Krissie: Go Vote

This is me with a zen-like calm on my face. I’m happy to be here.
Yesterday Crusie and I did our swan song at Steak n Shake, Hobby Lobby and Jungle Jim’s (Christmas presents). We tried to mail off her incredible collages via UPS but the sneaky bastards had moved. Ate leftover Chinese food, went through most of the clothes while Jenny worked on her office.
Uh, there’s one problem for the Magpie.
Here are the things I’m taking back:

Which means I’ve got to throw this much out of the house. Aiyee!!! But new clothes. I kept picking things up and thinking: they’ll never fit. And they did.
So I guess it’s time to start getting rid of all the 1x as well as the 2x since these are all XL. The one thing I won’t wear is Liz Lange. She’s a great designer at Target and Jenny bought a few cool things, but they’re maternity.
I remember when I had my hysterectomy and my belly was all swollen the support group said to buy maternity clothes.
No. No. Just … no.
I could never get pregnant, and in case you haven’t figured it out, I’m an earth mother. I wanted to be a mother so badly, since I was eleven years old. I loved babysitting, love children. And because of the DES my mother took there were no pregnancies. So no way in hell will I put on a maternity dress.
Funny how so much later certain things still stab at your heart when you think you’ve made perfect peace with them.
I’m going to try to face writing today. It’s been a huge wall, and I’ve refused to even talk about it, but it’s time.
Maybe today won’t work, given the stress of the day. But it’s time to move my head back into the world. Gently, carefully.
No force. Just a visit, to see if I like it there.
The rest of me is feeling better. Now I just have to face the elephant in the room.

24 thoughts on “Krissie: Go Vote

  1. You can do it, Krissie! Look at how much you’ve done! It’s no wonder you’ve had trouble writing. But you are with your sisters now, so the sisterly-writerly love should just be surrounding you and lifting you up so you can write. Can’t you feel it? 🙂

    And hey! New clothes!

  2. Thought you might like to know that “Ritual Sins” is Wonk-of-the-Week on It’s a fun site that likes, well, “wonky” romances, by which they mean messed up characters and real human frailties. Their manifesto spells it out. Anyway, congratulations!

  3. Redwood Kim says:

    Infertility stuff never goes away, does it? I still feel it, and I’m one of the lucky ones. You’ve plenty of stuff there, Krissie, leave the painful ones behind…

  4. That’s…uhm…a lot of stuff. How are you going to get all that home?? But very cool on the smaller sizes. Hope the writing welcomes you back with open arms. Or pages. Whatever.

  5. You can mail clothes via UPS really cheaply. I had a friend moving who knew it was going to be a couple of weeks before the moving company got their stuff to the new house. Mailed big boxes of clothes for her. UPS mails by weight, so you can do big boxes that don’t weight much when they have clothes in them.

  6. I’m a DES daughter too. Had my first operation at 16, and who knows how many after that. But you know what? We didn’t die of cervical cancer. A lot of DES daughters did. You’re absolutely a mom, and always will be.

  7. oneoftheotherjennifers says:

    Heading out now to drive people to the polls, then to stock up on toaster oven types of snackies for tonight.

    I feel like I’m sitting in the bleachers watching Armageddon play out.

  8. Yay fabric. It sits there forever before we turn it into anything but it is our Dragon’s horde. (Response to last plost)

    Love the new perspective you’re gaining – you’re smaller than you thought! Yippee!

    Get pics of the new house as it’s empty, or partially empty. Before Jenny is Jenny in it 😉

  9. Egads says:

    Yay for smaller sizes! Can I admit I’m getting anxious wondering where you’ll put all that stuff? But, truly, yay for smaller sizes.

    Wishing you all luck in the big move.

  10. Cindy says:

    Yay for all the clothes and the smaller sizes! All your old stuff can go to Goodwill. That’s always a plus.

    I voted by mail a week or two ago. I’m anxiously awaiting the outcome of the election. Today is our 19th wedding anniversary, and I’m way more excited to see the outcome of the election. That’s just sad. 😉

  11. Theresa says:

    Um. Just because it fits, and just because you like it doesn’t mean you actually have to take it home. Maybe go back through and pick out only the things you LOVE. Afterall, how many different things do you need to wear? Will they all end up in baskets waiting to be washed or put away and stress you out?

  12. Yay for recycling happy clothes!

    The sight of a newborn baby makes me smile and want to howl in pain at the same time. That will probably never change, but I still adore snuggling them and being Auntie Mame.

    Hugs and snuggles and courage and laughter to you babe.

  13. Lynda says:

    Congratulations on the smaller sizes!! I agree with everyone who suggests UPS for shipping new clothes home, and I also agree that you should only take what you love. You deserve no less.

  14. Lois says:

    I am a DES daughter too. Funny, I was just talking to a friend about it and then came on here. I am one of the lucky ones – I was able to get pregnant and maintain them. And no cancer. My mom always said it was because she was so sick when she was pregnant with me – she wasn’t on it very long.

    Fabric, new clothes AND best friends = heaven. Enjoy!! I hope you are feeling well enough to have fun.

  15. You look so much BETTER! It’s amazing how healing it is when Goddesses get together. I’m sure you’ll figure out a way to get all that home and it will be great motivation to get rid of all the clothes that are too big. Win, win.

  16. Barbara Cameron says:

    I’m a DES daughter as well. What a shame there are so many of us. I had endometriosis as well but managed to get pregnant twice. Once that was done I ended up having to have a hysterectomy at 27. But since two was enough, I was grateful and tried not to be unhappy at going through an early stop to having children. Sigh.

  17. You need to charter your own plane to get those bags home.

    Just putting on something, smaller would be a buzz.

    Great to hear you’re feeling so much better. 🙂

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