Krissie: Catch up

The earth moved. Actually, the scale moved. I was playing with the thought that maybe I wouldn’t think about losing weight, just keep on with the very healthy, controlled way I was eating, but I got on the scale yesterday and I was 233.5 (which I’d dipped down to before, I think, but was stuck firmly around 235).
Got on the scale this morning to see which way it was moving and it was 232.5. It’s finally moving.
Yesterday I did everything I wanted to do (or at least, everything I was working on). I ate mindfully. Didn’t do NettieD but kept her in mind. Even measured my whole wheat pasta last night (2 c., which may have been too much but I didn’t have lunch). Finally got back to swimming for an hour (and loved it — had to stop because things were starting to hurt but I could have gone on). Wrote 2k words. Good words — the new, speculative thing is just wonderful!
But I’ve added one more thing to my list of things. When I was young I lived for music (see Sunday’s post). I taught myself to play the guitar in my early teens, and when I would pray every night (god, I forgot that I did that!) I would ask that I could play the guitar well enough to work for me. Didn’t want to be a virtuoso, just wanted to play well enough. And I did. Got good enough, that is. I sang, I played the guitar, I even wrote songs (a couple of them fairly good). When I met Richie he and I would play and sing together, I would sing in bars, sing with bands. (I also had classical voice training for a couple of years as a teenager).
But music is a way to work out love issues — longings and broken hearts etc. And my heart wasn’t broken any more. Plus, music was a huge emotional, artistic outlet, and I was turning my life to writing. And I couldn’t do both. I had to give everything to one or the other, and writing won.
But I’ve lost my voice from not using it. And singing is wonderful for so many reasons — the breathing, and the emotional release. So I’ve decided (and I’ve tried to do this before and failed) that I would sing one song every day. My fingertips are too soft to handle any but the nylon string guitar, and even that hurts, but I’ll build the skin up. I got out the Joan Baez songbook, the Judy Collins songbook, and the Motown songbook to begin with (all 30-some years old). Song of the day: “Tracks of my Tears.” And then, when I watched “Dancing with the Stars” (yeah, I’m weak) it was Motown night and they opened with Smoky singing “Tracks.” I figure it’s a sign.
So we’re getting a song of the day. Haven’t done today’s yet, but I’m making a commitment to sing at least one song a day, and I’ll report in.
Today I’m doing research, not writing, and heading to Jo-Ann’s, then picking up Alex, so a fun day. And I’m finally losing weight! Nothing but good times ahead.

As for the kid front: Thank you guys, so much, for your support. I was so shocked by what the DIL told me that I didn’t stop to think. For one thing, I doubt he said it more than once. For another, he may not have said it directly to him. No, I’m not in denial. When the DIL gets mad she says stuff that will get me going and then turns out not to be quite the case. I have to figure out what to say and how to say it — some things I should just keep out of, but not when my grandson (or any child) is being hurt, be it words or actions. One thing that Richie pointed out, though — he’s drinking huge amounts of caffeine. Red Bull and coffee. Too much caffeine can make you a foul-tempered asshole. Gotta figure out what to say, though.
(Update — DIL said don’t say anything at this point — she gave him an ultimatum and his friend talked to him about it).
So … we move on. I am going to get the I WAS SO MAD book to help Alex understand. And love him. If they break up I’m taking him and the DIL to Disney World on my own (I’m planning and saving for a trip to celebrate turning 65 with all of them and my daughter).
Anyway, enough of that.
I’m hitting on all cylinders today.
1. I’m letting go of worrying about my son and his family
2. I’m doing writing stuff (research)
3. I’m going to play a song
4. I’m watching what I eat
5. I’m even doing some sewing stuff (the trip to Joanns for interfacing)

Cool. I’m proud of myself. Onward!

40 thoughts on “Krissie: Catch up

  1. What a fabulous idea to resume your singing and guitar playing. That will bring you a ton of pleasure. When my kids were learning piano I bought one, a Yamaha baby grand, black lacquer finish. Adored it.

    I was in my forties and decided to learn to play. It was so fun until things got kind of complicated–my brain doesn’t do complicated well–but even playing those baby tunes was a satisfaction for me. I ended up selling the piano when I moved to a smaller house. I miss it, and so does my daughter. She’d always sit down to play immediately she arrived. Son got stuck on a Beatles tune: we’d hear “Imagine there’s no heaven, even if…” and we’d start to laugh. He never wanted to play anything else.

  2. JulieB says:

    I’m really glad to see this post. I was too upset to comment the other day. Thank you for the perspective; I was thinking about you.

    On to today: Yay! What a wonderful idea. When things were better at our local church, we had a wonderful musical director, and I felt so much healthier as I learned the songs and tried to keep up with a community who appreciates art and loves to sing.

    Sadly, many things have changed there, and I can’t bring myself to join in. I’m not the only one. There’s very little joyous music when I do attend.

    But you’re right. There’s no reason we shouldn’t sing for ourselves!

  3. Congrats on the scale moving again! It’s good to hear things are working themselves out with your son and you sound like you have great perspective. A song a day — now that just sounds lovely.

  4. I think getting back to music is a wonderful idea. I feel happier and less stressed just listening to music so playing / singing would be better still.

    Great news on the scale moving again too 🙂

  5. Yay, Krissie. You sound terrific — full of life, hope, energy, and happiness. I salute you for engaging in activities that make you feel good and working on letting go of the things that don’t.


    I’ve split this comment into two sections because I’d like to ask for hope, prayers, positive energy and FGBVs from everyone. A cousin of mine was critically injured in a motorcycle accident over the weekend and is in a coma. Please think of her and send out good thoughts for her recovery.

    This news has hit me very hard emotionally. I’m having a difficult time focusing. I realized today that while I’m usually an expert “coper”, I always previously used vast amounts of food to help numb the feelings and keep them under control. I don’t have that now — couldn’t binge even if I wanted to, but I don’t want to. So, I’m pretty raw. Gotta tell you, it helped me a lot to talk about it on my blog. Keeps me from locking it inside and choking on it.

  6. JenniferNennifer says:

    You got it – buckets and tubs and oceans of positive energy to both you and your cousin.

    And well done on not going to food to cope, please feel very good about yourself for not even wanting to go there.

  7. Egads says:

    Singing every day sounds like a lovely idea. I’m happy for you that the scale finally cooperated a little bit. I think you are smart to get the book for Alex, and the trip to Disney World will be awesome. You’re looking good!

    Mary Stella, keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

  8. Disney sounds like a wonderful idea, Krissie. So does the singing. I was not blessed with what you would call musical talent, but that doesn’t stop me from belting out the words to “Keep on Rockin’ in the Free World” when it comes on the radio.

  9. Office Wench Cherry says:

    I love to sing and do it every chance I get – usually in the car on my two hours a day commute. I really notice a difference in my mood if I don’t have music in my day. Glad to hear that the scale – and the vocal cords – are moving.

  10. I can’t sing (neighbourhood cats scatter) and have always envied people who can. I used to keep a journal and write poetry. Both were rooted in deep unhappiness and depression and I gradually gave them both up as I began to feel better about myself.

    Blogging has become my singing – it is giving me an opportunity to explore words and ideas. It is also a way to process my feelings/anxieties about parenting my son. I am not sure I had lost my “voice”, as much as misplaced it. I am still working to find it again, but the process is as important as the product.

    I am also trying to do at least one craft project a week – not just to post on my blog but because, like writing, the act of creating something tangible enriches my spirit.

    Sing your heart out and enjoy!

  11. Tons of FGBVs to your cousin for healing and to you for getting through this without numbing yourself. Good for you for your control and your commitment.

  12. So happy you’re happy! Good luck and keep up the good work. (I’d never have been able to keep my mouth shut re your son.) Good idea about the book for Alex.

  13. German Chocolate Betty says:

    Good for you, Krissie! My husband also plays his guitar and sings when he needs to get rid of stress and needs some good vibes. Also oldies but goodies.

    In the time between the death of my first husband and meeting my second one (five years) I played the piano pretty religiously 1-2 a day. Since my second marriage, I play only occasionally and then only “easy” stuff. Gotta get back to regular practicing.

    (I did start knitting again, which I hadn’t done for ages, so that’s something!)

    BTW, you look maaaaahvelous, dahlink!

  14. Thank you all for your good thoughts, positive vibes and prayers. Hopefully they will help my cousin. I already know they’ve helped my spirit!

    This blog not only reinvents fabulous, it redefines it! You all are the fabulousest!

  15. Singing is one of my favorite things. I’ve always sung to the kids at bedtime, although now only the youngest is willing to have me. The others are too old, or too embarrassed. We have Glee Karaoke on the wii and I LOVE, love, love that game. I don’t care if I sound like a dying cow, it is so much fun to sing those songs.

    Glee Karaoke – Best Thing Ever.


  16. Cathy M says:

    I’m glad you’re getting a handle on the situation with Alex as I’m sure it broke your heart for so many reasons.

    I’m on the can’t carry a tune in a bucket side of the singing aisle, so I admire people with musical talent. And your song selections were straight out of my past. I love the artists you named and would also add Peter, Paul and Mary to the list of groups of that era with songs that are wonderful to sing.

    Congratulations on keeping your plan on track, despite the potholes along the way.

  17. Cathy M says:

    Mary Stella, I’m so sorry to hear about your cousin and hope that you’ll soon receive good news about her. Sending FGBVs her way.

  18. Loads and loads of healing energy to your cousin, Mary! Hang in there and keep praying. And please, keep us posted, okay?

  19. Krissie, I was comparing the photos of yesterday and today.
    And the change is wonderful to see. Stick to your 5 points and you’ll be fine 🙂

    Music has always been a major part of our families life. We didn’t have much when growing up. For a while 6 of us lived in one large room. No power no running water…to think of it now it seems quite extraordinary. But that’s how my migrant parents started out. My father would and brother, (the oldest) would sit and play the harmonica and guitar and us 3 girls would be lying in our bunk beds drifting off to sleep.
    We made our own entertainment. 🙂
    Hope you don’t mind if I ad this link to a Western Australian singer songwriter. It’s not a happy-happy song, but the music is great and so are the lyrics. The video is amazing. I like playing it and singing at the top of my lungs. Just in case your wondering, my only affinity to the lyrics are past injustices 😉

  20. Micki says:

    Fabulous, Krissie!

    I love singing, too, and for a couple of years, tried to prevent “teacher’s throat” (roached voicebox) by doing scales every morning. I found a pretty good set in a book about improv singing (2 minutes and 38 seconds (-:). I’d sing them two or three times, with different vowels, and different consonants — I was hoping to overcome my supposedly mild sleep apnea with it. Didn’t help with my fatigue, but it really did help my voice become stronger and better.

    I stopped this year, and actually my voice hurts less. But it’s not as strong and I’m more off-key now. I may go back to my scales since my work schedule has improved . . . .

  21. romney says:

    I can’t sing and its too loud and I still sing anyway! It can’t be any worse than a clarinet – cats really hate them.

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