Krissie: Day Two

The countdown continues. (I have no idea why the photo is misty but it looks kinda nice so I’m okay with it). I gotta say, I don’t find my daily posts to be the slightest bit of a burden. I hate blogging — it always felt so artificial and self-serving. I loved being here. I could just be completely honest — I only held back a very few times, and that was mainly when other people were involved or I was just tired of myself.
But it’s kind of like ending a television show in its prime, or not doing a sequel to a book that said it all perfectly. Better to end while things are still strong and involved.
So, on our tree today, we need to put up one thing we discovered we can do without. Like a tv show or a food or a behavior.
I learned I can live without day-long infusions of Diet Coke and Tab. Never would have thought it. And I can do without fast food. Been slipping a little recently, but come January 1 I’m back on the wagon, and I’m avoiding fried foods there when I do succumb (and that’s usually because I’m rushing).
BTW, we need a bit of coal underneath the tree to make sure it burns properly. Failures, things we want to get rid of, any bits of shame or disappointment in ourselves. We can toss them there at random, toss ’em and let go of ’em. Worries, frustrations, annoyances — each make a nice lump of coal which will help with the final conflagration.

I’m tossing my involvement in my children’s lives. They’re both doing well, but it’s time for me to let go, not to try to influence them. They’re adults now (even if they need financial help), and unless it has an impact on me I need to let go and let them live their lives instead of interfering and getting emotionally worked up.
That probably equals two bigs lumps of coal there at the base of our magnificent tree.

So go ahead, toss your lumps of coal whenever you want, and list some bad habit, no matter how small, that you’ve gotten rid of. We need to light up this tree with our triumphs.

29 thoughts on “Krissie: Day Two

  1. This past year, I’m learning that I don’t need food to cope with stress, upsetting matters, or, actually, anything. I’ve given up numbing emotions by overeating.

    I have to think more about what I need to get rid of. In terms of actual things, I really need to finally declutter that third room in my house. It’s awful.

    Emotionally, I need to give up some upset over snarls/snags in a relationship. Not a lover relationship but one with a co-worker. I’ve done all that I can to improve matters and continue to do my part. That’s the part I’ve already changed. I need to accept that I can’t change the way that he acts or reacts. It’s up to him. Now I need to work on changing the way that I let his actions impact me. Good goals!

  2. oneoftheotherjennifers says:

    I learned, after spending the first four months of the year couch-bound, that I do not need to rush around like a maniac all the time. If there are no Girl Scout activities, the girls find other things to do. When one of my older relatives calls me and demands a cheesecake RIGHT NOW, they will live without cheesecake. If I don’t run the concession stand for the theater group, someone else will step up, however reluctantly. And on, and on, and on. That’s not to say I shouldn’t do these things, but the world won’t come to an end if I don’t, so I should just chill out.

  3. Kieran says:

    My coal/goal is to stop ignoring my health–e.g. I was told I was Vitamin D deficient two months ago but not very much. So the doctor told me to take 2000 units of Vitamin D a day to catch up. It’s easy enough to buy at the drugstore, and I haven’t done it. Eight weeks have gone by! I don’t know what this means. I’d rather analyze it than DO what I need to do.

    I analyze too much. I will stop. I keep letting my brain run the show, and there is more to me than analytical thinking. And so many times my ceaselessly running monkey mind is wrong anyway!!!

    • Kieran says:

      Oh, and I had this crazy thought about your misty picture–maybe ReFab is like Brigadoon, getting swallowed back up in the mist, LOL!!! In other words, it was special while it was here. :>)

  4. Phyllis says:

    I’ve learned that I can lose weight. I’m finally back at pre-pregnancy weight (my oldest is almost 13, my baby is almost 5). I have to track what I eat and I hate to exercise just as much now as before, but I feel healthier.

    I ate too many Christmas cookies yesterday and instead of feeling guilty, I just sighed and swore I’d do better after Christmas. They also gave me a stomach ache, which I try to remember. But it was PMS and stress and everything else, so I forgive myself.

    For the next year, I have to learn how to deal with my middle child’s rages and pouts. I get a little panicky just thinking about it.

  5. Carol says:

    Like Robena, I don’t need all the stuff in the cupboards and closets. Gave away bags of clothes and shoes. Now onto the kitchen and the linen closet again.

    The goal is to be ruthless with the stuff, including books and jewellery and fabric and patterns and dishes and just everything. Coal: I’m allergic to white gold now, even my wedding rings are causing a chemical reaction. WTF! I’ve been ring-less for over 2 months and I love my wedding rings.

    Goal: changing my “I might need/wear it some day” attitude to “I don’t need it.” Sorting through Mom’s belongings has had many ha-ha moments to de-clutter before I pass. My sons will thank me.

  6. I’ve learned that I can do without eating sweets every day or in large quantities, and that I can actually keep myself from gorging on cookies that happen to still be in the house.

    I’ve learned that I can let go of laziness and get up and exercise or clean things up and that the world won’t end and I will still be able to relax with the computer or a book.

    I’m still sorting through things and getting rid of things I don’t need/won’t use. I’m learning what it takes to make me content.

  7. I dig the misty too 😉

    I’ve learned that I’m more tranquil if I can’t hear quite so much, and that when my stomach starts churning it’s most likely anxiety, not a need for food. I’ve let go of what I used to be able to do, mostly – still finding new old things to let go of, but I’ve let go of a great deal and I haven’t evaporated or blown off a cliff.

  8. Catherine says:

    I’ve found that I’m happier not sitting in a cafe drinking coffee in the sun. This has been a huge shift in my behavior. Sometime this year for a variety of reasons I got sick of chatting, idly talking about things. I do now, rather then discuss, or provide an audience. That time of sitting and soaking up the rays, reflecting on whatever has served it’s purpose. I’m so restless to just get things done I can’t just sit without getting twitchy. I’m really looking forward to my trip. Now I’d rather walk, so I can have more energy to have more fun for longer, it’s helping me get healthier, and I’m saving more money.

  9. Reb says:

    Hmmm. I need to think about letting go of stuff next year. There hasn’t been a lot this year.

    Wait, I just thought of one big thing: DH’s job has disappeared and I haven’t been hassling him about job hunting. Pressure from me just stresses him out and leaves us both angry. I keep reminding myself I can’t fix his life, he has to that.

  10. This year I’ve learned more about patience.
    I need urge DH to let go of the much crap he saves, his catch cry, I might need that one day. Mine is, No, you’ll have forgotten you have it and by another one. 🙂 Having said all that, this morning I asked him did he have a couple of shallow boxes for the pavlovas I’m going to make. He just came in with two perfect for what I need. 🙂

    A Very Merry Christmas to all and a Safe, Happy New Year.

  11. I need to give up needing to talk a lot. I am a loquacious person, short of garrulous and as much as I love silence, I need to hold my tongue and stop talking trivia or various newspaper/blog delivered facts.

    Most people don’t wanna know. And I need to learn to let them be. They want to exist in ignorance, that’s their choice. I don’t have to try to educate everybody.

    • AuntieJB says:

      My boss said to me the other day “It doesn’t have to be perfect, it has to be good enough.” She knows me so well. But the idea of “good enough” still gives me a bit of the willies.

  12. Cathy M says:

    I need to stop rambling on with people waiting on me in stores and at the grocery. It’s not a social event and I don’t need to entertain or detain them. I’m turning into my father. Egads.

    • My grandfather’s funeral was surprisingly crowded, considering that he was in his mid-80s when he died, and there were a lot of people that none of the family recognized. I can’t say who all of them were — I have no idea and some of them didn’t say anything. But some of them were store clerks and waitresses and people that he encountered in his day-to-day life, who came up to us and said, “your dad always made me smile,” and “he always had a joke to tell,” and “he was such a sweet man” and so on. I think I got to hear his favorite restaurant joke (Do you serve honeymoon salad here? What’s that? Oh, you know. etc. Finally, “let-us alone”?) three times that day from strangers (to us) who’d taken the time to come say goodbye to him. Obviously, annoying people is not good, but sometimes when you make the effort to entertain strangers, you’re giving them a nice little break in a grueling day. Think twice before giving that away. I’ll never turn into my grandfather — way too introverted for that! — but I wouldn’t mind if I did.

  13. Barbara Cameron says:

    I’ve tossed more things I don’t need/given them away than ever before. I have ben working hard not to hold onto things like I used to do. I feel lighter already.

  14. Eileen A-W says:

    I want to toss away my need to hold on to things. I guess I will never change my hubby from doing everything for all of us, so I need to let it go. I need to stop making excuses for not exercising and get back to it. My heart needs it as much as I need to lose the weight.

  15. Beth E says:

    This year I learned I can live without needing to be perfect. It’s taken me a long time, but I’m happier and less stressed now – definitely a good thing.

  16. This is a small thing, but I told my older boys I want to stop cursing. They thought that was impossible. So I said, “How about I just stop saying the eff word?”

    “Well, that’s stupid. It’s such an expressive word.”

    “Okay, how about I just stop cursing in front of you?”

    “Yeah, that’s not going to happen.”

    “Sheesh,” I said, “you guys have no fucking faith in me!”

    I was joking, and they laughed, but I’m going to try and be more mindful of my words anyway because I think they color my thinking.

    Can I just add that I’ll miss this blog? I know things have gotten heavy for all of you this year, but I identified with your struggles. And after my mom died the day after this Thanksgiving, I thought of you, Krissie, more than ever. While we were caring for her (she lived with us) I had no time for reading or writing blogs, so I learned I can live without them. But it’s nicer when I don’t have to.

    Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and all the best to you fabulous women I’ve come to know!

    • Micki says:

      (-: If I don’t police myself, it’s really easy to curse up a storm . . . I can justify it by saying, “aw, I’m the only speaking English here, anyway.” However, curse words are the most interesting words in any language, and the people around me are intensely interested in them. My current f-bomb is “fudge” which is intensely satisfying, and also has made it so I don’t crave fudge.

      Curse words do add an expressiveness to one’s language . . . it’s just if you drop f’s and s’s everyday, it’s not as spectacular as when you drop an “oh, fucking hell” once a month. Or once a year.

      (-: I have to say, Unfuck My Habitat is especially satisfying as a self-help tool because of the profanity. At least for me.

  17. I let go of the diet coke habit as well. It was pretty short lived for me four or five years? I know folks who’ve been hooked much longer.

    I’ve been thinking a lot about living in smaller spaces, but that only works if it’s just me. I can’t deal with being packed in like a sardine with my family. Plus I’d have to get rid of a bunch of junk. My laziness takes over, it’s easier to ignore the junk that sort through it.

  18. AuntieJB says:

    I’ve gotten rid of so many small things this year. A messy apartment (hired by BFF to be my cleaning lady), my psychological dependence on potato chips/junk food (I bought some on Friday, ate two bowls over the weekend, and will toss them out tonight – they made me feel heavy and weighed down), eating out (I spend my free time on weekends cooking and freezing tons of food for those days when I come home from work and don’t want to cook) and ignoring my finances (I now write down every penny I spend in my checkbook register.)

    All of these things were made possible when I finally made it out of a very long couple of years (OK, it was ten, but still) of depression. I know, that’s a big thing. Now that I’m in the light I’m able to see which behaviors grew out of depression and which were me ignoring the obvious.

    Next year I need to finally shed my “life timeline” – a list of things I “must do before I die” (in order to be living a “real” life): get married, buy a house, have kids… so far none of these things have come to fruition. This year I’ve come to the decision that I will not have my own kids (for health reasons)and since I’m single I won’t adopt. Next year I need to the shake off the whole damn timeline and live my life as it is today. So I’m not married…oh well, I have wonderful friends and family surrounding me. I don’t need to buy a house. It’s cheaper to rent, I like my apartment, and I don’t have to deal with ice and snow. I can rent a garden plot in the community garden and play in the dirt there.

    Hmm… that’s quite a list.

    • AuntieJB says:

      My mom does that with her chocolate too… She thinks it will prevent her from eating it. But she actually prefers frozen Snickers to room temp Snickers!

  19. Micki says:

    I haven’t completely left this bad habit on the tree, but I’m doing better with procrastination this year.

    There’s so much that I need to leave behind as coal for the next year, I hardly know where to stop. Some of it is quite tricky . . . for example, when I binge in the afternoons, I NEED that food. Or at least some food. I’ve been trying to short-circuit that by eating a better lunch, and having a healthy snack on hand at 4 p.m. Still tinkering with that one; it doesn’ t feel like a habit I can just abandon because there’s a strong reason why I do it. But it is something I can tweak.

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