Krissie: At It Again (All About You)

Photo on 2013-05-27 at 08.28


This is the summer of our discontent. Except it isn’t summer yet. I’ll go into it tomorrow. Instead, today I’ll just wish my darling nephew Stuart a happy birthday. He was born in 1971, and he was the sweetest baby, the sweetest kid. He had a sunny smile, a darling disposition, even though he had to go through a lot of eye surgeries when he was a kid to correct his crossed eyes (there must be a PC term for that nowadays). He was teased in school, but he never let it get him down (he never let much get him down). He went to France and Russia, he broke his hip ski-jumping and pretty much bounced back up again. Oh, he wasn’t perfect. He got a little pompous in his mid to late teens, but he was coming out of it, and God knows it’s hard to find your identity at that age. He was one of those bony, vulnerable little boys you see and either want to hug or weep over. At eighteen he’d learned to fly.
He died when he was eighteen. He’d let a friend with a learner’s permit drive his car, she took a corner too fast and was heading straight for another car. So he grabbed the wheel, they went in the opposite direction, off a bridge, and he had electric windows. He managed to get her out. Even with nearby construction workers and over 50 people trying desperately to help him, they couldn’t get him out in time.
Not to bum everyone out. He lived a rich, gorgeous life in his 18 years, and as someone pointed out to me, he never had to get old. He could be a boy forever.
But you know, he would have been adventurous and happy (and hell, maybe a little pompous) no matter what age he was, no matter what challenges he met. Time passes, it doesn’t necessarily heal things but you learn to live with a hole in your heart. Mine’s getting to be a bit like Swiss cheese.
He was Mini-me’s brother.
My task for the week is to work past the blues that descended on both me and Richie. It comes from a variety of things — a day of snow on Saturday, my son being a first-class prick on his birthday, financial stress, etc. For the first time in a while Richie felt worse than me when we went out for lunch yesterday.
So I need to cheer myself and Richie up. Do I need to take responsibility for Richie? Pretty fucking co-dependent of me. I think the thing is to see what I can do to help him feel better, feel a little more positive, but not go into a decline if I can’t. Even though we’re joined at the hip I have to let go with love if I can’t change it and can’t cure it. Especially because I know I didn’t cause it.
Oh, plus I have revisions to do, and then head down to Albany and back to Jenny’s on Friday, which is a mixed blessing. I just did the drive, but at least Richie did it, and it’s getting to be a long drive.
But I get to spend time with friends in Albany and I get to have time with Jenny where we can do our usual girly things. Plus I miss the advent of Richie’s family, and right now they’re a major problem for me.

So it’s all good. Managing the eating better — I just hope I don’t slip too much as I revise the book.
Oh, and I must Clean All Things. No, actually I must take measured half hours chipping away at stuff, starting with the bedroom, since that’s where I work.

So, what’s on your agenda?

28 thoughts on “Krissie: At It Again (All About You)

  1. Tricia Halliday says:

    I have a great idea to clean your house and get rid of things that you don’t want. Get all the refabbers that live around you to come over and help. They can get things that you don’t want and you get a clean house. They say ‘omg this was anne stuarts’ you get a clean house. win win.

  2. Rouan says:

    I had great plans for this weekend but the crappy weather derailed most of them. No, we didn’t get snow like you did Krissie, but we had rain, gray skies, chilly temps and did I mention rain…?
    So today I will mow my lawn, work on painting my deck (I am a total amateur but determined nonetheless), repot the gardenias and rosemary (in the same pot but all need to be cut back and have fresh dirt) and hopefully find time for at least something fun like a walk or bike ride.

    My semi-ex is supposed to come over at some point today to use his chain saw on the big limb that came down in the nasty storms (power outages two days in a row!!!) we had earlier in the week. I was able to take care of the rest with the help of a neighbor but this one is too big and needs major help. It’s always bitter-sweet to see him and when he leaves I have to firmly remind myself of all the good things I do have, like my job, my house, my cats, my family (even if they don’t live near me) and my good health.

  3. Jen Wyatt says:

    I had a lazy eye as a child and they called it strabismus.

    I’m so sorry about your nephew. There are no words for such a loss.

    I must needs chip away at my own houseful o’ clutter. I really need an assistant, someone with no opinions or emotional attachment to anything in my home. Just clearing off the couch is mentally exhausting. I hate that!
    I feel like my clutter is somehow linked to my body fat—-I’m hoarding stuff and my body is hoarding fat cells. WTF! Enough already.

  4. After a couple of downer weeks, the sun is out -literally and figurtively. My work days are always better when I ride my bike, so that’s task #1 for the week. Plus some gardening in the evenings – it’s supposed to get very warm toward the end of the week and I have a big supply of plants to put in pots and in the ground.

  5. I really need to get my butt off this couch. So, exercise and walking at least a couple of times this week. Finish unpacking my stuff. And contact contracting agencies and see if I can arrange some interviews.

    Seems like enough. And get myself out of this funk I’ve allowed myself to slide into.

  6. julianna says:

    I have an ultrasound tomorrow to see if I’m still pregnant or if I had another missed miscarriage. And due to a number of factors, it would be really stupid for me to try again if I lost this one. So I could use any good vibes people would like to send my way. (Also, our insurance is kind of screwed up, plus DH would have to take off his second day of work at a new job to take me to the hospital for surgery if I did miscarry, so the universe is kind of piling more crap on top of everything.)

    I’m lucky enough to already have a beautiful four-year-old, so I’m trying to count my blessings. But I’ve spent the last nine weeks getting really attached to the idea of this new baby, and I’m really scared for tomorrow.

  7. 1 Mark another 100 scripts for IB Lang and Lit paper.
    2 Mark my own students’ work
    3 Stop eating so much. Especially so much chocolate/cheese/wine. My perpetual downfall.
    4 Prep the inventories for the two more estimates I need from removal companies.
    5 Get tax documents in the post for me and DH.

    Isn’t this just one of the most tedious weeks. That’s before we get into the ongoing struggle of getting Minion No.1 to take his academic life at all seriously. Bleagh. At least we have a quiet weekend. Which means back in the attic…

  8. Hope your day proved to be better than you imagined, Krissie.

    My day was quiet, but fruitful. Exercised. Wrote a blog post, wrote a blog interview for a guest appearance, got some real writing done on the WIP. Wrestled with an antagonist. I think I have his number now. ; )

    Waiting for my evening entertainment: The Voice.

  9. Deborah Blake says:

    GOOD VIBES to the max, babe. And a few extra hugs, whichever way it goes. Let us know, eh?

  10. Deborah Blake says:

    Krissie, I’m so sorry about your loss, even after all these years. He sounds like a bright soul. The good news, at least I believe it, is that those kind of folks come back around again. I hope you and Richie are both feeling better.

    You know, Albany is only an hour and a half from my house. Come visit!

  11. Krissie says:

    Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry! That’s so wretchedly tough! Fingers crossed and all good energy sending your way.

  12. Micki says:

    Oh, you have my best wishes for a happy outcome to this. If it’s any help, I had three or four miscarriages between my first child and my second — there are four and a half years between them. Good vibes to you.

  13. Micki says:

    This is a tough time of year for you. And I don’t think it’s co-dependent to make Richie happy. It feels good to do something for another. And he’s doing stuff that makes you happy. It’s counterproductive if you get mad after you do it, though.

    I hope you make it through this week on an even keel, and then summer burst in on all levels.

    I’m a little down again this week. I think I should spend it restricting foods that might be bothering me, and sleeping. But I haven’t got the energy to say no to the junk . . . .

  14. Kieran says:

    Best of luck, Julianna. I’m a mom/writer/blogger with Peanut Butter on the Keyboard, and just last month, some of my friends who’ve had miscarriages talked about their experiences. If you ever want support, please feel free to touch base with us at any time. And I hope that everything goes well for you tomorrow. Big hugs!!!

  15. Kieran says:

    I think I would have liked the heck out of Stuart. I love his name, first of all. You don’t meet enough Stuarts these days. And I like that he was a wild child who didn’t let his eye issue get in his way. God bless him and you for being such a loving aunt who talks about him with such affection.

  16. Susanne says:

    Big hug Julianna. That’s a lot for you to deal with — I’m sending my good vibres your way too.


  17. Susanne says:

    Big hug Julianna. That’s a lot for you to deal with — I’m sending my good vibes your way too.


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