Krissie: Bummer

I am truly bummed about Robin Williams. In fact, I’m grieving for him. He was fearless as an artist, and that fearlessness made him brilliant, even with missteps. If you don’t make missteps then you’re holding back, and I admire going for it more than anything else in the world, I think. That’s why I adore the movie “Tin Cup.” The ending to me is so triumphant and glorious — throwing everything away for the one perfect shot (and I don’t even play golf or like it much).
That’s the kind of artist Robin Williams was. And his death feels personal. Well, this is one of those weeks with one of those things I no longer mention because everyone says “why don’t you remember the good stuff?” and I can’t really explain that the good stuff hurts even more.
But I digress. I mourn today.

Oh, and remember I said yesterday that this time Erin and Tim were truly split. Uh, not so fast. I heard him on the phone when he got home and he ended it with “love you, bye.” And I asked him who he was talking to. Erin. She came over for dinner, Richie and I made ourselves scarce.

There’s a saying we learned in a parents’ support group back in the bad old days — don’t go on the roller coaster ride with them. I got Richie to take me out because I didn’t even want to stand by the ride and hear them scream. We went over to the lake (to the one house that remains in the family) and I sat out on the dock and wrote longhand and waited for the moon to rise while Richie went for a walk. I saw five loons glide in front of me and then dip into the water. Beautiful. Then we went and did grocery shopping at 9 rather than waste daytime doing it, and drove home looking at “bella luna” while I sang “Quando m’en va” (Musetta’s waltz from La Boheme – one of the themes from “Moonstruck”) and “That’s Amore.” Yes, I know some opera, and I sing it terribly, but I love it.

I got masses accomplished yesterday, mapping out the end of the book, and yes, I did swim in the lake and float in my pool. Tonight we’ll go see Guardians of the Galaxy, partly in honor of Robin Williams, who appreciated a laugh more than anything.

People don’t understand depression, don’t realize how awful it can be, how bleak. You get blinders on and can’t realize how loved you are. For today, for the week, for the rest of your life, I hope we all (me included) can try not to get annoyed with what we see as constant moping. Many times there’s no choice in the matter. Who would feel bad when feeling good is a real choice?

Enough of a sermon. Back to work. The cold weather is coming in, and I need to get to work (book due on Friday).

Go out and hug a depressed person, whether they like it or not. And if they can’t take a fuck, joke them.

15 thoughts on “Krissie: Bummer

  1. Deb says:

    I didn’t find out about Robin Williams until this morning…still can’t wrap my head around his passing. Such a talented man; he will be missed.

    Sounds like you made a good choice staying off of the roller coaster. In fact, removing yourself from the carnival was a great idea.

    Enjoy Guardians!

  2. I’ve surprised myself with how deeply I’m grieving for the loss of Robin Williams. In truth, it feels like I’ve lost a family member, a loved one, and yet I’d never met the man in person, never seen him on stage. There was something so familiar about him, like that funny brother or cousin who pops in and out of your adult life, always making you smile and leaving you somehow in a happier place.
    Such a talent. He will be missed. RIP Robin Williams.

  3. It was hard for me to watch him after i was diagnosed as hypomanic because he was so brilliant on stage, just racing across a tightrope, and I knew when he left the stage and the lights went out that the fall would be intense. I can’t imagine coping with that AND clinical depression in an environment where youth and box office means everything, and he didn’t have either.

  4. Sharon S. says:

    I agree with Robena. There are some people out there, that even though you’ve never met them, just feel like family. Robin was one for me. (& Jerry Lewis and Bob Hope) You don’t know them, but you feel that connection. Bring Him Home is perfect. Thank you, Krissie.

  5. Carol says:

    I did meet him, a couple of times (this is LA, it happens), and this has made me incredibly sad, like I’ve lost a friend. I so wish we were better at figuring out brain chemistry issues – I have the feeling that at some point in the future we’ll be looking at today’s practices like we look at medieval barbers today. Rest well, Robin, you’ve earned it.

  6. Kieran says:

    Oh, dear. Hearing that beautiful performance from Ramin made me cry for Robin and for all of us when we despair. Light and love to everyone who at this moment is in the depths of darkness and feeling alone.

    I took heart by reading Zelda’s tweets. His daughter. What a beautiful person she is. I love what she tweeted to her dad after his death, and I read earlier tweets and saw that his great love for people is in her, too.

    Somehow the word “tweet” is wrong. It’s careless. What she quoted and said afterward was luminous. Big and wonderful.

    https://twitter.com/zeldawilliams/status/499045688559165440

  7. I’m still heartbroken. We lose so many great ones before their time, but this one feels bigger. Heavier. And I don’t want to turn on the TV because they’re going to splash his life like it’s a ratings draw and I hate that.

    Krissie, it sounds like getting out turned into a wonderful night. And here’s hoping the youngsters do work things out. The ups and downs will always be there, but maybe hope is there as well.

  8. mitchiewitch says:

    He was an awe inspiring performer – riff upon riff upon riff – so quick, brilliantly funny & thought provoking. A very good actor as well – you always knew there was a steep price being paid. They were talking about him on NPR this morning and quoted his character from Good Will Hunting regarding how struggles are where the good things are found. True and terrible.
    I suffered from an “episode” of clinical depression in my twenties and have been thankful never to have done so again. I remember it as an endless gray fog that leached all color and energy from my life. In addition to the gratitude for no reoccurance, I believe it made me much more empathetic to struggles around me.

  9. I posted that he was the misfit that showed us how to fit. He did it by being true to himself and it brought success. He did not change himself to fit. He just carved his place.

    I’ve been grumpy on facebook, statuses along the lines of “y’all don’t show empathy.” “Snap out of it” or “if you didn’t have what you’re angry/sad about you’d miss it terribly.” Empathy is, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” “That must be awful” “Is there something that I can do to help, but only if you want me to help?”

  10. Carol says:

    I was saddened to hear the news of Robin Williams passing. Brilliant artist. And, today, Lauren Bacall. I love the old movies and watching the black and white images of Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart brought such happiness.

    Two great artists in two days. Sad news days.

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