All About You (Krissie)

So, the photo on the right is today, 2017. The photos on the left are, on top, me from 2012, when I’d lost a lot of weight, and 2013, when I gained it all back. If I get to the other computer I’ll see if I can find photos from the same day in ’14, ’15 and ’16. I never realized when I started putting up photos that I’d end up with such an interesting resource.

So, anyway, how did you guys survive the blizzard, those of you who had it? We got thirty inches or more, coming down at 4 inches per hour at times, with a strong wind. Every school in the state was closed, and we know how to deal with snow in Vermont. Now we’re opening windows (it’s only 50 or so but it’s nice to get fresh air.)

Speaking of being fabulous, I’ve decided I have to go back swimming again. I feel like I’m living in a coffin-shaped box – that’s about how much I move and can move. It’s only in the water that I can really stretch out. It takes time and money, but neither price is crushing (I can swim for $100 for 6 months and the pool is available from 6 am to 8 pm (with two hours off in the afternoon for students). The drive takes about half an hour, but if I lived in NYC or near traffic it would take that long or longer – it’s 24 miles away). All the time changing and showering is time I don’t waste at home doing the same thing (I go under the shower before I get in the pool). I can’t walk, my replaced shoulder is incredibly stiff and painful, and I my body’s become a prison. Plus, I won’t get all the exercise I usually get in the summer when I’m acting. Gotta do something.

The weight is staying off (though not dropping lower – it would be lovely to drop below 220 and stay there.) My big goal is to get below 200 and stay there for a while. I guess I need to put a little more effort into it, but right now it’s absolutely painless – I don’t lust for sugar and fried food and huge amounts. But I could probably cut healthy carbs back a little.

It’s nice when it’s no longer vanity motivating me. My relationship with vanity has always been contentious (I think that’s true for most people). My sister was beautiful, and she always made it clear that she was the pretty one. That backfired because she started feeling that being pretty was her only value, and she basically ate herself to death (it said her death was caused by COPD complicated by obesity). And in fact I’ve been going through old photos and looking at myself dispassionately and realizing I’ve always felt way too negative about myself. I remember about 50 years ago Buffalo Springfield had a song about “pretty girl, why not love me?” and I wept because I wasn’t a pretty girl. And you know, I was. Almost all 18 year old girls are.

Feeling good feels a lot better than looking good, and that’s my goal. Tomorrow I will lumber onto the scale – nope, that’s too negative. I will trip lightly onto the scale, face the music, and move on.

I can’t fix everything (there’s a stunner!) and I can’t fix much, but there are things I can do.

So tell me, what’s up for you guys? Anyone serious about their weight and their mobility right now? Or is work a major consideration? Family? I’ve got all three things pulling at me, and the body tends to be the first thing to go by the wayside but I’ve got to spend time on me if I want to do all those other things. Seems I’ve got energy right now.

So … wassup?

17 thoughts on “All About You (Krissie)

  1. Lynda says:

    When my parents celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary in 2009–their last anniversary, as it turned out–my gift to them was to have over 600 35mm slides from the ’50s and ’60s digitized and printed, family photographs they hadn’t seen in decades, which happened to include my teen years. As they went through the pictures, my mother declared brightly, “You were a very pretty girl. I’d forgotten that.” Because I realized that statement said way more more about my mother than it did about me, I kept my mouth shut, but when she repeated it a few days later, I finally said, “You know, it would have been really nice if you’d told me that at the time”–to which her genuinely bewildered response was, “Why, honey, I don’t think I ever said anything to the contrary…” (When I related all this to one of my brothers, he just sighed and shook his head in resignation.) Anyway, my point is that we all have those childhood tapes that run in our minds, even many many years later, and about all we can do is consider the source and try not to repeat those same mistakes with our own children.

    I know what you mean about needing exercise. I haven’t been to the pool since October, even though it’s only five minutes away, and I have to change that. My mobility is much worse than it was even a year ago, and the only thing that’s going to help is knee surgery and the only way any doctor will consider performing that is if I take off the weight that has crept back on since my major weight loss five years ago. So I have a choice: either I get my ass in gear and do something about that weight, or else I spend my remaining years in a wheelchair. And since my mother lived to be 95, there’s a good chance that could be a lot of years. So you get back in the pool, Krissie, and I will do the same. We’re too damned young (!) to be as disabled as we are.

  2. Alis says:

    Wall of text: All this talk of disability has me worked up. This is going to ramble and whine, so feel free to skip to someone else’s post if you like, but I need to say these things, and this seems to be a safe place.

    If you are struggling with your health–please continue to struggle. Don’t give up and don’t expect someone else to do it for you. My father, with whom I have an extremely toxic relationship, is completely blind due to poor life choices. His wife of 15 years (whom I never met, if that tells you anything) passed away in January, leaving him alone, with no self-care skills, no caretaker, and no money except for his Social Security. (They ran up over $50K worth of credit card debt due to her hoarding and their joint alcoholism.) He lives 4 hours from me and 2 from my sister, and we are trying to figure out how to get him cared for without either of us having to sacrifice ourselves (again) for that man’s convenience. There is no safety net in KY for the elderly or the sick. There is a waiting list for every service he qualifies for, and he qualifies for a LOT. I have signed him up for everything I could find, and even some things I know he isn’t qualified for yet. I’ve called Adult Protective Services. Him? He does nothing but sit, listen to sports and Fox News on the television, and order people around, expecting them to take care of everything, including finding the money to do the things he wants done.

    If he had tried to stay in touch with people when his wife was alive, had kept up friendships or church or ANYTHING it would make dealing with his current situation so much easier. As it is he has a 70 year old sister who is doing things she shouldn’t have to do, and my sister and I (who would much prefer to be no contact with our abusive, narcissistic parent) are having to spend crazy time on the road, on the phone, in offices and online to arrange for things that he should have prepared for, planned for, thought of… you get the idea.

    Age comes, and with it infirmity and often a reduction in income. I’m 46, on the autism spectrum, an adult child of alcoholics, am depressed and obese. My future could look as bad as my father’s–HOWEVER, I bought nursing home insurance and started a diet the day I came back from his house the first time. I gave up sugar (my replacement for alcohol), and I started writing more and am trying to meditate. I’m walking as much as the weather will allow, and I refuse to allow my future to be stolen by inertia and depression. My kids will not have to watch me give up my life, inch by inch, and I will never, EVER, expect them to give up theirs because they have to care for me.

    There are things we can’t change, but there aren’t as many as we think. Be like Krissie and Lynda and recognize the patterns that are detrimental to your future well-being. Change the things you can. Not only will it improve your lives, it will make a huge difference to the people in your lives. I promise.

    • This is always a safe place. These are really good reminders. It’s a shame it doesn’t really sink in when we’re a little younger, but in your forties and fifties you think you’ve got plenty of time.

  3. Eileen A-W says:

    I agree with Lynda about that song playing in our heads. My mom was the same way. “Why can’t you be as pretty as ….” “You need to lose weight.” etc. When I look at pictures from those times I see someone pretty than … and I’m practically skinny, definitely not overweight. When I confronted my mom about it she said the same thing, “I never said those things.” I have since learned that I only need to please myself and accept myself for who I am. I am short and gave birth to four kids. I never had the time to work on getting that tummy tightened up. Since youngest is almost 25, I don’t see that happening. So I do what I can and accept what is possible. I try to walk 40 minutes a day. Somedays I have to skip it, but more days I accomplish it. Accept what you can and cheer yourself on!!

  4. We got 14 inches of blizzard in our part of Connecticut. Cleaned off the back steps and enough of the deck to refill the bird feeder (which I had NOT re-filled the night before the snow started much to the bird’s dismay). Decided to let nature deal with the front walk in it’s own time.

    This week is filled with the day job and more medical appointments. Various scans on Wednesday, portacath installation on Thursday and final meeting with Oncologist on Friday to get results of the pre-chemo tests and set up the schedule for the first rounds of chemo.

    Looking forward to this weekend when we will visit my daughter, her husband and new granddaughter to celebrate daughter’s birthday. We will have mani-pedi’s and go out for sushi. This will be the last real mani-pedi for the next five or six months. (Guess I’m going to have to figure out how to cut my own toe-nails.)

    • Alis says:

      All my best wishes, Mama Abbie! You do so much for others, here’s hoping the good doctors and some good prayers can do a lot for you. (And cutting your own toe-nails isn’t so hard if you do it sitting on the closed toilet seat. Just bend over, and there they are! Voila. 🙂 )

  5. Kathleen Gilles Seidel says:

    Alis’s post was hot-pepper-up-the-nose for me. I have a stress fracture in my lower fibula and so am clumping around in a boot. Painful and inconvenient, but Alis made me ask if I am getting something out of this. Yes, I am. I have an excuse for not doing things I don’t want to do. People are worrying about me and taking care of me. This is fine for five weeks, but it certainly could get addictive. Being overweight is so hard on the body. How am I going to feel if my weight turns me into a burden for my children?

  6. JenniferNennifer says:

    Alis, your wall of text seem much more like an inspiration than a whine.
    And this is why we all need to keep reinventing fabulous for ourselves and each other – because the alternative is not who we want to be. And it is just as important to embrace being fabulous NOW – TODAY, while taking action to ensure future fabulousness.

  7. Office Wench Cherry says:

    I’m currently freaking a bit out because I had a major computer failure and now I can’t get into my work program. I’ve uninstalled and am re-installing the program but nothing seems to be working – including me! I have some errands to run so I might as well use this downtime productively, seeing as how I skipped water fitness this morning.

    I was very productive yesterday and met with our financial advisor who helped me locate an old pension plan from a former employer and we are now moving all of that in with our other retirement funds so we can see it all easily.

    Tall Boy and I are planning a trip next year so I’m using that as a long-term goal for weight loss and our trip this summer as a shorter term goal. I did okay when we were away last week, thanks in part to a very long walk around Vancouver with my sister.

    It’s back to aquafit tomorrow and continuing with the healthy eating.

  8. KimM/Ginger Betty says:

    Three years ago, I had my “enough” moment. I’d passed 250 pounds on the doctor’s scale, and started to consciously watch what I ate. Two and a half years ago, I jointed Weight Watchers because I’d managed to lose 35 pounds, and was afraid of it would start sliding back on without some more help. One and a half years ago I lost another 50 pounds, and stalled. Last month I “woke-up” (hah!) to the fact that 15 pounds had come creeping back. I’ve almost managed to manage to lose 5 of those, and am being diligent with my staircase walks at work as well as tracking the food. I’ve still got quite a ways to go, but my feet don’t hurt as much now, and I’m more limber and mobile now that I’ve been for the last 20 years. I’m a year away from Medicare and have been curvy and sedentary my whole life. I’m doing my best to keep from being a burden to my child as I’m aging, but I’m also reclaiming actively living my life, instead of letting it drift away.

  9. Susanne says:

    Kim wrote: “…I’m also reclaiming actively living my life, instead of letting it drift away.”

    Love it!

    No more drifting!!!

  10. I have been bitching all week about shoveling snow. Today it’s sixty out and I shoveled snow in a sleeveless dress. Because when you have two feet of snow, it takes awhile to melt. But the good thing is, once I shovel the pavement in this weather, the little bit I can’t get with the shovel and all of the ice melts away in an hour. So I’ve been going out a couple of times a day and shoveling snow for fifteen minutes to clear things out. I have the driveway cleared, I almost have the front patio cleared, I’m ready to start on the back porch and the side walkways and the back walkways and . . .

    I feel SO much better with just that little bit of exercise all week. It’s heavy exercise, I’m shifting a lot of snow, and I quit when I start to wheeze (asthmatic) but I feel better. I’ve been going about three times a day for that fifteen minutes, and I think after I get all this white stuff out of here, I’m going to keep doing it. There’s a lot of yard work that needs doing, and fifteen minutes three times a day would move a lot of that into the done column.

    Once I can see my yard again.

    • Maine Betty says:

      And now I’m imagining you as Doris Day in her 1960s version, in a sleeveless sheath dress, with pearls and short heels, out shoveling snow. Don’t disillusion me!

      • LOL. I want to see Crusie dressed like that. I never dressed like Doris Day but at about ten or twelve I dressed like Sandra Dee. And then the ’60s came and my true Goth soul came out.

        • Alis says:

          When my husband was in his teens(mid 80’s) his family had an intervention because he stayed inside, read or was on the computer, was up all night, played that demon D&D game, and wore nothing but black. And this was in Buffalo, NY at the height of KISS’s popularity. I can’t imagine letting your Goth-flag fly during the days of Pat Boone.

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