Ah screw trying to come up with a photo. I just gotta get to work.
True confession time = I didn’t write last week. Seemed like just too much stuff was going on. I did get a bit more work done on the sewing room, but that’s because I’d go to bed and not be able to sleep so I got up and folded fabric. Oh, I know why I didn’t work – Monday and Tuesday I spent the days with Sally, mostly playing the guitar, because she was heading down to NYC and when she came back her son will be visiting, so that’s pretty much the end of her visit. I don’t know what I did on Wednesday but Thursday Richie and I finally got to the big city for much-needed shopping, and Friday … God, I don’t remember. Not work. Saturday a funeral, reception and then visited relatives. Sunday, church, then lunch with said relatives. I baked a double batch of blueberry coffee cake (from our blueberries) and froze half, I cleaned the kitchen (amazing!) and … damn, I don’t know what I did. Still working on the time management thing, and I’ll get there. But I’ve been happy.
Today’s Daniel’s (older child) birthday. He’s 32 and has worked less than a year in his life. Sigh. Somehow my kids turned into special needs children when we weren’t looking. At least I don’t have to feel guilty about my laissez-faire style of parenting. Strict boundaries wouldn’t have helped them – they just have their own issues, some of which may come from adoption. But I love them both desperately, as does Richie, and mostly we try to support without enabling. Best we can do.
We’re having gorgeous, cool weather. Summer is over. Disasters keep flooding the world (Texas in our country, Sudan and shit, is it Yemen? I don’t even remember where the terrible humanitarian crisis is. It’s shameful that I waste more attention on 45’s foolishness and not what matters, which is people.)
So, this week. Finish the book or die trying (not really). Get the other two cabinets up into the sewing room and work on more organizing. Enjoy the weather. Do some sewing. Love my children. Find ways to make money.
I feel so old and wise now. We had lunch with long lost relatives (my beloved cousin Jody’s children) and loved what they were doing, the stupid financial choices they made out of love of art. They were beating themselves up over it (Josy and Jason tried to start a theater company and lost $400,000). I told them that when they’re older they’ll be proud and happy they did it, even if it failed. And they’re still fighting the good fight – Josy got her graduate degree and works for the California Arts Council (or whatever their official name is) and Jason, who got a law degree, is a lawyer for charter schools and works in special ed. I’m so happy and proud of them. Her brother Jackson (lots of J’s there) is working for a company (I sat too far away to get the deets) but he looks happy and healthy and he has a lovely girlfriend he’s been with for years.
I like to concentrate on the goodness of things. I had a little meltdown over 45 on Friday, and I’ll continue to get outraged and be part of the resistance, but I’m still going to try to reach for joy and beauty and love every time I can. Which, I think, is why I’m happy. Even when I’m depressed I still tend to reach out for those things. It’s only when it’s really bad that I can’t see them.
I know Jenny talked about happiness for the week. I’ve got an alternative question – what do you do to reach out for joy, instead of waiting for it to come to you? At the end of Scrooged the Bill Murray character says you have to be greedy for love and goodness, and I think that’s true. Sometimes you have to chase it down. Do you guys have any way you use, and if you don’t, we should brainstorm some ways to do it. Like walk in a garden. Swim in a lake. Reread a beloved book. Clean the kitchen (some people find joy in polished surfaces – I’m not judging). Oh, and singing.
I’ll tell you what’s on your agenda this week – identifying a way to seize beauty and kindness in your life. Any of you figured this out already?