All About You

Photo on 6-13-16 at 8.40 AM So no big cheesy grins today. Tough times in this country, tough times in this world.
Tomorrow I get to see Crusie!
Last week I finished the revisions, kept to my eating plan, dealt with myriad financial crap, listing to a fabulous book (Duke of Sin by Elizabeth Hoyt – fabulous book, fabulous narration)
This week I have to work on some financial crap, go to PT, pack, deal with the thousand natural ills that flesh is heir to. (Bonus points if you know where that’s from).
But mostly I’m going to relax and spend time with my BFF.

What’s on your agenda? I doubt anyone’s as lucky as me, but I hope good things lie ahead.

Madame Chubette (Krissie)

Well, I can’t go see Crusie until Tuesday, unfortunately, because things went nuts at the bank.  We’re refinancing our house, and they want all sorts of totally absurd things like a profit and loss statement.  For a writer?  I’m supposed to list my assets — my brain and my good nature?  Grrrr.  And it turns out the IRS lean on our house was never officially removed (well, the IRS did, but the town records didn’t) so I had to chase around that, chase around our tax accountant to see if he can figure out some sort of profit and loss statement, and not throw a hissy fit at the bank.  But we never had to go through this shit before..

If it’s a way of protecting the consumer and keeping everyone from getting into trouble like we did with the real estate bubble exploding, then I guess I will take one for the team, but it’s really annoying.

I’ve got a PT appointment on Monday and then I head down to Crusie’s.  I can’t stay as long as I want — we start rehearsals on Sunday, but at least I’ll get a chance to see her.

And fortunately the scale was … well, I was using the scale incorrectly.  I have it propped on its side in the laundry room (probably a big no-no) and when I set it down it says 0 so I step on it.  The second time I did it the weight was even higher, and I knew that was wrong, so I tapped it again the way I was suppose to and it gave me the right weight.  I did it three times to be sure.  So I’m down a little more, staying on program and being a good girl.  Cruise’s will be a challenge but she’ll help and I’m in the zone.

I also finished the revisions on the new book and I’m so pleased with myself it’s disgusting.  I’ll just sit here and pat myself on the back instead of eating.

So … I’m in a good mood for the time being.  One child is dissolving, the other one keeps improving, and I keep chugging along.  (Reminds me of the old Loretta Lynn song – “one needs a feeding and one needs a spanking and one’s on the way.”  I don’t know if she really said spanking – more likely whuppin’.  I used to sing Loretta Lynn songs, like “Don’t Come a-home a-drinking with loving on your mind” and “You ain’t woman enough to take my man.”  I was a colorful soul, and not half bad.

Anyway, it barely made 40 degrees here today, and my toes are cold.  Seems to be either feast or famine with this weather.  I hope the rest of you are having sunnier climates.

 

A Little Bit of Poison (Krissie)

Photo on 5-31-16 at 12.04 PMSo, Madame Chubette (moi) is doing well on WW.  I lumbered onto the scale and weighed 242.2.  I weighed 249.9 last week, so that means down 7.7 pounds.  I did think that might have been an artificial high, but hey, it’s a good way to start out.

I’m doing WW, and I get something like 31 points a day.  One thing I’ve discovered is how fattening drinks are.  Before I used to mainline Diet Coke and Tab, and it wasn’t good for me.  I’m glad I stopped, and what I’ve done instead is have a real Coke (either a Mexican coke with real sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup) or a 6 oz. can, and I have one three to five times a week.

Those suckers have so many points!  Plus, I get jumpy legs so I drink tonic water almost every night.  That’s just as bad.  As well as Cran-raspberry juice, etc.  I stick mainly with seltzer water and plain water, but even having the coke and the tonic water sparingly they use up lots of my points, plus it means I’m not free from sugar.

So I’m thinking I might dabble in fake sugar again.  I was still doing some baking with splenda (obviously I wouldn’t eat much of whatever I baked).  If instead of coke I had a 6 oz. can of DC three to five times a week I think that would be safe enough.  Next time I buy tonic I’ll buy diet tonic (though I’m looking into alternatives to tonic water) and I think there’s a reduced sugar version of Cran-raspberry juice (not necessarily with fake sugar, just less of the real thing).

I don’t think small amounts of nutrasweet or whatever will be a problem.  I think what happens is that people become so addicted to the drinks that they consume huge amounts, and I’d limit mine the way I limited the sugary stuff.  If I find myself drinking more then I’ll just cut it out entirely again.  I had no problem cutting it out (two years ago) and I don’t think small amounts will set me off, though I’d be wary of even a 12 oz. can.  But 6 oz. should be safe enough — I’ll see.

Still have to avoid lemonade etc. because I drink tons of it. A small glass just won’t do.  I’ll have to decide what to do about iced tea.  I haven’t been able to really like it without sugar (or at least want it, though I order it a lot in restaurants and drink it).  I need to work on that too.

In the meantime, I’ll keep up with the water, seltzer, and black coffee (always my preferred way to drink coffee).  And apparently the oatmeal I’ve been eating is loaded with sugar as well.  Summer isn’t really oatmeal time so I can deal with that in the fall.

Anyway, I decided this would be a smart idea, since I’ve been trying to cut out sugar and didn’t realize how much such a small amount contained.  I’ll let you know how it works.  I’ve been very good about tracking my points, and I’m overdue for a major grocery shopping.

Tomorrow or the next day i try the pool.  I’m having a really hard time walking and my arm hurts (damn shoulder) but I gotta do what I can.

Anyone else hunkering down?  I figure summer is easier — you generally tend to eat lighter meal.  Plus, I always lost weight when I do the summer plays — I guess it keeps me busy enough that I’m not around food.  This year I’m in the chorus of Annie Get Your Gun and an ancient, racist, morphine-addicted woman who weighs 98 pounds in To Kill A Mockingbird.  I expect we’ll change the line about 98 pounds (and may change the line about being almost 100 years old).  We’re not changing the N-word (I only have to say it once).  About 8 lines, and then a hobble off stage and die (she’s so old she’s crippled, so it’s a perfect part for me).

So, anyone else going to push salads and healthy stuff, or are you just going to enjoy it and not worry.  It’s in winter that people tend to put on weight, I think.

Madame Chubette (Krissie)

Photo on 5-27-16 at 12.49 PM #2 So, I went back to WW. I’ve done it so many times I’m practically an expert, and yet, actually, it almost always works. I’m doing it online this time (which isn’t as effective for me) because it’s 25 miles to the nearest meeting and I’ll have rehearsals starting up in a few weeks, so making the meeting won’t work. I had to cut out the exercise portion because at this point i can’t do any of it, and I think maybe I’ll adjust my daily points downward just a little. Or try not to use them all up. Day one I overdid, day two I went a little under. I figure it’s the only thing that’s not outside of my control, and I really need to stick to it. Right now I can barely do anything, even going up and down the stairs (I try to keep it to a minimum). I may not be able to do anything about getting older, but I don’t have to accept being a cripple. Which I basically am at this point.
So, I’m feeling emotionally energized to do this (physically is another matter but then, I don’t have to DO anything, I just have to STOP doing stuff, and I’ve been stopping doing stuff so much that I’m an expert at it.)
I was horrified when I got on the scale — 249.9 when it had been about ten pounds lighter. It was probably an artificial high, but hell, I’ll take it because it’ll make the loss bigger.
So I’m on the case.
Had a horrible moment last night. First, a little background. My nephew died in car crash when he was 18. The police called my sister but wouldn’t tell her anything, they called his stepmother but wouldn’t tell her anything, not until Ted could confirm it. And when I talked to Laura (the stepmother) recently she started talking about the phone calls, and I started crying behind my sunglasses.
Fast forward to last night. Tim’s been doing great – really really well. Richie and I were watching tv, the phone rang, and caller ID showed up on the tv screen as California St …
and I lost it. Screamed at Richie to get the phone, and then when I realized who it was (California State division of Social Security about Tim’s disability, not California State Police) I had a complete breakdown. I still get weepy even talking about it.

It’s odd, because many many years ago, when Tim was 12 or 13, he was out one night and the Vermont State police called, and asked if we had a son named Timothy. And I said yes, and asked what was up. It was the dispatcher, and she said she couldn’t tell me, and I calmly demanded, and she said she’d transfer me, and at least a minute later (and trust me, 60 seconds in those circumstances are endless) I found out Tim had been busted, in a car with underage drinkers with marijuana on him.
And I just calmly went into crisis mode — no tears of panic.

And that was about 7 or 8 years after Stuart (my nephew) was killed.  It’s now 26 years since he died.
I was always surprised that I didn’t flip out when that happened. Didn’t flip out when Richie had his heart-attack, when Tim had his major snowmobile accident, when my sister died. I can usually deal with crises.

It was probably a combination of talking to Laura last week and dealing with Jo’s death. I try not to let myself panic when someone doesn’t return home in a timely manner and I don’t know where they are. I didn’t even freak when Tim disappeared and I found he was in the hospital. Getting freaked out about something that probably hasn’t happened is ridiculous. Freaking out when something has happened is counterproductive.

But yesterday was just bad. I almost told Tim about it, then decided there was no reason for him to know. I tend to share too much, and that would probably make him worry about me (he already does).
Still, it’s kind of rotten that no one in my family: my father, my brother, my sister, my nephew, my adopted-away niece, and even my 98 year old mother all died without warning. (I need to look on the bright side, which is that we don’t have cancer on either side of my family, which gives you plenty of warning). So it tends to make a girl untrusting.

So instead of making Tim worry I’m sharing it with you guys. It happened so fast that I didn’t have time to control myself, but I don’t want to be prey to those kinds of nightmares. People do die, and there’ll be more agonizing deaths in my life, even if there aren’t that many left. Gotta pull up my socks and get on with it.

Does everybody get those panicky feelings, or is it just me because I’ve lost so many people that way? It kind of seems to me that if it happens even once you start to lose your faith that everything will be all right.

Pain and gain (krissie)

Well, it’s actually pain and no gain. 4About 6 weeks ago or thereabouts I decided to mend my ways on food, and since then I’ve cut out added sugar and white flours and fried, fatty stuff. I eat oatmeal for breakfast, a ww bagel w. healthy peanut butter for lunch, and healthy stuff for dinner, plus a small salad almost every night. Lots of fruit, other veggies (I could push the veggies) snack is usually a fiber one bar. Grazing in between that I haven’t been paying attention to, but mostly I think it’s amounts. I weighed myself a couple of times and the scale hadn’t moved. I haven’t weighed myself in more than a month but the clothes are still tight. So ….
Tomorrow I’ll weigh myself. But I’m also going back to MyNetDiary (Crusie calls her Nettie) to figure out what exactly it is that I’m doing. Because I’m in such pain, all over, but particularly my knees and shoulder. Losing weight won’t help the shoulder, which isn’t progressing as it should, but it’ll help the knees and the feet. and mostly I’m exhausted all the time, and it should really help with that.
I do happen to have fibromyalgia, which I ignore. I figure if you pay attention it only encourages it. But my problem (in terms of pain and exhaustion) might be as simple as a fibro-flareup. In which case there’s not a whole lot I can do but wait it out. But I refuse to give in (and fortunately because I’m not depressed I don’t think I have some dire, hidden disease that’s just waiting to pop out and kill me). But man, I am tired of hurting. I realized I haven’t been anywhere since I last visited Crusie, and that was in the fall, for God’s sake! Way too long.
There’s not a lot of things I can do under the circumstances, including the circumstances around Tim. But I can start tracking my food and putting effort into it.
So that’s what I’m going to do.
BTW a packet of instant oatmeal (gotta go back to making it) for breakfast, a whole wheat bagel with natural peanut butter for lunch, a fiber one bar, a ciabatta with olive oil, a salad with 5 croutons all come to comes to 942 calories. I still haven’t added the salad (I figure lettuce and stuff is basically free), the cooked chicken that I’ll add or the careful amount of salad dressing, plus a combination of bananas, strawberries and blueberries for dessert.

That doesn’t seem like too damned much but in terms of calories and weight loss I’m sure it is. One thing I can do is have half a bagel for lunch. That would cut the carbs and the peanut butter in half. Oh, and that’s including the bottle of Mexican coke I allow myself in the afternoon. Fortunately I like my coffee black. I’ve also been having half a ciabatta, and they’re multi-grain with extra fiber so that counts too. I just have to make sure I stick at one half.

So I’m giving Nettie a run for her money, and I’m going to do what they always tell you to do and I always ignore. I’m going to enter what I eat for a few days (probably not an entire week) so I can see where all the calories are coming from.

I’ll report back.

All About You (Krissie)

Photo on 2-8-16 at 11.04 AM I might be able to take off my sling soon. And maybe even a little driving. Whoopee.

Okay, I’ve been eating very well (lots of fiber, no white flour etc) and the scale hasn’t moved, but then, 239.1 might have been an artificial low after my unwilling cleanse. So it’s still 239.1 (or was last week) but I’m cool with that. I’ll weigh myself sometime this week and see if it’s moved.

I’m really turning against sugar. It’s so seductive, and so unnecessary. Doesn’t mean I won’t ever eat sugar again — there are small amounts in stuff I do eat, like the extra protein oatmeal, etc., but I haven’t decided whether sugar or diet stuff is worse. Whatever I use, it will be in very small amounts so it probably doesn’t matter what (just enough for the oatmeal). Don’t dare touch diet Coke again because i’d get hooked immediately, but having a real coke every few days seems fine. Probably should give those up too. Can’t give up the tonic water or I get leg cramps, and I’m doing the sugar kind, but maybe there’s another way to get the quinine.

Anyway, last week was a relatively good week. I wrote about five days (not a lot because it hurts my shoulder), ate well with no slips, and I think I was even feeling upbeat and optimistic on at least four of the seven days. Which is excellent. I’ll be glad when the mournful days pass entirely but I’m working on that.

I’ve got nothing but appointments this week – PT, therapist, surgeon, and PCP (no, not the drug, my regular doctor) but with luck I’ll be able to drive by the end of the week. And it looks as if winter is finally coming, but at least we missed almost two months of it so I won’t complain.

And I even watched the Super Bowl! I don’t like football, but I like the ads, and I liked both teams (but I wanted the old guy to go out with a bang!).

So how are you guys doing? Got any Valentine’s plans? Busy week, same old same old, or a lazy one? Got any goal this week?

Maybe I should have a goal every week. My word for this year is Rise, and in order to rise I think you gotta flap your wings and make an effort, so I think I’ll have a weekly goal. Anyone who wants can join in.

For this week, my goal is to do my exercises three times a day (I usually only manage twice, which is better than I thought I’d be doing). Baby steps.

Anyone here got a baby step for the week? CLEANING ALL THINGS is dangerous!

Scared Straight (Krissie)

Photo on 1-26-16 at 10.07 AM Hey, I brushed my hair for you.
So there’s a silver lining to every cloud. After my intestinal explosion (made much more bearable by the fabulous nurse) I’ve been fairly terrified to eat. I pushed water and only ate things filled with fiber and then read the stuff they sent home where they said don’t add too much fiber at once or it could make me constipated again. Aiyee!

I would truly, happily, go through the surgery again than have that happen. And it seems only fear of acute pain can keep me from shoving garbage in my mouth. I’m also feeling vulnerable — having to have my shoulder replaced, having my knees get worse and worse so that I’m becoming less and less mobile. And I’m too young for that. Would have been nice to have a revelation 20 years ago (well, actually I did and lost a lot of weight then). But at this point I’m really at a fork in the road (if you’ll pardon the expression). I can do what I can to become healthier and more mobile, or I can indulge myself with comfort food that gives temporary relief and more pain. I can work on the alternatives to eating, and there are plenty of them. It’s a choice. And I’m tired of hurting.

Some things won’t be cured by weight. There’s just wear and tear on the body over the years, and I know that. But the knees and legs won’t ache as much if they’re not carting around as much weight – that’s a no-brainer. It’ll make recovery from knee replacement so much easier. And I’ll be able to go for walks with the love of my life (and shopping with Crusie, the second great love of my life.  Crusie, not shopping.  Shopping’s third ).

So it’s really begun already. As expected, I haven’t felt very hungry since the surgery, and the stomach upset made it even worse. So I’m heading toward Mediterranean plus extra fruit and fiber. I’m going to walk around the house five times every couple of hours as well as doing my rehab exercises, and as soon as I’m allowed back in the water I’ll be going (I’m still not allowed to drive). I’m going to get better, damn it! I’m too young to be so old.

So I’m using Refab, because that’s what I wanted in the very beginning. A place to hold me responsible. Ginger oatmeal, seltzer and black coffee for breakfast. Then Richie will help me shower and I’ll go from there. Shopping at the grocery store before I see my therapist, and suddenly, maybe, no, fuck it, definitely, hope for the future.

I’ll take all the suggestions, support, encouragement, participation anyone has to offer.

Onward!