Richie just brought me pumpkin spice oatmeal. Yum.
I slept late. Till ten-thirty, actually. So here I am, noshing on oatmeal, ready to get to work.
I’ve written 15,000 words on NANO which is too little, and I have one more day of revisions, and I spent yesterday quilting and then having to rip everything out because the tension was fucked. Ah, life. I’ve been pushing just a wee bit too hard, and my body started rebelling.
The thing is, I grew up without parental guidance or expectations. I came from an academic family where my parents had no interest in whether I went to college or not. (Odd – they sent my sister, they fussed about my brother, but they just sort of ignored it when it came to me – though I imagine part of that was the force of my personality. They would just assume I would see to things).
But anyway, I had to learn my own self-discipline, and unfortunately the way it works out is that I don’t feel good unless I write. I assumed I had put a heavy guilt trip on myself (writing=good, everything else=bad) but now I’m wondering if it’s not just who I am. I saw this meme (or is it a gif – I don’t know the difference) on Pinterest (my favorite playground). Except, crap, I can’t find it now. There it is. Or a different version of it.
I’ve sometimes thought about what it would feel like not to have the pressure to write, not to think about publication and proficiency (I’m against perfection. I do want to be glorious – not just proficient, but I want messy and magnificent on my tombstone).
So I need to climb back into the saddle. Once I get HEARTLESS off I’ll be able to concentrate on the novella and other things and not feel so self-pressured.
Is this just a writer thing? Because it takes so long to complete something (months, years) that we have an extra amount of stress we can’t escape? Or is it simply human nature? Are any of you similarly … I was going to say driven, but that sounds too ambitious. Are any of you similarly … er … constrained?
Ok, OK it’s my issues. Driven to do something is accurate. Is there anything you feel driven to do this week? Can you at least party down once you’re done? I’ve been known to turn up the stereo loud and dance around the house when I’ve finished a book.
Back to the grindstone. (Oh, Richie – where’s my coffee? I do have the best husband. He’s very tolerant about waiting on me while I’m writing – up to a point, that is).
What’s on your agenda?