him, by phone and then an email whoch laid out my position pretty clearly (You hurt me; here are my new boundaries;let’s see if we can play nicely.) I am pretty proud of the way I’ve handled this. I wasn’t perfect – who is, in the middle of a knockdown drag out?-but I’ve stood my ground and been as adult as I could.

    -Since the beginning of June, I have lost 21#, and 3% of my body fat. Barbara turned me on to Go Kaleo, and I’ve been lifting weights and building muscle and eating without bingeing or being overly restrictive. I feel heathier than I have in years – I made cookies without going nutso on the batter or the cookies! I hauled furniture around the house! I am strong and capable.

    My Bad Wolf can suck it.

  19. Kieran says:

    Good luck, Krissie! My husband and I are starting to say that if we want to be around to be grandparents someday, we have to get in better shape. I honestly in my head keep thinking, “This is temporary, this aging thing. I’ll go back to 25 shortly.” But there are no do-overs. Duh! What is it with this mentality I have? Is it human nature to think we will have another chance, always?

    My biggest food change over the past year is twofold: 1) actually listening to my body as I eat and recognizing when I’m not hungry anymore and *stopping.* I did this last night at a fabulous restaurant, where the food was so good, I just wanted to keep eating even after I was full. Out came the to-go box for the rest, and 2) having any damned thing I want, but I throw it away or give it away after I eat 1/3 to 1/2 of it. Like the other day, I HAD to try the new Chick-Fil-A mocha cookie milkshake. It was sublime. But then I threw it away after I ate half. I literally ran to a trash can in a shopping center and threw it in before I could change my mind, LOL!!!

  20. Liz H. says:

    Krissie, my aunt had the same thing- extremely early stage ovarian cancer- which was only diagnosed because she insisted on having an ultrasound exam, rather than just palpation. I’ve always insisted on the same since then. The machine is almost always sitting in the office, is far more accurate, and since they already have it the only added costs are the electricity and gel. I have no idea why it’s not the standard exam.

    And another smoothie recipe for the mix-
    I go with non-fat vanilla or plain yogurt, banannas, peaches (fresh if possible, or canned but in juice not syrup), and strawberries and blueberries. Alter proportions as preferred. No fruit juice, water, ice, or sugar necessary.

  21. Angie, a runner friend of my kids’, wrote,”I think I’ve run myself into peacefulness.” Now, I’m never going to run, but when I walked every day and lost weight to the point that my knees spoke quietly as opposed to screaming, I did know a lot of peacefulness that seems to be gone now. I think Angie is my GW.

  22. Poor you! If you can stand it, rinsing with salt water a few times a day will also help with the inflammation. It won’t cure the problem, but it will help keep all the other nasties in your mouth under control.

    Crossing my fingers you don’t need a root canal – I’ve had several and each one was unpleasant.

  23. I’ve been offered a promotion at work – just for a few months, as we get through a transition period. I successfully did the job, along with my own, for over a month this summer. Both my managers have confidence in me, but I am suddenly quite nervous – bad wolf is hinting that the summer was a fluke and I won’t be able to cope with the on-going pressure. GW is calmly trying to remind me that I can do it – exercise and a creative project or two will help keep me centred. BW is a noisy bugger though.

  24. It seems I’ve been on the see-saw of life with GW being up, then down, then up, then down. August was extremely difficult, September is still nutsy. I’m trying to go with the flow and keep chanting “this too shall pass.”
    Meanwhile I scraped together enough pennies to go home to Australia for Granny Grant’s birthday bash. She’ll be ninety. Yay! So I have that to look forward to and to get in shape for. Ulp!

  25. I am on vacation and doing nothing but reading and shooting photos but my Good Wolf and I are in quiet talks about how to get serious about actually dropping pounds when we get home. I am ready to commit. It will be mostly exercise, but modifications in eating, too.

    My knees are begging. GW says in a firm, kind voice: we can do this.

  26. Thanks, Terri and Liz! I’m letting my fear overtake my excitement and I’m going to stop that right now! I loved writing these books and Lani’s covers and the hard work she put in on them made them wonderful! I am a great writer…I am a great writer… 😉

  27. Snort. My doctor this year told me, “You’re fat. I can see by the look on your face that you aren’t going to do much about that. Can we agree that you will just work on not gaining weight?”

    I love my doctor. I know other people wouldn’t, but she makes me laugh every time she has her Dragon Doctor moments. I am that blunt. I hate having to work at being “nice” and I love dealing with people that I don’t need to worry about it with. She’s one of those people.

    I also love it when I tell people that “I’m fat,” and they all go into the immediate, “Oh no, you’re not fat.” I reply, “Yes, I am. My doctor told me I am.”

    I am fat. I am clearly not a healthy weight. I am working on it. I am okay with calling me fat. I wouldn’t use that word for other people because it isn’t my place.

    On the other hand, Jen, your doctor seems passive aggressive. Doesn’t need to be an a$$hat writing all over the chart. One simple, “patient is overweight” should be enough.

  28. Snort, Intelligent Design, oh my gosh, the very words make me howl with laughter. When people say that to me, I usually respond with words like cockroach, platypus and scorpion.

    Intelligent Design — too, too funny.

  29. Okay that one sounds delicious and really close to my go to breakfast of the moment. Plain non-fat greek yogurt, a stone fruit cut up, blueberries and 1/2 cup of granola all mixed up.

    What I really need is a good recipe for home made granola. Hmm. I think I’ll look that up.

  30. Redwood Kim says:

    Thanks, everyone! I’ve been saying for a while that this group has been instruental in helping me figure stuff out over the past year and half, and it’s absolutely true. Kaleo is absolutely changing my relationship with food and exercise, and all the talk about boundaries has been empowering.

    My brother sent a note back that “this is one too many” which got a “WTF does that even mean?” and then a “whatever” reaction from me. I’m just over him, which is hard to say about a family member. But there’s no dialoguing with him, and the Good Wolf says, Make your choice, buddy, I’m just sitting here feeling awesome!”

  31. Kelly S says:

    You very wise to not dwell on the crap. It is something I’ve relaxed but am struggling with implementing. Trying to find & focus on the positive.

  32. Kelly S says:

    Today was a craptastic day and not. I think my hormones are acting up as I have been hearing nothing but the bad wolf all day. “You’re never going to finish this. You’re so slow. Why do you even bother to exercise. You’ll never be thin or beautiful. You’re always going to be fat. You can’t do anything right. You’ve wasted your whole vacation. You don’t deserve to relax. You still have o much to do. Grow up and take responsibility. You suck.” And on and on and at times it lashed out at other things too – stupid iPad, website, application, lying exercise instructor (this was true since I really don’t feel great after a workout & have no idea what these reportedly lovely endorphins feel like). Doing better now, mostly because I think the wolf is napping, but here’s hoping a good night sleep will put things in a better light.

  33. Kelly S says:

    Oh, the not part of why my day wasn’t craptastic is that most of what BW said is a lie. I was productive today. Sure things took longer to do than I wanted but there is not a deadline for getting the work done. I did exercise and I’m getting fitter as I can go further before needing a shorter break. I went to church & then out to dinner with the hubby who was kind & supportive during my meltdown. I got the checkbook balanced, the kitchen cleaned and 6 loads of laundry done. I didn’t have a lot of fun, but I got a I done.

  34. I used to make smoothies with tofu and different fruits and add a little vanilla extract. I think I have to give up Diet Coke completely again. Sigh. If I don’t drink it at all, I don’t crave it and weight seems to just fall off.

  35. Micki says:

    I’d be inclined to send back a note saying, “OK. I can certainly live with that.” Sometimes estrangement is really the best of the options available, especially if the other party has no interest in changing. You tried, which was a really good thing.

  36. Micki says:

    I’ve been getting more and more homesick this summer. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been here 20 years — every couple of years it just sneaks up on me, and I yearn. I gotta plan for a trip home sometime soon . . . . Hope yours is fantastic!

  37. Micki says:

    My motivation problem has gotten worse and worse since spring, so I’ve been exploring self-hypnosis through YouTube. LOL, very nervous — I’m always afraid some joker is going to post a self-hypnosis tape that ends, “And you will cluck like a chicken whenever you hear the word ‘animation.'” Or some such.

    So, in the middle of this rainy, rainy week, I recorded the little birdies and the rain dripping off the roof. I’m going to pull out Audacity and make my own self-hypnosis tapes, and tailor it to my needs. The YouTube has been helpful, because I’ve actually taken steps to doing these things instead of just dream-planning.

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