All About You (Krissie)

Photo on 9-9-12 at 9.01 AM So they’re trying to take my grandchildren from me, and they’ll succeed. So I don’t feel much like talking.

It’ll be the week from hell. Capped by two hours with my grandchildren during my grandson’s birthday party (the only chance I’ll get to see him) where he’ll be surrounded by craziness and all of his huge family who hate Tim and by extension, want me out of their lives too. And there’s nothing I can do about it. Grandparents have no legal rights in this state.

So I’m going out with Richie for the day and try to be as cheerful as I can. Better than curling up in the fetal position and weeping all day. I can do that tomorrow.

Sorry for such a downer. Just talked with my son’s ex-girlfriend and there’s nothing I can do.

So, like Scarlett O’Hara, I’ll think about that tomorrow.

What’s on your agenda?

13 thoughts on “All About You (Krissie)

  1. Eileen A-W says:

    When my cousin died my aunt & uncle had to sue for visitation rights with their grandson as their ex-son-in-law wanted nothing to do with them. I think it’s wrong that your state won’t allow you to find a way. Wrong, wrong, wrong!! I”m so sorry Kristi.

  2. I’m so sorry too, Krissie.
    I remember when my mother had the same issue with my brother’s kids. The wife took them far, far away. When they reached majority, the kids came back to my mom’s town and my nephew lived with her for a while. Guess who was honored when my nephew got married a few years ago? And yes, his mother was in attendance at the wedding and did not like that one little bit. So you never know. Keep the channels open as much as you can, there is hope.

  3. German Chocolate Betty says:

    How horrible. And just plain in humane, although I understand that it’s more common than you think. My dad once told me that when the first grandchild was on the way (my brother’s baby) he told my mother to be careful about getting too attached, in case something like this happens. Luckily never happened to them, but some friends of theirs haven’t been allowed contact with their grandkids for over a decade.

    It’s really too appalling to contemplate. I feel for you and Richie.

  4. Office Wench Cherry says:

    Krissie, I’m so sorry. That’s really terrible.

    I understand about her family not liking Tim, but, geez, if the shoe were on the other foot they would want to see the kids.

    I hope that in time, when peoples feelings are healed and heads are cooler that the ex-girlfriend will realize what wonderful grandparents you guys are and reconnect.

  5. Cindy says:

    Krissie, I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I can’t even begin to imagine your pain.

    Just try to stay in touch in a loving and supportive way, cards, letters, care packages. Your grandkids will always love you, and they’ll feel your love and support forever.

    When I was 10, my parents moved our family from Argentina to the U.S. I only got to write letters and talk to my grandparents by phone, but I felt my grandparents love forever. Thirty years later, I still think of them and all of my memories of spending time with them…my grandfather especially.


  6. Oh, honey. I’m so, so sorry.

    When I got divorced, my in-laws, who were wonderful people, called and asked if they’d still be allowed to see Mollie. I said, “My god, yes, you’re wonderful grandparents and terrific in-laws, why would I keep her from that?” And my father-in-law said, “It happens all the time.” I just don’t understand that. You’d think she’d want to keep her kids surrounded by as much love as possible.

    I wish I had a solution. All I can say is that I ache for you. I’m so, so sorry, Krissie.

  7. Jessie says:

    I am so sorry for your pain.

    This may be the sign from fate that the move you have been talking about needs to happen now. One of the difficult parts of moving was that if you stayed you would see the kids when they came home for visits. Moving has always meant you would be a long distance grandma. You need to take care of you and Richie and it sounds as though staying is going to be just too toxic.

  8. Huge sympathy. If there is any way of staying in touch – postcards, gifts, donations in their name so that if they google themselves, they know that you have been thinking of them – all of that helps. I’m speaking here as someone whose grandparents were absent through distance and through poor relationships (my father hated his parents). I still treasure, 45 years later, the books my Pakistani grandparents sent me as a child. I never saw them after the age of 3. But I know that they thought of me and they cared for me.

    I also have the postcards and letters my mother’s mother sent to me – she lived in Spain and I lived first in the US and then in the UK at boarding school. Those have survived countless moves since I was 10, when she died.

    Children recognise love even if you can’t act on it. And they remember. And they appreciate. Alex’s face in that photo is a priceless gift, and you have given him time, space and love in abundance. That’s small comfort, but please, don’t beat yourself up on this one. People do change and forgive and heal, and it may be that with time, you get your grandchildren back – so make sure you are accessible and easy for them to find.

  9. What a sucky situation. Not fair to you or your grandchildren. Agree with others about staying in touch with your grandchildren, however possible. My nieces and nephew live in another country and while my brother hasn’t prevented me from seeing them, he hasn’t done much to encourage my relationship with them over the years. I send cards, emails regularly – easier now that they’re young adults/teens. Try to stay positive.

  10. Kieran says:

    I’m so sad on your behalf, Krissie. Looking at that little guy’s face, all bright and happy, next to your own makes me wonder how adults can be so selfish. I’m going to hope that you’ll get to continue seeing him, and I also hope that when he turns eighteen that he will choose on his own to come back to see his grandmother. Whatever happens, you’ve given him the gift of your love, and that will always be a part of him, no matter how much s*** is laid on top of it by other people. Be comforted by the fact that he’ll have dreams, and in those dreams, he’ll remember.

  11. Jill says:

    Krissie, like everyone else I am so so sorry. I imagine that the hurt goes soul deep. Is the girlfriend blocking all communication ? Forever ? Have her parents had a negative influence ? Or is she just an uncaring, unfeeling, unsympathetic—-person ? How is Tim doing ?

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